AIBU to be shocked at friends confession

[Kirk1]

We were out at the pub, and she told us that she lost her virginity at age 13! I made a face (my DD is 13) and she made like it was no big deal but I'm really shocked.

It is a big deal of course it is. 13 year olds are not mature whatever people might think, they are not. Their brains havent finished developing yet FFS!

No wonder teenage pregnancy rates are so high if people think underage sex is no big deal.

When my dd was 16 in 1990 she told me she was the only virgin she knew! I believe it happened later the same year with her first serious boyfriend. I was 20 and engaged to the bloke. I have two dgd who will be 14 in the next few weeks and they seem light years away from sex!

My best friend at school was 11 and some other friends were 13. I was old in comparison at nearly 16.

I think it is the reason that I find MN so fascinating- on one thread you get posters who lost their virginity so early, and are quite happy about it, and another thread where posters wouldn't let a 12 yr old camp in their secure back garden with 2 younger siblings.

Having sex early didnt mean I got pregnant I would never get pregnant before I had been married a good few years even when I was 13/14 I knew that.

But we'd get teenage pregnancies anyway! Presumably 18 and 19 year olds are mature enough to have sex? What about people who have a mental age of 13/14, are they never to enjoy intimacy?

Sex isn't something you need a high IQ for. I feel the biggest issue we have with sex in this country is that it is treated as something girls, in particular, should avoid as to just enjoy it is akin to being 'cheap' (still.)

I'd rather ny daughter grew up with the attitude it's there to be enjoyed, but as with all things, protect yourself and protect others. I'd sooner she was a little older than 13 but it's her body and her decision.

Sorry but I do think it's shocking, and I don't care about labelling the children themselves. Children are not always sensible, and are not likely to always use condoms, or be persuaded out of it easily enough. Having sex at that age is a huge risk.

Teapots, the accepted definition of "teenage pregnancy" is under 18s. And I don't understand your logic - if 18 and 19 year olds are going to get pregnant anyway then we may as well throw a few younger ones into the mix

I find it shocking- I don't think they are emotionally mature enough.

I was 14. And I don't regret it. I had a sexual relationship with the lad for two years. We are still friends now.

I think it is important that they know that they do not have to follow the crowd- it is perfectly OK not to be ready.

I did make it pretty clear that I was talking about safe sex! Having sex and getting pregnant are not necessarily synonymous, are they? I was replying specifically to somebody else's post :)

That's the thing. I don't think using a condom (if they always do which I very much doubt) makes sex 'safe' when you are a child.

Exactly I used 2 forms of contraception from a young age. I would never have brought shame on my family by having a baby without being married. Im not like that, but I still enjoyed sex.

And my comment about teenage pregnancy was in response to "But we'd get teenage pregnancies anyway! Presumably 18 and 19 year olds are mature enough to have sex?"
Apols if I've misunderstood

not like what petey?

The range of opinions are huge. Some people are OK with sex at an age where others wouldn't leave them at home for an hour, let them catch a train or cook the evening meal!

I agree exotic but by that token I think it's ok to be ready as well and not labelled as either a poor youngster pushed into sex before she's ready or as promiscuous.

At 13, I wasn't ready for sex, absolutely not. I certainly was at 15 but felt it was 'wrong'. It was 10 years later, aged 25, when I eventually lost my virginity and I have always struggled with enjoying sex. Ideally of course DD will be 16/17 when she has a sexual relationship but if not.I can't pretend I think it's the worst thing that can happen.

true, and I suspect I'll be on the protective end of the scale :o
(hope not, as I like to think "protecting" them as they get older involves teaching them self-reliance!)

SPB - just pointing out that I don't think masses of sexually active 13 year olds are the culprits when it comes to teenage pregnancies

I was 14. He was my first love and completely adored me. I'm still in contact with him 20 years later. I was ready and don't regret it at all.

I don't think it was too young - saying that my dd is only 7. Come back to me in 7 years when she's wanting to do the same.

no they're not. 15, 16 and 17 year olds are, as you suggest. By the time we look at under 16 pregnancies the numbers are tiny. But the consequences of pregnancy for a 13 year old are very different from those for a 17 year old. As are the consequences of sex itself - whether protected or not.

Spb - I would never ever get pregnant before being married a good few year, and was in a long term stable marriage, its just not me. Whether I was 13 or 40. Just because I had sex young doesnt mean I would do something like that.

fair enough. I couldn't give a toss about sex before marriage/pregnancy befpre marriage/multiple sexual partners etc. As long as the parties involved are grown ups :)

That's the thing, I am totally against anyone, of any age, having casual.sex without using a condom. It is dangerous and selfish.

However that does not mean I am against casual sex. And I do think, for the record, 13 is too young and I don't exactly condone it - but I don't necessarily think it is terrible either. I do think that by repeatedly giving girls the message that their virginity is something to be guarded and protected at all costs we are essentially giving the message that sex is Wrong and Bad and Naughty and I think that in itself can be quite.a dangerous message to grow up with.

The other problem is that once someone's virginity has been 'taken' it almost seems there is a 'well so?' Attitude. I hear a lot about being ready for.younger girls but what about the young lady of 17 who lost her virginity at 16 who might not be ready to be intimate with her new partner? Just musing it I do feel our attitudes as a whole are strange .