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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this lady was rude

215 replies

AuntyVirus · 14/08/2013 00:56

I have a 19 year old daughter who tonight I have had to phone in her place of work and tell them that she was unable to do her night shift as she was unwell.

Dd had been feeling a little unwell but was already to go to work until she suddenly started throwing . I
Called work and explained that she was unwell
And apologised for the last minute notice. It was 50 minutes from when her shift was due to start .

The duty nurse who I spoke to then proceeded to tell me how she didnt believe that this sickness was sudden , and why couldn't my daughter phone in . After explaining that she was in the bathroom throwing up and it wasn't sudden I had explained she had felt unwell most of the day. Before hanging up on me she told me she would get management to phone me tomorrow .

Should I complain about the nurses attitude or should I leave it as it was short notice when I phoned . My daughter is still throwing up although not as much and was even going to try and go into work as she felt as though she had to prove to nurse she was ill .

OP posts:
KenDoddsDadsDog · 14/08/2013 05:58

Nurse has broken confidentiality by telling others at work . Complete no no.
She should have tried to call herself though and let her deal with the nurse ! Hope she's better soon.

Roshbegosh · 14/08/2013 06:34

If she was ill all day she should have called early enough for staffing to be sorted out, not got mum to phone at the last minute dumping colleagues in it. I am sure the nurse was pissed off, with good reason.

LoveBeingItsABoy · 14/08/2013 06:40

The nurse should have just told you to get her to ring back ASAP, your daughter needs to speak to her boss about the nurse going round saying she way lying.

poppysaid · 14/08/2013 06:44

If she was feeling sick all day and works in healthcare provision she must have known she would have some sort of bug and be likely to miss work regardless of being sick to avoid transferring it to people she cares for? (Assuming this as boss is a nurse)
You know full well your daughter should have called her own place of work!

DontmindifIdo · 14/08/2013 06:53

Thing is, by getting her mum to call in sick for her, it looks suspect that your dd was lying. That's not the way adults behave.

If she's got food poisoning and has been to hospital, she can call back in herself, tell her boss and that will be that rumour quashed.

I've had someone else call in sick for me once, but I'd lost my voice...

exoticfruits · 14/08/2013 06:55

This is one of these instances that show you need to let go. Once your DC is an adult you can't phone up work on their behalf as if they are still a child.

livinginwonderland · 14/08/2013 08:05

YABU. My work won't accept someone calling in for you unless you physically can't call in yourself (like, you've been in a car crash or something like that). Otherwise, you need to ring in yourself and at least two hours before your shift so they have a chance to arrange cover.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 14/08/2013 08:52

Did you take your 19yo daughter to hospital because she was being sick?

27cats · 14/08/2013 09:14

I'm actually with the OP here. I know there have been times when I've felt so ill with sudden sickness that I would have been incapable of calling work, so I don't see the issue. It's not necessarily a case of OP being over-protective or unable to let go! She's being sympathetic and caring to someone who can't help having fallen ill!

treaclesoda · 14/08/2013 09:18

why would management ring you? I'd have been furious as a 19 year old if my boss had rung my mum.

Also, she should have rung herself. That's standard in most work places surely?

ThePigOfHappiness · 14/08/2013 09:24

I'd have been pissed off too if someone's mum rang in sick for them with less than an hour before shift. It would probably mean I'd have to stay late while waiting for cover to arrive. Possibly agency who don't know the ward and need an really thorough hand over.
Your dd should have rang herself long before you had to.
Please don't speak to anyone else about this, your dd is an adult!
Sorry she is unwell, but I'm also shocked you brought her to hospital with vomiting

MammaTJ · 14/08/2013 09:31

Less than an hour before a night shift is not on. Really, no chance for day staff to maybe go home for a nap, so they can cover, or anyone else have a nap so they can do it. Someone without sleep would have had no choice but to step in. Someone would have had to really struggle, when your DD should have made the call earlier to say she was unwell, rather than wait until she was upchucking and there was no choice.

Having said that, the nurse, in her undestandable anger and upset, has behaved in a very unprofessional way. Your DD needs to deal with that as an adult though. Nice that her colleagues are concerned for her though.

Icelollycraving · 14/08/2013 09:33

Did you really take your daughter to hospital for vomiting?!

Pagwatch · 14/08/2013 09:34

To be honest the duty nurse was rude but your DD was a bit pathetic not being able to phone in herself.
Whatever the truth of the situation you both would have seemed childish and a bit irresponsible. What would your DD have done if she lived alone? I would have been mortified if my mother phoned for me at 19 and I am trying to imagine DS1s face if I suggested phoning in sick for him.

Let it go. Tell your DD to call herself next time.

JerseySpud · 14/08/2013 09:44

YABU

The nurse was probably thinking 'oh god now i have to try and find agency staff with 50 minutes until shift start, or we have to work short staffed'

Unless you know the stress of working on a ward short notice do not judge. and your DD should have phonedbetween vomiting

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 14/08/2013 09:44

Where I used to work I was brought in front of management to explain why I rang in sick just 3 and a half hours before my shift. They didn't believe someone could wake up to be sick at 3am. I rang in my self and had to run off to the bathroom mid call. I was told off for not ringing sooner... so before I knew I was ill Hmm.
The NHS need as much notice as possible to cover shifts, and it seems they would prefer a call a whole shift before you are off (12 hours before you are due to be in).

Your daughter will have to explain why she didn't ring in herself, and why if she felt unwell she didn't ring in sooner to give them chance to get cover. If she says in future she will ring in herself and will ring in as soon as she knows she isn't up to working they probably won't take it any further. Though she will have a sickness form to fill in (we did where I worked) with her line manager. But that is standard.
Next time advise her to ring in when she starts feeling ill.

chillinwithmyyonis · 14/08/2013 09:47

Most places of work don't accept relatives phoning in sick for employees, certainly not where I've worked including NHS.

dinkydonuts · 14/08/2013 09:51

I was rude to the mother of the 50 year old nurse that rang in sick on me the other night. People who get their relatives to phone in for them are usually telling lies about being sick. 50 minutes notice is totally unacceptable as well.

SpeedwellBlue · 14/08/2013 10:04

It would have been better if you had explained that the sickness came on suddenly and that she intended to go to work until it started. Saying she had felt unwell for a while makes it look like she should have phoned earlier.

tootiredtothink · 14/08/2013 10:10

I've had food poisoning, in hospital for about 3 days with it.....however had been vomiting for a few days before that with high temperature and it was dr who sent me in.

Assume you brought dd in just to prove point she was really ill? No wonder the nhs is stretched to hell.

pudcat · 14/08/2013 11:01

Did you really take your daughter to hospital for vomiting?! So there will now be more nurses off sick. I think if it was really food poisoning she would still be very poorly and you have now infected A & E with a tummy bug.

seensomuch · 14/08/2013 11:32

i would only phone in for my dd being sick if she was still at school or in hospital to ill to do it , if she was at college or work she can phone herself ,id let her be what she is , an adult .

mynameisslimshady · 14/08/2013 11:37

You took your daughter to hospital because she was being sick for a few hours? Shock She could have shut the place down.

quesadilla · 14/08/2013 11:43

I think the "short notice" thing is a bit stupid: you can't time a sudden onset of sickness so it doesn't interfere with work. What if you had a heart attack on your way out of the door? Would you get a bollocking for not giving notice?

But I do think getting your mum to ring in sick for you at the age of 19 is pathetic. If she was vomiting she could simply have waited until she stopped vomiting.

I would leave it and tell your daughter she must do her own dirty work in future. A complaint to management by you will simply reinforce the idea that she needs her mum to fight her battles.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2013 11:45

Utterly pathetic. Your daughter should have made that phone call herself and in good time. In my place of work she
would be in trouble at the return to work interview for not following procedure. You are beyond unreasonable.