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AIBU?

to say no to another baby because dh doesn't want me to breastfeed?

205 replies

Hollibaloo · 20/08/2013 23:54

I have a 7 and 2 year old. I am very much pro-breastfeeding and for fed my eldest til she self weaned at 3 and am still feeding my 2 year old. Dh and I would like dc3 but tonight he said that he wants this hypothetical baby to be formula fed. He said he knows bf is healthier etc but he thinks ff is quicker, easier and will give us more time together. His children with ex wife were ff and they had lots of nights out which we don't. I said I'd compromise and use a dummy but that bf is important to me and Seriseeing as I work from home and do all night feeds it should really be up to me. He said I picked to bf dc1+2 so it's time he had a choice. Aibu to stand my ground and say I will only have another dc if I can breastfeed?

OP posts:

Report

squoosh · 21/08/2013 00:31

A woman dead set on ff and a partner pressurising her to breastfeed? That should also would warrant a firm 'fuck off' in his direction.

'I do not want you to breastfeed/I really insist that you breastfeed'. All sounds like much the same dictatorial cuntery to me.

AdoraBell · 21/08/2013 00:32

I was once told about a man who was shipwrecked and other than him there was a baby, on an island somewhere. He managed to eat fruit but the baby was too young. So, out of desperation he held the baby to his nipple so that it would at least get some comfort, and him some peace. After a few days he produced milk and the baby survived.

I haven't verified what I was told, but I'd suggest it to your DH and tell him he has a choice once he has produced milk and consistently fed a baby.

Am I wrong to wonder why his first marriage didn't survive?

YoniBottsBumgina · 21/08/2013 00:32

...(and to continue the plan for him simulating breastfeeding) Every time the baby cries, you must hand it to him claiming "I think he must be hungry, he doesn't want me, he wants you!" and feign helplessness. Sleep with ear plugs in at all times and ensure to snore extra loudly and move across to the middle of the bed as soon as he gets up to see to the baby. Complain if he switches a light on at night because "I'm trying to sleep here!"

I'm sure we can think of more

Hollibaloo · 21/08/2013 00:33

He may say that extended breastfeeding has affected our relationship in that we don't have as much sex as he'd like. But then I have a friend who has also ebf her children and her dh got up with them if unsettled etc so they were not so dependent on her and happy to be put to sleep by him which doesn't happen in our house. However her dh probably gets about a tenth of the sex mine does!

OP posts:

YoniBottsBumgina · 21/08/2013 00:35

Hmm. Let me guess, because you're not having it 3 times a day (with appetiser blowjobs in between) it's not as much as he would like?

Can I make a crude guess and say you probably have it somewhere between twice a week and once a fortnight, which is probably a lot more than many couples with young children.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 00:36

This is about sex then ?

those "nights out" are a euphemism for him getting a shag ?

he sounds crapper and crapper

Hollibaloo · 21/08/2013 00:38

Af it's not just me saying no agreement to breastfeed = no baby. It's his arrogant attitude that his sexual gratification should come before what's best for our dc that I think needs to change before we consider having a third child.

OP posts:

Waffling · 21/08/2013 00:40

You know kids can thrive without breastmilk, yes?

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 00:42

You are dripfeeding a bit, love

but yes, I agree with you

would you consider LTB ? < brightens >

Hollibaloo · 21/08/2013 00:43

Yoni he'd love that and seriously thinks it's (excuse the pun) doable once the kids are older/if dc3 is ff. We have it at least 3 times per week. He wants to sneak off while 2 yo is playing for a quickie but it does not appeal to me one little bit. Don't get me wrong, I like sex but don't like feeling I'm going to be mauled everytime baby/kids are occupied or asleep.

OP posts:

Lazyjaney · 21/08/2013 00:44

There is Bf, and there is EBf. The former IMO is important for the child, the latter is more of a lifestyle choice.

Hollibaloo · 21/08/2013 00:45

Sorry for dripfeeding. Was trying not to just post a rant.

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squoosh · 21/08/2013 00:45

Kids can thrive without breastmilk.

Wives can't thrive with selfish, bossy gits for husbands.

Lweji · 21/08/2013 00:46

Aibu to stand my ground and say I will only have another dc if I can breastfeed?

What do you think will happen if you have another child?
Do you think you'll need his permission to bf?

Your decision to have another child or not should be irrespective of his want about feeding the baby.

Just tell him that you will bf any child that you have and if he doesn't want to cope with that, then he should decide not to make another child.

Hollibaloo · 21/08/2013 00:47

Lazy - dc2 is only just 2 though and WHO guidelines are bf until at least 2 so technically just doing what's best...

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 00:47

it's ok holli, I understand better now and sorry for being a bit brusque

I don't like the sound of this man. Don't have another baby with him.

YoniBottsBumgina · 21/08/2013 00:47

Ick. When do these men think you're supposed to fit all of this mythical sex in? I wouldn't have time to do it three times in a day. I think my absolute record is four and that was when I hadn't seen DP for 3 months, we were totally childfree for 4 days and madly in the throes of ridiculous lust young lurve.

Does he think that he lives in some kind of porn movie?

Waffling · 21/08/2013 00:48

I agree squoosh

There's little more attractive than a man desperate for sex with an exhausted woman.

YoniBottsBumgina · 21/08/2013 00:50

I'm not bothered by dripfeeding (tend to do it myself accidentally although getting better at it now!) but it does tend to mean that once the thread has moved on from the original dilemma (which is usually a non issue) to the real dilemma (which is usually a thorny one) that you get a really confusing mish mash of posters offering advice on the original issue and those who are following the thread in more of the direction it has progressed.

5madthings · 21/08/2013 00:50

arf at ebf being a lifestyle choice! it was most certainly what ds2 and ds3 needed. nothing about it was a lifestyle choice to them or me.

IneedAsockamnesty · 21/08/2013 00:50

When it comes to how a baby is fed no matter what the view point of the dad he does not get a choice or a say or any right to attempt to legislate to the mum.

NoComet · 21/08/2013 00:56

YANBU and he'd be heading out the front door never mind the bedroom one.

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Hollibaloo · 21/08/2013 00:57

Waffling I'm not exhausted though. Because I cope and get everything done he sees spare time (ie 5 mins while 2 yo is engrossed in shape sorter) as potential sex time. Which is a massive turn off for me. The prospect of kids interrupting/walking in/unsupervised does not do it for me.

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YoniBottsBumgina · 21/08/2013 01:00

Jesus, while the kids are awake? :( Not cool. Sounds like he is totally obsessed - not meaning to be rude but do you not find that the sex obsession thing sort of eclipses his personality? I always find myself switching off these days if I come across a man who is clearly so focused on sex. It just makes them into such a boring one dimensional person. Sad really :(

Waffling · 21/08/2013 01:00

I get you, exchange "exhausted " to "inappropriate". I bet if he paused with you and had a laugh and a cuddle it'd be way more attractive.

Either way, dude, don't have a baby with him until you know you can care for said baby by yourself.

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