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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this lady was rude

215 replies

AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 00:56

I have a 19 year old daughter who tonight I have had to phone in her place of work and tell them that she was unable to do her night shift as she was unwell.

Dd had been feeling a little unwell but was already to go to work until she suddenly started throwing . I
Called work and explained that she was unwell
And apologised for the last minute notice. It was 50 minutes from when her shift was due to start .

The duty nurse who I spoke to then proceeded to tell me how she didnt believe that this sickness was sudden , and why couldn't my daughter phone in . After explaining that she was in the bathroom throwing up and it wasn't sudden I had explained she had felt unwell most of the day. Before hanging up on me she told me she would get management to phone me tomorrow .

Should I complain about the nurses attitude or should I leave it as it was short notice when I phoned . My daughter is still throwing up although not as much and was even going to try and go into work as she felt as though she had to prove to nurse she was ill .

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/08/2013 13:07

X post. All in one text?

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 13:15

Yes all in one txt I only seen the text because dd has i phone and it came up on the screen, dd has not replied to txt or seen it .

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/08/2013 13:20

It gets better. You read your daughter's texts as well?

Surely most people password protect expensive phones and you can't just happen to see someone's texts unless you're reading them on purpose.

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 13:22

Nope I don't read her texts she has I phone message came up on screen whilst I was with dd .

OP posts:
Original poster
AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 13:23

That should have said I don't purposely read her texts it comes up on the screen on I phone .

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/08/2013 13:24

But you must have read that very long text to know in detail what it said.

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 13:28

It was on the screen . This is not about me reading the txt weather I had or not the nurse still told me she thought that I and dd were lying then told a staff room of health care workers so .

OP posts:
ThePigOfHappiness · 14/08/2013 13:32

It seems to me you're getting massively over involved. Like I said earlier, your dd is an adult, it's up to her to deal with. So if nurse was unprofessional then it's up to your dd to sort out, not you.

bemybebe · 14/08/2013 13:33

Goodness. Having read the thread please do complain about this nurse's rudeness. I have been very ill within 2 hrs of eating muscles in a good London restaurant and did not stop throwing up pretty much for 2 days. Had foam coming up from my mouth by then, but as I was a student and leaving on my own nobody raised an alarm until v late the following night. Nobody taken me to AnE (they should have) and I was too ill to even think rationally, all I was thinking was I am thirsty but should not drink as it will make me v sick again... I was fine in the end. Brrrrr.

As for your dd and her work colleagues... we do not know much of a context here. If your dd is usually late/does not take the work seriously they are going to be suspicious otherwise totally BU. And of course you should be helping out your dd in this situation, suggesting otherwise is absurd.

LessMissAbs · 14/08/2013 13:33

tbh if your dd is now lying on hospital on a drip with unexplained symptoms, I think you should put this issue on hold until shes better. By which time it will probably have blown over.

Whatever you do, don't create any more problems for her at work!

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 13:38

Thank you all for your advice I am not going to phone work I know it is not my place to I was and still am annoyed at the nurse in question .
I am only on mumsnet as I am sat next dd who is currently sleeping and will hopefully be going for tests soon , which I want to be here for .

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/08/2013 13:38

Whether you read the text is very pertinent to your argument as you cannot possibly know what she said to other professionals otherwise. It is the only evidence you have, and it's not exactly conclusive.

If your daughter feels she has been unfairly treated she can presumably deal with that herself as any reasonable adult would. If she needs support that will surely also be available through her union or the workplace grievance procedure.

You need to back off and let her be a grown up.

saintlyjimjams · 14/08/2013 13:40

Gosh have none of you ever had a sudden sickness. I remember going to a meeting, heading our for a quick drink (half a pint) with friends then on the way back suddenly having to stop to throw up in front of loads of people. I didn't have time to get anywhere. It was horrendous.

Ds2 did something similar a year ago looking around a school - was fine when we arrived, midway through the head's speech he whispered to me that he felt sick. We left the hall & ran to the toilets - he didn't make it.

No notice at all.

Yes prob better if the daughter phoned but given than she's ended up in hospital quickly it sounds like severe sickness. It happens sometimes & I would have thought the important thing was that a call was made ASAP given how close it was to the shift.

youarewinning · 14/08/2013 13:40

I think she was rude. I've felt 'unwell' before and put it down to tiredness. I have also had to text management or put my DS on the phone to them as I'm throwing up and cannot ring in. (I'm a LP) And always its short notice - that's the thing about working in school - it only opens up to 1.5 hours before the pupils arrive Grin

I hope your DD feels better soon.

Dancergirl · 14/08/2013 13:52

I can't believe some of these responses!

She 'should' have called in herself? Yes, in an ideal world of course she should have. But she was throwing up and feeling rubbish, who wants to make even a short phone call?

It's not about treating her like a baby, it's about being KIND to a family member. I would not hesitate calling in to dh's work, for example, if he was too ill to do so himself.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2013 14:03

I think most places of work expect employees to ring in sick themselves in most circumstances.

HintofBream · 14/08/2013 14:14

One step worse than the "professionally offended" posters on MN are the professionally spiteful. Plenty around on this thread.
Hope your daughter feels better soon, OP.

WilsonFrickett · 14/08/2013 14:22

Honestly, if someone phoned in sick on an employee's behalf in my old job (and the employee wasn't in the hospital) we'd ask that the employee rang in themself as soon as possible. It's just not the done thing for adults to have someone ring in for them.

kali110 · 14/08/2013 15:05

May seem silly but employers expect the employee to ring in themselves. As said iv been sick many times, had salmonella poisoning twice but iv still had to ring in myself.not nice when you are throwing up but its one of those things .
I do agree that the notice time is sometimes not realistic, as sickness can come on suddenly. Mine certainly did!!

bemybebe · 14/08/2013 15:25

Professionally spiteful on this thread indeed. Before having a baby I was a senior professional on a several hundred pound a year package. My husband did call on my behalf on a rare occasion I was so ill I could not do it myself. Nobody ever questioned that.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2013 15:53

Why is the fact that you were a senior professional relevant to the issue of ringing in sick for yourself?

Pagwatch · 14/08/2013 17:16

I wonder if most of the 'she should have phoned herself' people have lived alone.
I was living in a bed sit working when I was 19. The idea that one can't phone in just sits oddly with me. I have worked for 16 years. Dh has worked for 25 - it as never been impossible to phone in ourselves. I would feel a pillock phoning in for DH and I suspect he'd never hear the end of it, so it just seems odd. That's all.
No pitchfork or spite

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 14/08/2013 17:33

Okay. With the additional information it sounds like you weren't overreacting to call or take her to hospital. I hope dd is better soon.

WilsonFrickett · 14/08/2013 17:35

Totally agree Pag. Can't see any of my old flatmates ringing in for me either. In fact, I often lived in flats/bedsits without phones and had to haul my sick arse down the road to the call box if I was phoning in sick.

Good times Grin

NotYoMomma · 14/08/2013 17:40

yabu!