To think this woman should answer her phone if she is responsible for my son ?

[Shinyshoes1]

Or am I BU ?

My son has been dating this young girl for about 2 months it's all very intense

My son is 16 and his gf is 15 ... He frequently request to stay at her house .... I've refused for a few reasons

1. children are far more sexually aware than when i was younger ..
2. they've been hanging out for very little time although they spend every waking hour together
3. I don't know the home set up ... She has an injunction against her mum or vice versa ... There's an injunction somewhere .. She lives with her aunt
4. I don't want them rushing into anything

They all meet up in secret ...

The young girl has gone away for 10 days with her aunt leaving my son a bit crestfallen , however the mum has taken has taken him under her wing .... I've never met any of them as

1. they are 15/16 it's very early days
2. he's 16 and it's only very recently I've given him Quite a bit of freedom

He stayed over the mothers last night , as I said the daughter is on holiday , there was a " family party " he's got on with all of the family members he's met so far ...

He asked to meet the rest of the family members and he asked if he could stayed the night .....

I have just phoned to speak to her for the very first time as this is the most significant time he's spent at her hoide and I get a text

"she's cooking dinner she daid ring later "

I am pissed off as this is will be the first time I've spoken to her
My DP thinks its very strange that he's staying at the gf mothers house as she's away
Dinner can effin wait .... She's cooking for my son and Her i rvin that an effort should be made ...

I know it's not all about me and she shouldn't be at my beck and call but
I put all of my callers on speaker phone so I can prepare dinner and speak to them at the same time , I I did this with my sister earlier today
Why is my son texting the message , why don't she put the potato peeler down and send a text or like I say just press the speaker button
I just find it rude
Very rude

you really are very naïve OP.

That EXCATLY why I've avoided a situation where he stays round hers

Pssst! People can (and will) have sex anywhere you know.

Why would she phone at this time of night?

I take it he's home.

So what has he said?

My guess is that he is getting to smoke/drink/smoke hash at the mums house and thinks its cool. Get him the hell out of there. Ask questions about the injunction. It is in place for a reason.

Is he home now?

I think I'd shift my thinking away from 'she is responsible for my son'. She isn't.

This isn't a play date you & she have arranged; your ds, for whatever reason & assuming you believe a word of his version, has decided to stay over at her house.

Tbh, I think the most likely scenario is that ds & gf are holed up together & the number you have is for the gf, hence reluctance to ring you back.

But either way, you can either remonstrate with your son or you can accept him starting to sleep away from home overnight. It's definitely not the 'responsibility' of whomever he might be crashing with...

Yes ravenAK that is the other scenarios would think.

OP you need to speak to your DS. It is the only reasonable thing to do.

I have to say though OP, this made me gobsmacked at how breathtakingly naive you are...

Hey hey hey !!!! Steady in !! Sex .. Really ?!?!

He's 16 for goodness sake and in an 'intense' relationship as you put it.

What to you think they're going to be doing?

Playing Monopoly???

OP I used to have sex with my boyfriend in my parents house all the time when I was 16.

While they were in the house.

Sometimes in the next room.

My mum still has no idea about it and I know this because she thinks I lost my virginity to DH (don't ask how that conversation came up. I didn't correct her either. :o)

Worra is 100% right, please make sure your son has access to condoms and have a talk about this. I took some big risks back then.

*Hey hey hey !!!! Steady in !! Sex .. Really ?!?!

That EXCATLY why I've avoided a situation where he stays round hers ...

Rewind and you'll see amongst many reasons , one of them , is I'm trying to seperate them

update

He ( my son) and her ( the mum ) still don't feel anything is wrong

She still hasn't phoned*

The mum has nothing to do with this. Your son has lied to you about where he is.

His GF is not on holiday, that was a lie to lull you in to a false sense of security. Why would he go round to his GFs mum and spend the night when she is not there?

Get real!!

Agree with everyone else.
I will eat my own hair if that is actually where he is.

OP
I think you are really barking up the wrong tree.

For a start, even if - and it's a big if - your DS is with the mother, she is not responsible for him.

She has no obligation to ring you.

And if there is an injunction in place to stop her seeing her own children, that is a massive red flag that she might not be mother of the year.

Your son is 45 mins away. With whom? You don't know. It is his / your responsibility to get the details of who he is with.

You say you want to separate them. Get a grip. You cannot separate two teens in the throes of an intense first love. You need to provide your son with the info, education and means to ensure this first love affair does not become an unwanted pregnancy, an STD or a police questioning for illegal underage sex. You cannot stop him having sex / having his heart broken / breaking his GF's heart.

Sorry to say, you need to do some growing up as well as your son.

It is entirely possible to be done for having sex with a 15 year old even at just 16, age gap is irrelevant. I discovered after we split that my ex has a criminal conviction for 'sex with a minor' from when he was 16 and she was 15. According to my ex's dad she consented but her dad caught them one time and reported it to the police which is how he got done.

That aside I also think its a very bizarre situation, I wouldn't be letting a child of mine stop somewhere when injunctions are involved unless I knew and was happy with the ins and outs.

Sorry, the part of this situation you aren't ok with is this woman not calling you back?
I think a few steps have been missed here. The way this situation seems to have come about is very, very odd to me in conjunction with your views on your son's child status. Bizarre.

On the basis of all posts so far, I'm out.

Yabu for blaming the mum for not ringing you. She may not even know that your darling son has lied. She may not know you dont want him staying there at night. Most likely the gf is there either mum isnt there or reasons above.
Personally i dont think banning him from staying over (when she turns 16) is way to go. More you deny the more they push. I remember being that age. However not all 16 y/o dont think about contraceptives. I was very very strict with them.My parents were very strict so i would lie about going to bfs house, i was nearly 17. his parents didnt know that my parents didnt allow it. would have been much more open if id been able to talk to them then. Might add i werent a tareaway just because i stopped over i just felt suffocated .Just to add that at 16 it is legal for him to have sex ( just not with underage gf).

Sounds like he's pulled a fast one, Mum isn't there but GF probably is. I though he was coming home when his Dad called and told him to?
It sounds to me like he's getting sucked into the crazy family drama and enjoying all the weird dynamics of this home.
He need a break from them to get back to normal family life or he;ll start to think this is how he's supposed to be living, drama, lies, injunctions and all that crap.

Big red flags! Whether he is staying with the mum or the GF I think it can only lead to trouble. I can't imagine any decent parent having someone else's 15 year old over when there are no children present, unless they have other motives. (Unless the child comes from a dysfunctional home and they have taken them under their wing which doesn't sound like the case with you OP- unless your DS is telling her stories?)

Sorry OP I hope it gets sorted quickly.

gobble are you sure your ex's dad was entirely truthful with you?

If 16 yo boys are getting criminal records for having consensual sex with their 15yo girlfriends, it's a bloody outrage. And no, I don't buy the line that 15yo girls cannot give consent - legally or otherwise.

Did he come home?

Why on earth would you let a 16 year old go and stay with his gf's mother, when the gf isn't even there?

He's either pulling a fast one and gf isn't in Turkey.

Or the mother is one of those 'cool' parents who needs to be avoided at all costs. She'll be plying him with alcohol and smoking dope with him. Well that's what the cool parents round here do anyway.

No way was he where he told you.

Did he come home?

I though you were going to say he was 6 not 16!

Get over yourself, other people's lives don't revolve around you and your baby