Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be shocked at friends confession

180 replies

Kirk1 · 17/08/2013 01:42

We were out at the pub, and she told us that she lost her virginity at age 13! I made aShock face (my DD is 13) and she made like it was no big deal but I'm really shocked.

OP posts:
ARealDame · 17/08/2013 15:36

thanks phantom!

lljkk · 17/08/2013 16:39

I am shocked that OP (or anyone, really) is surprised.

exoticfruits · 17/08/2013 17:16

Not shocked- saddened that childhood ends so early.

FrauMoose · 17/08/2013 17:43

I think what saddens me is the apparently quite widespread failure by adults to protect young people who - in many ways are children - from experiences which can havedifficult and unanticipated consequences.

dementedma · 17/08/2013 18:00

Dh works with young people in care.knowing of a young person aged 11/12/13 etc being sexually active would instantly result in a call to social services. If your happy for your young teens to be having sex, better hope they keep it a secret....

livinginwonderland · 17/08/2013 18:31

DP was 13 when he lost his. I was 17 (as was the guy I slept with).

PeriodMath · 17/08/2013 19:04

I am finding the majority of posts on this thread gobsmacking. Not doubting anyone, just amazed that people were having sex as CHILDREN. I honestly did not know anyone who started having sex before the 6th form! Well, maybe they did but it certainly wasn't public knowledge.

Presumably only people who had sex this young have chosen to post. I cannot believe this is the norm amongst MNers.

As for the cool mums saying they'd be ok with their children having sex at 13 - I just find that so sad.

Sex at 11? Something has gone very wrong in a child's life (boy or girl) for this to happen.

forehead · 17/08/2013 19:06

I was 23. I proud of that I waited.
I personally think that it is wrong to have sex before the age of consent.

exoticfruits · 17/08/2013 19:27

I can't believe it is the norm either- I wouldn't be OK with my DCs having sex before 16 yrs. I was actually 22yrs- nothing to do with waiting- just too shy.

Bubbles1066 · 17/08/2013 19:35

13 is shocking IMO. I was 24. Sex didn't even occur to me at 13. I just waited until I met the right guy.

Remotecontrolduck · 17/08/2013 20:21

I'm actually very surprised at this thread, normally I find MN errs very much on the over protective side!

13 is too young. I'd say 15 is the lowest age I'd think it would be 'ok', as long as they were a 'mature' 15!

11 is just horrific, that is FAR too young and I'm amazed anyone could possibly condone that. They could still be in primary school!

StuntGirl · 17/08/2013 20:30

I think a child having sex at 13 has been badly misinformed, badly supported and badly let down by the adults in their lives.

I don't believe any 13 year old child of any gender or sexuality is capable of understanding the potential negative consequences of sex.

exoticfruits · 17/08/2013 20:53

I agree stuntgirl.

BuskersCat · 17/08/2013 22:18

StuntGirl Hmm I was well supported, and have excellent parents that I can always rely on to be there for me, I was well informed, and on the pill already (period control) anad still used condoms. I was 14, and had sex because I wanted to nothing to do with the adults around me not arming with information, I knew I wanted to have sex, so did.

indyandlara · 17/08/2013 22:34

Mn is a funny old place. One day we have threads complaining about the early loss of childhood, then the next we have ones where a good proportion of posters think 13 is a fine age for children to have sex. It would never be okay in my book if my daughter was having sex at that age. 11 just defies belief and I really hope no one really believes that is okay.

exoticfruits · 17/08/2013 22:37

I can't get my head around it either, indyandlara. Some parents won't let them boil a kettle or use the oven at that age and yet other are OK with them having sex.

whois · 17/08/2013 22:40

I had sex for the first time when I was 19.

I think it's really hard to say there is a 'right' age. 14 and in a long term relationship with another teenager is probably a better time to have sex than age 21 with some random just because you want to 'loose' your virginity. But 14 would have been too young for me, I was still a child.

Some of my friends had sex really young, like 13. And most of them were hanging out with a 'bad' crowd with older boys. And most of them at some point had an unpleasant experience of being pressured into something.

ShiverMeWhiskers · 17/08/2013 23:10

I was 14. It sounds so young thinking about it now, but at the time it was right. He was two years older than me and we were very much in love. He died in a car accident just before I was 16 so I am glad that we had lost our virginity together.
My only other sexual partner is DH, we've been together 20 years so having sex early didn't turn me into a sex crazed nutcase!

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 17/08/2013 23:15

I was 13. I was precocious and gagging for it. He was 15, I think, there was no 'relationship' and it happened 5 or 6 times. I went on to have a proper sexual relationship from 16-18.

internationallove985 · 17/08/2013 23:50

I was almost 17. I wasn't properly ready but I don't think you ever are, as nothing prepers you for your first time.
I just wanted to get it over with. xxx

cory · 18/08/2013 00:04

erhmmm...the discrepancy between posters not letting their children boil a kettle and thinking it is ok for them to have sex is only relevant if we have checked that they are the same posters

ime the parents who are very protective of their children in kitchen and daily life situations are also very protective of them when it comes to sex; they tend not to get many opportunities to get up to much (except by going behind their parent's backs)

Mumsnet is not one voice, but many voices.

StHelenInPerson · 18/08/2013 00:11

I lost mine at age 13-14 not 100% which wasn't really keen tbh guy was 18 met him in town as most teen did hang about town,
I look at it differently like others have said ,I never heard from him again and it was horrid I felt Ill and was in pain the day after.
Oddly I wasn't bothered that I didn't hear from him,I know he used me and looking back I can see I was easy meat no set boundaries and he had red flags in proving it and paved the way to my next abusive relationship.

I'd be horrified if my dd was or felt pressured to have sex at that age.

peteypiranha · 18/08/2013 06:58

I was never allowed out past 8.30 until age 16,never went to an underage disco, wasnt allowed to wear heels, strappy tops or bikinis until after age 16 etc. I still had sex eith my boyfriend secretly, but as I said me and dh were married by end of teens so I was just ahead of my time.

exoticfruits · 18/08/2013 07:01

That is the whole point- they are different posters. It is the very thing that makes MN fascinating for me. One person wouldn't let their 13 year old get a train alone whereas another thinks it perfectly reasonable for them to have sex.
Some posters make me feel as if I am over liberal to the point of negligence and others that I am an authoritarian control freak- all on the same day on the same site!

peteypiranha · 18/08/2013 07:10

Its not that I would 'let' my teen have sex but just that I would arm them with all information on contraception, stds, model a good, respectful supportive marriage, and talk to them without any shame or embarassment. I have never had a man mistreat me either sexually or otherwise due to good parenting, regardless of the age I first had sex.