AIBU to be shocked at friends confession

[Kirk1]

We were out at the pub, and she told us that she lost her virginity at age 13! I made a face (my DD is 13) and she made like it was no big deal but I'm really shocked.

It's very young.

With someone of a similar age, or older?

There's an amazing amount of MNers who did the same. That thread really shocked me.

I was 16 and most of my friends had 'been there, done that' well before me. I don't regret the timing of it, nor the guy I was with (we were together 10 years in the end). However, if it had happened with any of the boys I'd been with before that, I don't think I would have regretted it either - all of them were 'nice lads'.

I don't think it's ideal, it's not what I'd want for my daughter - but actually, after reading posts from many MNers in the past - I don't think it's the end of the world either. If she was in a relationship where they cared about each other, then better that at 13 than some random at 17. Not that it has to be one or the other of course!! Just that I think 'circumstances' are a lot more important than age.

A friend of mine did at 11 - with someone of 14. I know them both. She is very sorted now, still in contact with her, she told me about that when we were kids and I've never asked her about it since, wouldn't like to bring it up unless she wanted to.

If she was in a relationship where they cared about each other, then better that at 13 than some random at 17

Yes because illegal sex is the way to go

lots of my friends did it at 11 or 12, and that was the early 70s.
you bet I was/ am shocked

I was thinking from the viewpoint of when I were a youngster, but I've just thought I'm talking about a girl 6 months older than DD1

Puts it in perspective a bit.

it's very sad....and today there seems so much pressure to have set before 18 yrs.

I was 14, it didn't seem like a big deal at the time but as a mum to teenagers now I look back at it in a totally different way

It is very young.

DH was 13, I was 21!

My sister is 13 and it scares me.

To clarify - I didn't know DH at that point, he didn't lose hia virginity to me!

I was 17 and in s relationship that lasted 5 years- my first love

I had a friend who was 12 and when she told me (I was 12 at the time) I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't have dreamt of doing it then.

I hope my DD is older than that when she loses her virginity, and in a loving relationship.

13 is really young IMO. If I think back to when I was that age I was such child still ie climbing trees, using stones to make miniature dry walls... Oh yes I was THAT exciting!

I didn't lose my virginity until just before 17 years old.

I lost mine at 14. I dont think its a big deal really. Dh and I have been married since end of our teens. People are usually more surprised by that.

I was 14. Definitely look at it differently now as opposed to when I was that age.

I was 21!!

My best mate at school lost hers at 13, I remember being quite shocked when she told me at the time it happened. I lost mine at 19 but then went a bit wild making up for lost time

I dont see what the big deal is tbh, some prople are more mature thsn others as long as they are ready thrn its up to them.

I was 14. Im not sure thats too horrendous.

I was incredibly drunk though, that is definitely horrendous.

I was one of the late ones at 17, compared to my school friends where 13-14 was seen as the norm. What's more shocking (and strangely it didn't seem it at the time) was that our school was having major building work done and a large proportion of the young builders (some of them married) were taking many of my classmates home at lunchtime for more than a sandwich. We were in year 9 at the time!

Male friend of mine was 11, she was 13

I understand the shock. In my 30s I found out all sorts of things about my peer group at secondary school. Blow jobs in the library, anal sex in the humanities toilets, threesomes in the French block.

I was so innocent, I was still wondering how to kiss properly like they did on the telly at 15/16.

To be honest, although it is shocking and in most cases illegal, now I'm in my 40s I suppose its a bit like learning to walk/talk as a baby. There is a huge obsession at the time of when these milestones occur...my baby walked at 9 months...my baby is still not walking at 20 months... when by the time they are all at school no-one knows or cares about this information.

Amongst my friends now, does it matter whether I lost my virginity at 12 or 21? In the whole scheme of things? Some people mature earlier in this area than others.

I was a later developer. I lost my virginity at 21 but was then promiscuous for the next 5 years but from just learning that I was a virgin till 21 you may think I was all sweetness and light. For someone starting having sex early doesn't make them a 'slag'. They have only 1 or 2 partners.

My DD's birthday is in June. To lose her virginity at 13 would put her in year 9. Ideally I would want her to wait but I don't think it the worst thing either.

Teenagers have sexual urges that are probably stronger than adults in many ways. I don't really understand why we make it such a huge issue. Sex is enjoyable, or it is supposed to be. With the proviso that it is safe, ie that a condom is used, I can't get too worked up about when it happens to be honest.

Perhaps one thing worth considering is that the strength of peoples sexual feelings differs a lot and lots of 13 years olds will have strong sexual feelings. I remember having sexual feelings from a young age but for some reason deciding that it was the right thing to stick to the law and not have sex under age.

Goodness know why I did this, I wasn't a conformist in other ways, but I'm very glad I did and it felt right at the time.

at Pattie's school builders.