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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be shocked at friends confession

180 replies

Kirk1 · 17/08/2013 01:42

We were out at the pub, and she told us that she lost her virginity at age 13! I made aShock face (my DD is 13) and she made like it was no big deal but I'm really shocked.

OP posts:
Bumpotato · 17/08/2013 13:00

I didn't say that SPB

SPBisResisting · 17/08/2013 13:30

Sorry - I'm not being argumentative, I genuinely don't know what point you're making. You said (I think) most abortions are to women in their 30s and 40s - that may be so - but so what?

SPBisResisting · 17/08/2013 13:31

and you said " I don't think teenagers are any more irresponsible when it comes to protection than older ladies", which I do disagree with

Bumpotato · 17/08/2013 13:34

Let's disagree then Grin.

SPBisResisting · 17/08/2013 13:37

OK. Confused as to the point you were making but will give up.

celticclan · 17/08/2013 13:40

13 was the average age when I was at school. Very few people did it because they wanted to it was just expected.

thegreylady · 17/08/2013 13:46

I think it is wrong to condone sex at 13/14 and younger.It is irresponsible for a parent to say 'it's her body,her decision'. You wouldn't let a four year old cross a busy road alone because they decided to,you wouldn't let a three year old poo on the carpet if they had begun toilet training,you wouldn't let your 15 year old take a car down the motorway or drink a bottle of vodka even if that was 'their decision'.Those things are all inappropriate and dangerous.Children do all these things but not with the approval of a parent.

x2boys · 17/08/2013 14:26

my dh niece age 16 first slept with someone aged 14 very young I thought I was 18 and had been with him 6 months but I,m sure lots of my school friends were a lot younger

x2boys · 17/08/2013 14:38

reading this though not everyone thinks sex should happen in a mutually loving relationship ten yrs ago I was late twenties going out several times a week had a few one night stands some regrettable some not so my friend who I went out with was late thirties and she took a different bloke home every week she said sex was not so much more of a big deal than kissing

phantomnamechanger · 17/08/2013 14:44

^^I agree with the grey lady. just because a child thinks it is a good idea, does not mean it is.

if anyone is counting I was 25, yes 25 - do I get a special certificate for winning? LOL

many of the cases quoted involve large age gaps, which has to be wrong because of the imbalance of power - we all know young girls feel flattered by the attention, they want romance and love and happy ever after but all too often they get a quick shag that's not up to much and then dumped - or are cajoled into doing stuff they are not quite happy with but go along with. I know a man who "stole" his sons 13 yo girl friend. he was 43 and until then a seemingly happily married father of 5 boys! was he chasing his lost youth, looking for excitement or a closet pervert, who knows?

I think the idea of a 13 yo feeling grown up enough for sex is akin to a 4 yo getting a buzz from being allowed to borrow mummys make up and high heels. I am an ex- teacher and the vast majority of 13 yos are not as emotionally stable and mature as they think! and if you have watched the documentaries about STDs in teens it is alarming how little some of them seem to know. infertility because of chlamydia is a huge problem. boys still go on about not wanting to use condoms because sex is not good enough then. I heard this discussion recently outside Tesco - group of 3 14 ish boys "she wants me to wear a johnny, I mean it's not right man" "yeah, thats well bad". I have taught Y8 girls who were running a brothel in their parents home in the school lunch hour - being paid for sex acts with y10 lads.

I have a friend with a 13 yo who is always on about what her wedding will be like and how she cannot wait to have a baby. no thought of growing up, seeing the world, getting some qualifications or a job at all.

given the prevalence and availability online of porn (lets face it much of which is not what you might term standard sex) I really worry about our young teens false expectations of what is "normal".

I find it all terribly sad.
sorry for the long post.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 17/08/2013 14:48

I was 13, so was she. I've been told it doesn't 'count' if your first sex is with your own sex but if anyone had witnessed it I think they would say it counts.

ARealDame · 17/08/2013 14:57

I am a bit Shock reading this thread, thinking some folks think 13 is a normalish age to have sexual intercourse.

I only knew one girl who did that, and she was kind of gang-raped with-consent because that was what was "done" by older boys. Think Tracey Emin in Margate (though obviously my friend is not Tracey Emin).

At age 13 I believe few adolescents are able to protect themselves emotionally enough to have sex. This is nothing to do with technically "safe" sex as expressed by another poster.

I think there is plenty of time to find sexual and romantic partners later in life. I don't believe female sex drive exists at age 13 except as in most embryonic form - really a woman's sex drive begins in late teens, and escalates all the way through her 20s to high peak probably around 30 (IME).

Some people think sex means nothing except a physical act so, whatever the circumstances, for them it won't be shocking.

peteypiranha · 17/08/2013 15:12

Of course not everyone acts on it but of course sex drive starts in early teens thats why at that age everyone is constantly masturbating.

ARealDame · 17/08/2013 15:14

maybe speak for yourself

ARealDame · 17/08/2013 15:16

sounds a creepy view tbh, honest sometimes I wish I didn't look at MN.

peteypiranha · 17/08/2013 15:16

Surely everyone is. I dont know many people that werent at that age. Its normal once your periods start and you masturbate a lot and start being attracted to people. Same for boys.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 17/08/2013 15:18

I had a sex drive before I left primary school but I didn't start my periods until 15.

peteypiranha · 17/08/2013 15:20

Some people will be earlier but I would sat would be very rare not to have sex drive at all until 20s.

phantomnamechanger · 17/08/2013 15:21

"everyone is constantly masturbating"

how can you possibly know this?

yes some will be , some will start younger, some will start older. some will do it very regularly, some hardly ever.

but there is a world of a difference between experimenting with how your body feels and reacts in the safety and privacy of your own room, than experimenting with sex because you feel you ought to be doing it by now, or are being pressured, or it will make you feel more grown up etc etc.

Masturbation has very few negative outcomes unless you use dodgy objects and get them stuck!

I actually think as a society masturbation is more taboo than sex!
If we were more open with our DC about masturbation, maybe they would not feel the need to have sex so young?

ARealDame · 17/08/2013 15:22

Like I said, weird assertion IMO.

exoticfruits · 17/08/2013 15:26

I am just surprised that everyone had that amount of confidence -I was very shy. Looking back I don't think it was a bad thing or that I missed out. I wasn't ready at 13yrs or 14yrs-I'm not convinced that many are.

peteypiranha · 17/08/2013 15:31

Phantom - I know masturbating is different and normal that was in response to females not having sex drive until 20s which I think is a very strange suggestion.

phantomnamechanger · 17/08/2013 15:35

the poster said late teens, not 20s

17 is a lot different to 12/13

ARealDame · 17/08/2013 15:36

I never said that, so please don't misquote me. I said IME it starts in late teens and grows all through the twenties and beyond. I just don't think IME/IMO that most girls have a sex drive at age 13 in the "mature" way you are suggesting. If you're gonna disagree with me fine, but don't make stuff up.

peteypiranha · 17/08/2013 15:36

Late teens is still late for a sex drive imo. Most people have a sex drive well before late teens.