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AIBU?

to say no to another baby because dh doesn't want me to breastfeed?

205 replies

Hollibaloo · 20/08/2013 23:54

I have a 7 and 2 year old. I am very much pro-breastfeeding and for fed my eldest til she self weaned at 3 and am still feeding my 2 year old. Dh and I would like dc3 but tonight he said that he wants this hypothetical baby to be formula fed. He said he knows bf is healthier etc but he thinks ff is quicker, easier and will give us more time together. His children with ex wife were ff and they had lots of nights out which we don't. I said I'd compromise and use a dummy but that bf is important to me and Seriseeing as I work from home and do all night feeds it should really be up to me. He said I picked to bf dc1+2 so it's time he had a choice. Aibu to stand my ground and say I will only have another dc if I can breastfeed?

OP posts:

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LittleBearPad · 21/08/2013 08:14

You have far bigger issues to deal with than how you feed a hypothetical third child. He sounds like an idiot.

The illness thing re FF is crap.

bumbleymummy · 21/08/2013 08:14

YANBU. You could express if you want a night out. Although I agree that with three children that will be a rare thing :)

MrsWembley · 21/08/2013 08:28

Several of us have asked, and you haven't yet answered, how much input did/does he have with your two now?

Have you ever expressed so that he can do a feed? Have you ever explained to him that if he shared more in the day-to-day childcare then you might be more amenable to a quickie after they go down at night? Have you ever left them with him so that you can get a night out with friends.

All ways of making yourself more 'up for it'? If both of you are in the mood, surely he can see that as a benefit?

Ledkr · 21/08/2013 08:29

Although I do think even the most pro-BFing man begins to wonder if they are ever going to get 'their' breasts back

Really?
My breasts belong only to me I'm afraid

Lazyjaney · 21/08/2013 08:43

And the thing about sex is that, if one party doesn't want it, it shouldn't happen

That doesnt work in the long-term if sex drives are mismatched.

Is this just a differential sex drive thread, with EBf used for a maximum moral high ground?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/08/2013 08:46

Ugh to men getting "their" breasts back.

I don't own my DHs penis, not would I want to.
Why would another person assume a part of their OH body belongs to them?

And fwiw I FF ds1. Me and DH did not have sex for 6 months because I was exhausted with 2 small children and work and a baby who could apparently survive on no sleep.

If DH would have suggested a night out or a 5 minute quickie I would have laughed in his face tbh.

FF babies are no different to bf babies. I would imagine a lot of newborns have no clue that they are supposed to go 4 hours between feeds and sleep through the night at 6 weeks old.
I don't see how you would be up for rampant sex or a night on the piss just because your baby has a bottle.

Famzilla · 21/08/2013 08:47

What a self absorbed prick.

So he puts his wants for constant sexual gratification about the long term health of his own children?

Disgusting.

Does he know the risks of formula feeding? Maybe you should give him a copy of "the politics of breastfeeding" for his birthday. If he reads that and is still trying to force you to FF when you can BF perfectly well, then I would LTB as he is clearly an idiot.

Famzilla · 21/08/2013 08:47

*above

thebody · 21/08/2013 08:48

I think you would be making a big mistake to have another child with him.

Fakebook · 21/08/2013 08:55

I can't believe men like this exist. Disgusting.

LittleBearPad · 21/08/2013 09:01

Although I do think even the most pro-BFing man begins to wonder if they are ever going to get 'their' breasts back

Tell him to start eating more, he can develop his own

petalsandstars · 21/08/2013 09:02

TMI but after having dc2 2 months ago I have no interest in sex. I am bf however it is more to do with the fact that I am doing the majority of care for both children and keeping on top of house stuff etc. My DH has asked when we will get back to it amd has been told not until the above changes re the childcare when he is home and house cleaning etc is not all done by me. I don't feel like it when I have to do everything else myself. I have also told him that if he doesn't buck his ideas up I will be considering to ltb.

If he said anything like what your DH has said he wouldn't be having sex for a very long time and I would be seriously considering my future and whether he would be in it. But actually I don't think he would say that.

Nanny0gg · 21/08/2013 09:13

Does he know the risks of formula feeding?

Someone had to come out with that, didn't they?

Yep, every FFeeding parent is playing Russian Roulette with their baby aren't they?

The couple need to sort out their many apparent differences before they even think about having a third child.

Sanctimummy · 21/08/2013 09:16

If you are willing and (so far) capable of breastfeeding, then your DH is being a selfish arse for wanting you to ff so he can have nights out. He really places his fun and entertainment above the health of his own child.

I wouldn't have another baby with a man with such skewed priorities.

This ^^

Cravingdairy · 21/08/2013 09:17

I don't believe a father has the right to stop a mother from BFing if she wants to, TBH. It's not comparable with other parenting choices because it involves the mother's health and hormones.

With regard to' FF making a baby ill' I think the OP was trying to illustrate the health benefits of BF, I'm sure she didn't intend to offend. My wee one is BF and ill constantly! But it is very easy to comfort her when she is because BFing is very calming for her. Which is one of the reasons my husband is so in favour - it has made all our lives easier.

Coconutty · 21/08/2013 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 09:23

OP, do you go along with having sex while your 2 yo is "occupied" with a shape-sorter ?

mynameismskane · 21/08/2013 09:24

Ffs, why can't Famzilla say that there are risks with formula feeding without being attacked? Of course formula feeding is more risky as breastmilk is undoubtedly better for babies so why do people have such a problem with that?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/08/2013 09:29

myname

It's an emotive issue and perhaps the statement Does he know the risks of formula feeding offends those who chose to ff.

BeauNatt · 21/08/2013 09:36

Just on the tangent that the OP started - I don't think I'd have an orgasm from a 5 minute shag with my baby playing in the other room! Frequency of sex is no reflection of its quality (3x a week? faints)

Rooners · 21/08/2013 09:38

What a complete prick. I am amazed you've stayed with him this long.

breatheslowly · 21/08/2013 09:53

I agree with Figgygal and LittleBearPad.

I also have a very healthy FF child - it's one of those statistical things where perhaps 1/1000 (warning - this is a made up number) FF children are more prone to illness as a result of being FF.

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AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 10:00

The issue here really isn't the relative benefits of FF/BF

ToysRLuv · 21/08/2013 10:07

Yes, have more children (triplets, anyone?). That will make everything better. It will also will give DH a raised level of challenge: Have sex in 3 mins when all those children are otherwise occupied!

Nanny0gg · 21/08/2013 10:08

The issue here really isn't the relative benefits of FF/BF

Of course it isn't, but it's difficult to not challenge some statements that could have a bearing on the central argument.

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