AIBU to be shocked at friends confession

[Kirk1]

We were out at the pub, and she told us that she lost her virginity at age 13! I made a face (my DD is 13) and she made like it was no big deal but I'm really shocked.

DH lost his virginity at 12 to another 12 year old, then was so mortified and embarrassed about it that he didn't have sex again until he was 17.

I started getting strong sexual feelings at 12 and would probably have had sex if the opportunity had arisen. As it was I was 15 and rather promiscuous for the next 3 years until I met my DH.

I was 16 when I lost my virginity but I was ready at 12 ans would of then if given the chance.

Looking back I was a bit immature at 12 and seeing 12 year olds now days I have to scream "too young!"

I was 14. Not a big deal really. I haven't any regrets and I was the instigator. I can see now I'm a mum my view will change mind.

Teapots you are right! When two our ds were 15, with a long term girlfriends, i discussed contraception, and the law with them, ephasising that sex is the most natural urge, and also that now they were in an adult relationship, they must behave responsibly.

I'm really concerned by the attitude from some posters that this is the girl's responsibility - younger than 13, it's rape!

I'm even reading posts that talk about pressure and coercion.

Hasn't the arrest of 70s and 80s celebrities for abuse of young girls meant anything?
Do you really think that a child giving consent makes it all OK so long as she uses a contraceptive?

It's not rape if the boy is the same age though. But yes, I agree. The judge recently who called a 13 year old "sexually experienced" - presumably he meant "victim of long standing sexual abuse and rape"

YANBU, I would have been really shocked.

I was definitely still a child at 13 and as I was a late starter (I was 23 ) I just can't imagine having sex that young

Is anyone else getting an ad for a "tailor fit condom"? ->

I was early 20s but then I was very shy and had wanted to wait until I fell 'in love' sadly wasn't to be (all the boys I liked had girlfriends!!) so I lost it on a one night stand in the end.

Most friends seemed to lose it from age 13 onwards.

I was shocked by the girl I knew who lost it at age 11 - far too young.

It's a shame that those who aren't ready to have sex often feel under pressure from those who are more mature for their age.

Wow, I wrote this late last night while i was a bit drunk. I didn't expect it to be this big a thread when I got up!

She said he was a fair bit older (20? details hazy...) and that she'd instigated it. I guess my reaction was coloured by my experience (raped at 11) and that my DD is 13. She laughed at our shocked faces!

My dd1 is 13, almost 14 and I would hate to think of her having sex. I think she is far too young, and tbh she thinks that too afaik.

I also have a form of pupils about to start year 9 (so all now 13) and I am fairly certain that at least a couple of them have started having sex. They also are far too young, but the ones that I suspect have started having sex are the ones (girls and boys) who have lower self esteem and want to be liked, they seem to think it's expected of them to be sexually active at this age. They haven't had enough sex education to know about the big concerns about safe sex yet - they get that in year 9 at our school, so they might be using condoms but they might not seeing as they just don't know enough about stis and pregnancy. Knowing some of the questions they ask when they do start their sex education topics I am absolutely amazed that the sexually active pupils aren't all riddled with stis and that we don't have a much higher teen pregnancy rate.

I personally was 18 and I don't regret waiting, but then again I think I was late in getting interested in boys as I didn't even fancy anyone til I was 16.

I was 18.

I wouldn't want any child of mine (boy or girl!) to have sex at 13. I do think that despite all those raging hormones and desires the possible negative consequences of sex mean it should be reserved until one is older.

13 is way too young.
I had a couple of sexually active friends at school. Two of them lost their virginity at 13/14. Both of them with older guys, over the age of 16.
Back then, we all thought they were daring, fun, sophisticated. Nowadays, I think they were exploited by perverts/paedophiles. One of the boyfriends was 19 and she was a young looking 13.

I knew all std risks at 13/14 and all contraceptive options. I had my own rabbit at 16, and went away to hotels regularly with my boyfriend by then and really enjoyed the sex I had.

I agree with Tanith.

I'm damn glad dd is 18 and wasn't desperate to lose her virginity.

The thing is though that it makes no difference what any of us think about it, it will still happen. Teenage sex has always and will always be a reality. What we need to do is stop being sqeumish about it, and teach our young people, male and female, about respect, safety, and protecting themselves properly. Pretending it doesnt exist doesnt help anyone.

I'd have done it at 13 if any bloke had looked twice at me.

I went to a very naice school and was surrounded by sexually experienced 13 year olds.

Of course as an adult with children of my own it fills me with dread, but when you're a smart-pants 13 year old who knows about contraception and STDs and has ready Jilly Cooper/Shirley Conran/Jackie Collins all you want is a go on a cock!

Completely agree onthebottom 100% as long as the girl has high self esteem and self respect she will have respectful relationships at any age.

I was 19 and I'm a teacher now. When I look at our Year 8s and 9s they seem very much to be children. I can't imagine them having sex but I'm sure some of them are.

I had friends who were having sex at 12 and 13. I now realise they had been the survivors of earlier sexual abuse. At the time we were jealous of them having done it.

There was also absolute shock in my school when an STI went round. and the girl involved got the blame

it was also quite common where i lived (rural area) for girls of 13 or 14 to go out with men in their twenties and thirties because they had cars and access to alcohol (and also to contraception as you had to travel to another town to get a pharmacy). i now realise those men were perverts.

I did also have a few friends who got pregnant at fifteen and sixteen to lads their own age. it was not always a bad thing.

spb two consenting (in as much as they can) under sixteen having sex is not statutory rape. however if try are as young as thirteen it is likely to cause child protection concerns possible prosecution of the parents and involvement of SS if it comes to official notice. it is parental neglect. (even though the youngsters involved may not see it that way and the parents may not know)

I was 16. DH was 15.

I have a 14 year old and the thought of him having sex scares the crap out of me. Thankfully, I can't see it happening for many years as he is pretty immature and so far has no interest in girlfriends.

I think 16 is too young emotionally for a lot of people, let alone anything under

I was 14, 2 months short of my 15th birthday.

I was perfectly ready and responsible. No regrets.

What has having your own rabbit got to do with anything? :o

I agree absolutely with Onthebottom (that's a strange sentence) :) Children need education exactly as she describes, and to know about how to protect themselves against STDs, about respecting themselves and each other, and be given the tools to make informed decisions as far as possible - just hoping young teens won't have sex or telling them not to is crazy. A lot of young girls (and boys) don't know the risks properly, and playground myths (about not getting pregnant the first time, or during your period) persist, as does the obsession with the risk of pregnancy and the ostrich attitude to STD risk.

I personally think the best option is to be age appropriately willing to answer questions and educate around the subject when opportunities come up (even when its your 7 year old asking what the condom machine in the airport toilet is), that way the information children need isn't presented all at once in a school sex ed lession or via "the talk", meaning they will mis and mis understand things, but they will have the facts they need before they need them in order to keep themselves safe with regard to situations that may well occur in the course of normal teenage years - not necessarily not having sex at all, but not making the decision just to please somebody else or keep up with peer pressure (a lot of which is empty bragging and bravado anyway) and being safe if they do ... That's what I am hoping anyway...

But all this is with the benefit of hindsight. i saw it very differently at the time and more like dayoldcheesecake

Also it is an under reported fact that a large proportion of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by under sixteens. so it is a v complicated issue and the fact the two parties are of similar age does not rule out abuse.

Mrtumbles - Just meant I suppose ots hard to relate to the polar opposite to you. I couldnt imagine waiting until 21/23 etd I had been married a while by then, and having had sex since 14. I have never been coerced and have always had mutially satisfying sex with orgasms for both people, and my pleasure in mind just as much as the boys. I have never had a bad sexual experience where anyone has forced me or that I have regretted. I just started young as I enjoy sex.