AIBU to be shocked at friends confession

[Kirk1]

We were out at the pub, and she told us that she lost her virginity at age 13! I made a face (my DD is 13) and she made like it was no big deal but I'm really shocked.

I dont mind sex at any age as long as it doesnt mean people are having babies irresponsibly and unfortunately this happens at all ages

I lost it at 14 and regretted it. I went on to be very promiscuous. Not that those two facts are necessarily linked probably more pertinent was the sexual abuse I had suffered as a young child
but I DO think 14 is too young, as a child of that age can't really understand the consequences in terms of stds, pregnancy and emotional stuff

No that's a very good point and one I've made on other threads. If a 13yo has had sex, that does not put her (or him) in the sexually active group. There is nothing wrong with, having had sex, deciding you're not ready after all. Agree that "virginity" is not a wonderful prize to be protected at all costs (and that only ever seems to apply to girls) but emotional and physical health of both girls and boys is a prize worth protecting.

I was 14 with someone from the same class as me. we went out for a little bit but don't think it was that long really, cant remember very much about it now in all honesty as it seems so long ago and lots of many more significant things have happened since then.

I didn't think I was young at the time but looking at nieces/nephews who are only 14 it does seem like they are too young - im sure they see themselves differently though.

I don't know if its a good or a bad thing - I just think of it as something that happened.

Absolutely SPD! :)

petey babies are not the only bad consequence of sex. In fact they can be pretty much the only nice one. That is a very old fashioned attitude.

They are if you are in a dysfunctional relationship, only known the man your having one with 2 minutes, havent got a job or anywhere to live etc. I know plenty of people in their 20s and 30s doing this. Having sex young has nothing to do with that if your sensible.

i was only 14. the boy was 13 but we were in the same year at school. all my friends had done it by then as well.

he was a real twat. he used to slap me about and call me ugly, fat etc. (i was neither) he then dumped me, publicly, and went out with my "best" friend

tbh it started a pattern of me being in abusive relationships that carried on into my 20's

i don't want that for my dd, ever

No I will have to disagree, anf the latest poster has just illustrated that nicely. Babies are not the only potential consequence of underage sex. have you heard of STIs? Oh and pregnancy itself can be very damaging on a young body.
That's before we start on the emotional stuff.

I was on 2 forms on contraception and got married in my late teens as did my dh. We have now been married quite a long time. Will be fine if dds chose the same. I was much more mature than most.

I'm glad that it worked for you. Sadly that is not the case for the majority of children who have sex.

Everyone in my friend group lost it at 16 and under all normal. You would never guess looking at any of us. You only hear the bad cases

No you don't. The evidence shows that teenage sex and teenage pregnancy is bad for the girls and for any babies they have.

Thats just the ones they know of though. There are 1000 s of people that did it that are fine.

I was a very late starter compared to most people on here - I was 21.
Dd1 had her first relationship at 17.
Even give my apparently exceptional late start, I think 13/14 is way too young.

I was 13, on holiday with a spanish waiter tbh I was pushed into it, wanting him to like me etc, not being mature enough to say no, just given too much freedom by my parents he also thought I was 16! then I never did it again until I was 16. looking back i do regret it and wish I had better self esteem and assertiveness skills back then. that is what worries me most about young girls today, I see many making the same mistakes I made and sleeping around to be liked, feel wanted etc.

we'll have to agree to disagree petey

I used to be a secondary school teacher and was always shocked and exasperated by the fact the teenagers I taught only ever considered pregnancy as a risk of sex, and never ever seemed to take STDs seriously. The subject I taught was totally unconnected to sex or social education but I overheard so many conversations on the subject and it was always the pregnancy risk they rather revelled in discussing and worrying about, STDs didn't have the "glamour" (for want of a better word) of teenage pregnancy and were never discussed.

There were a few silly girls who actually said they wanted to get pregnant as they insisted that they would then get their own flats! Obviously everyone knows that doesn't happen, especially where the mother is under 18! Even when one 15 year old had twins and remained living with her mother (who she had a turbulent relationship with, and who had another baby of her own around the same time) these few silly girls refused to believe that they wouldn't be "given" a flat if they had a baby. Luckily I think those few were "all talk" and not actually acting on what they were saying...

I lost mine at 14 also, I don't necessarily regret it but at the same time do wish I had maybe waited a little bit longer.

For the poster who said 'teenage pregnancy' is classed as those under 18, you are wrong, its classed as anyone under 20 the clue being in the name eigh'teen' & nine'teen'. I had my eldest a few weeks before my 19th birthday (he was premature) and when he was a couple of months old I was referred to the local 'teenage' mum's group, however I left after a couple of weeks as all the girls were only around 15 years old, were very immature and their kids were treated more like fashion accessories and I felt very out of place.

Two of my friends did at 11 they're now married . Does seem very young though.

Any indicator on teenage pregnancy looks at under 18s or under 16s

here you go

I lost my V-plates at 16 and still went on to be very promiscuous. I hate all this crap that people (although it's aimed more at girls than boys) should be in a loving relationship before having sex. Sex is fun. If you are careful and not coerced then I don't see the problem.

I agree AKiss. I have no problem with people enjoying sex for sex's sake. I do have a problem when those people are children.

It is young and I would be horrified if my dd did the same...

On the other hand I did at 15. I'm not proud of it, should have waited and the circumstances weren't particularly edifying. But I don't think it did me any lasting long term damage.

I think also context is more important than age. Losing your virginity underage with someone you love and who loves you and makes you feel safe is preferable to losing it at 18 in a casual and non-respectful encounter.