AIBU to be shocked at friends confession

[Kirk1]

We were out at the pub, and she told us that she lost her virginity at age 13! I made a face (my DD is 13) and she made like it was no big deal but I'm really shocked.

I agree with the posters who say that context is everything. It is better to have sex at 14 in a monogamous serious relationship than at 16 whilst drunk with a stranger. I'm going to try to teach my dc's to respect themselves and others and to make sure that they engage in safe sex.

For me early sexual experience was all about coming from a home where there wasn't much affection or communication and not having sufficiently strong friendships either. I hoped that getting physically involved with boys would lead me to some warmth, love and care. It didn't work. It was only when I met somebody I bit more committed at the age of 19, that I realised what I had been missing.

I would hate my own child to have the experiences I had. She has good friends, is happy at school and a lot of interests. Many of her friends are from strong faith backgrounds in which early sexual experience would be strongly discouraged. So far she doesn't seem in a rush to get sexually involved with anyone. Which is a relief to me.

I remember at college them saying girls who have sex under 16 donit due to low self esteem and boys that do it under 16 usually have high self esteem. Hmm cause girls shouldnt enjoy sex and if they do they are messed up in some way? I spoke out to that tutor to as I think thats a load of rubbish tbh. There are so many different situations its hard to measure.

I do think sex at 12 or 13 is quite horrifying. I am very doubtful that there are many children of that age who are emotionally truly ready for a sexual relationship. Never mind the links to cervical cancer from early sexual activity. If kids are having sex at 11 when were they able to have a childhood?

I can see how some kids would be ready at 14/15. I think if you have a sexual relationship you've also got to be ready for if something goes wrong and you get pregnant. At 14/15 some people might be ready for that kind of responsibility.

At 12/13 no one is. I don't care how 'mature' a child seems, they are not ready for that at that age.

Now I see what you mean pete

I think most (not all) 13, 14, 15 year olds are a bit too eager to be liked and to please the person they are with, and can get pushed into things (not just the sex but for example wanting to have sex but getting pressured into not using a condom and believing it'll be OK "just this once" or because its their first time, or because its only 2 days since AF, and in the heat of the moment or under pressure getting caught up in only considering the pregnancy risk and forgetting the STD risk). Of course older people can too, but most people (not all) become better at saying no and less desperate to please as they get a bit older.

I was 17 and not in a proper relationship, just a holiday "romance" and I just decided I wanted to try it :o I neither felt pressured (it was my idea, though he was a couple of years older) nor was I in luurrrve (which we all know teens can be prone to convincing themselves they are, when that's not quite what it is :) ) I am not, I hasten to add, denying that teens can genuinely be in love, and marry at 16 and go on to celebrate their silver wedding anniversary happy ever after ...). I didn't regret it because it was my decision and on my terms - possibly because I was away from the people I knew day to day (so not worried about rumours or anything being said afterwards) and because I didn't think I was in love with him so wasn't about to be persuaded to do anything I didn't want to to keep him happy. However I wouldn't set it up as an "ideal" either - I don't think there is such a thing!

I think 13 is almost always going to be too young, just because so many / most young teens are so easily influenced and so worried about what other people think and about being liked by the people they like...

Agree with onthebottom and whoever saaid its about making sex education part of lif not "the talk". There was someone on here the other day asking whetger she shoukd tell her 6yo hw her baby was going to get out of her tummy! Sex being taboo has to change and I find it asdifficult as anyone but the facts need to be presented with no stigma as part of life.

I'm 48 and lost mine at the age of 17. Looking back I think I was still too young, another year would have been more appropriate for me. Some of my friends lost theirs at the age of 13 and 14. I couldn't have even considered it at that age. To some, sex has never been that big a deal, just a recreational pastime, to others it's much more meaningful and significant.

I knew two girls who lost their virginity when they were 13 in year 8. One was a friend and it was with another boy in the year. She had a lot of emotional problems and was always crying for some reason. She's very happily married with a son now.

The other was a girl who said she had sex with a 24 year old. I remember asking how it felt and she made a face and said it hurt but it was ok. I was really naieve as a young girl and had no idea until recently that she may have been groomed into it. I can't even remember her name now, but I do remember she was one of the popular girls who acted and dressed older than her age.

I used to compile the figures for the clinics at an NHS trust hospital. The vast majority of terminations are not teenagers who find themselves accidentally pregnant. It is women in their 30s and 40s who find themselves with the most unwanted pregnancies. I didn't do the figures for the GUM clinics but I reckon the statistics would be similar.

No the majority of terminations are not to under 18s. That is because the majority of conceptions are not to this age group. I think the termination % for under 18s is about 45% and this rises to 60ish% for under 16s. I doubt that figure is as high for women in their 30s and 40s.

49.3% of U18 conceptions leading to abortion in 2011. 60.5% of U16 conceptions

Yes and a lot more older women conceive and so many more terminations in those age groups.

"No the majority of terminations are not to under 18s. That is because the majority of conceptions are not to this age group."

exactly my point

But I'm not sure what the point you're making is about underage sex?

So many 11 year old's... . That's incredibly sad.

For those people convinced that their teenage daughters are not sexually active, that was exactly what my friend's parents thought. Nice, middle class, academically successful girls and I was one of a very small number who weren't sexually active before 16.

Underage pregnancies mentioned up thread. I don't think teenagers are any more irresponsible when it comes to protection than older ladies. My opinion is based on the information I used as part of a job I used to do.

really - so because the actual number of abortions to older women is greater than the number of abortions to teens you have decided that older women are more irresponsible?

so if there are 10 women in their 30s, 7 get pregnant and 2 have an abortion
Compared to 10 teens, 4 having sex, 2 get pregnant and both have abortions
(gross change tot he figures I realise)
You still think the abortion rate is higher in grown women??

Only read 2 pages of comments so far but have got to say I think 13/14 is too young. WAY too young! There is a reason why the legal age is 16 and the fact some of you are happy for your children to do this underage is quite sad. I agree with some posters who say that a lot of parents won't even let their children catch a bus or cook a meal aged 14. And in all honesty, when having sex the end result could end in pregnancy. No matter how careful you are..it could happen! Especially when a CHILD is having sex because they are not as clued up as us especially if they are in the heat of the moment. So being ok with your child having sex could mean them getting pregnant...how are they meant to take care of a baby if they don't even know how to catch a bus or cook?!

Or it could end in infertility

A smaller % is also due to more conceptions in those older age groups being planned.

Exactly! I'm sorry I'm really struggling to understand the point you're making. Yes, more abortions are to older women than teens because a) there are more of them (the ratio of 25-44 year olds to 13-19 year olds is 20:7) and also a greater proportion of them are having sex and getting pregnant. It doesn't mean that the average woman aged 25-44 is more likely to abort than the average teen.