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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this lady was rude

215 replies

AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 00:56

I have a 19 year old daughter who tonight I have had to phone in her place of work and tell them that she was unable to do her night shift as she was unwell.

Dd had been feeling a little unwell but was already to go to work until she suddenly started throwing . I
Called work and explained that she was unwell
And apologised for the last minute notice. It was 50 minutes from when her shift was due to start .

The duty nurse who I spoke to then proceeded to tell me how she didnt believe that this sickness was sudden , and why couldn't my daughter phone in . After explaining that she was in the bathroom throwing up and it wasn't sudden I had explained she had felt unwell most of the day. Before hanging up on me she told me she would get management to phone me tomorrow .

Should I complain about the nurses attitude or should I leave it as it was short notice when I phoned . My daughter is still throwing up although not as much and was even going to try and go into work as she felt as though she had to prove to nurse she was ill .

OP posts:
Secretswitch · 14/08/2013 17:41

I have called in for my husband several times. He is diabetic and has experienced instances of extremely low blood sugar. He disoriented during and often after. I make the call to his work (emergency services) as he often is confused for a bit..
I understand how frustrated her manager might be, though. It is difficult to rustle up shift coverage on short notice.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2013 18:09

Good point Pag

My place of work expects you to phone yourself under normal circumstances but in any case there's no one else to do it.

As for the knowing about illness in advance, in my last job once you were off sick you had to phone in by 2pm every day to let them know whether you'd be well enough to come in the next day. How on earth were you supposed to know?

kali110 · 14/08/2013 18:22

I lived at home pag. If i was sick no way were my parents going to ring in for me, even when i was throwing up. My job my responsibility. Not saying its not unfair just that employers are like this now. My last place would not have accepted someonelse ringing in or anyone texting in. They even used to ring you if you had had to leave a message on sickline to check you were actually sick.

SuckAtRelationships · 14/08/2013 18:38

Can't believe a 19 year old got mummy to phone in work for her. hehehe. :o OP she needs to do that herself. She's your DD for sure but at her work you are an interfering mum to a 19 year old that should be capable of phoning in herself. Head over the toilet or not. That's work life.

SuckAtRelationships · 14/08/2013 18:43

Completely forgot to say hope your DD feels better soon. My post wasn't a dig. I understand why you would want to phone in for her of course. It's just not the done thing.

ImperialBlether · 14/08/2013 18:46

Blimey, people are being harsh.

If I was throwing up and wanted my boss to know asap that I wasn't coming in, I'd ask my mother/partner/whatever to call in to tell them. I'd then phone in later to explain.

SuckAtRelationships · 14/08/2013 18:52

Maybe it depends on your work place IB?

In my place of work and in a hospital it seems totally inappropriate.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 14/08/2013 18:59

Blimey, I've called H's work for him a couple of times when he's been too ill to manage a phone call. It's not that big a deal, surely. Better that the OP called her daughter's place of work before her shift started than wait until the daughter could manage the call herself, thus making the notice even shorter.

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 19:39

Hi thanks again for your opinions and I accept I probably was slightly unreasonable .
Dd is slightly better but staying in hospital again whilst they deal with the other problem.
You will be pleased to know she has managed to phone work sick herself today to get her night shift covered (smile).

OP posts:
Original poster
AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 19:42

Nightshift for tomorrow covered posted too soon .

OP posts:
MissYamabuki · 14/08/2013 19:52

YADNBU
I dont know why people feel entitled to have a go at your daughter simply because she's young. Surely she showed responsibility by trying to let work know asap?
I work for a large organisation and our policy is that you have to ring yourself before your normal start time unless you are too unwell to do so in which case somebody else (surely) has to ring on your behalf. All you judgy people - what would you do you if you were in hospital o had been in an accident? Would that get you the sack immediately?
FFS
Hope your daughter gets better soon - the nurse was not only rude but also unprofessional and ageist.

Winter123 · 14/08/2013 19:53

YANBU, however, a guy I work with had his mother phone in sick for him, it was the office joke for a while...

I called in sick for DH the other weekend, I wouldn't normally do it but he had been out the night before and his drink was spiked and was barely able to focus his eyes, let alone make a call. Sometimes, it has to be done but it certainly isn't ideal.

Hope your DD is better soon, OP. I wouldn't complain about the nurse though, I would ensure DD did that.

phantomnamechanger · 14/08/2013 19:58

hope she is better soon OP Smile

Pagwatch · 14/08/2013 20:07

WilsonFrickett
God yes - the pay phone in the hall!
Once I got to the phone, vomit in my hair and realised I didn't have anychange. Had to go back to my room and down again.

I was quite the sight I bet Grin

GW297 · 14/08/2013 20:28

Op - hope your daughter gets well soon.

Roshbegosh · 14/08/2013 20:35

I would discourage DD from complaining. "My mummy told her I was sick at the last minute and she wasn't nice to mummy" fgs

Emilythornesbff · 14/08/2013 20:49

At the age of 19 what job does your daughter do on a hospital ward?
Most of the students are supernumery these days.
Hope she's better soon.

ImperialBlether · 14/08/2013 20:50

Would people be as harsh if it was their husband who was throwing up and asked them to phone up work?

Emilythornesbff · 14/08/2013 20:57

imperial my DH has never in the 15 years i'vevknown him, asked me to call in sick for him. I have never asked him likewise.
Because we are adults.
When I was a child my mum would call the school if I was sick.

TSSDNCOP · 14/08/2013 20:58

Most organisations are spread wafer thin now. Anyone phoning in sick is unfortunately a major inconvenience.

In some organisations people do take the piss, it's not uncommon, they cause massive hassle with scant regard for the consequences and as a result the truly sick get tarred with the same brush.

It's not fair, but it's a fact of life.

I can see both sides of this story, but at least DD is in safe hands and of course will have a nice legitimate sick reason, which will make the short-fused nurse feel very bad I imagine.

Dancergirl · 14/08/2013 21:04

Oh for goodness sake.

All these hypothetical scenarios. Suppose she lived alone? I've never phoned in for my dc/dh. Well bully for you.

Just because your child becomes an adult doesn't mean you stop caring from them. Her age is irrelevant really. She's not acting like a silly little girl who's getting Mummy to call for her. She's genuinely ill.

As for these rules that you're not allowed to call in on someone else's behalf. Why?? You can still pull a sickie if you call or someone else does. Just because you call in sick doesn't prove anything.

ImperialBlether · 14/08/2013 21:04

Emily, my ex husband suffered very badly from depression and I had to call his boss to tell her he wouldn't be in for a while. Do you think he should have called her?

And because you two haven't asked each other, doesn't mean you can't think of a situation where it might be acceptable, does it?

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 21:10

Dd works in a nursing home. I have not discussed the phone call with dd so not sure what dd will want to do regarding nurse .

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 14/08/2013 21:14

imperial I am not passing judgement on your situation.
There are circumstances that necessitate someone calling in on your behalf. I don't think vomiting is one of them.
I don't actually think I've been harsh to the op. I can see that at 19 a mother cares no less for her dd thn when she was 3. But I think that calling into work for adult children is not really the done thing. It looks bad with colleagues nd managers.
And if she lived alone. Well she'd have had to call in herself.
When I shad a house with colleagues it was considered really bad form to call in sick for another person. It attracts suspicion.

Pagwatch · 14/08/2013 21:15
Grin I've never had a 'bully for me' before.

People read what they want. I was just explaining why it seems odd to me. I haven't been rude. It's kind of interesting to me. I love my son dearly but it wouldn't occur to me to phone in for him. I wonder if it's a sort of default setting now?
Not everyone onthe thread has to be freaking out on one side or the other do they?

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