To think this woman should answer her phone if she is responsible for my son ?

[Shinyshoes1]

Or am I BU ?

My son has been dating this young girl for about 2 months it's all very intense

My son is 16 and his gf is 15 ... He frequently request to stay at her house .... I've refused for a few reasons

1. children are far more sexually aware than when i was younger ..
2. they've been hanging out for very little time although they spend every waking hour together
3. I don't know the home set up ... She has an injunction against her mum or vice versa ... There's an injunction somewhere .. She lives with her aunt
4. I don't want them rushing into anything

They all meet up in secret ...

The young girl has gone away for 10 days with her aunt leaving my son a bit crestfallen , however the mum has taken has taken him under her wing .... I've never met any of them as

1. they are 15/16 it's very early days
2. he's 16 and it's only very recently I've given him Quite a bit of freedom

He stayed over the mothers last night , as I said the daughter is on holiday , there was a " family party " he's got on with all of the family members he's met so far ...

He asked to meet the rest of the family members and he asked if he could stayed the night .....

I have just phoned to speak to her for the very first time as this is the most significant time he's spent at her hoide and I get a text

"she's cooking dinner she daid ring later "

I am pissed off as this is will be the first time I've spoken to her
My DP thinks its very strange that he's staying at the gf mothers house as she's away
Dinner can effin wait .... She's cooking for my son and Her i rvin that an effort should be made ...

I know it's not all about me and she shouldn't be at my beck and call but
I put all of my callers on speaker phone so I can prepare dinner and speak to them at the same time , I I did this with my sister earlier today
Why is my son texting the message , why don't she put the potato peeler down and send a text or like I say just press the speaker button
I just find it rude
Very rude

Oops. I meant I agreed with Donna.

I can't see the problem with her calling back after tea. You have waited ages anyway before making formal contact, so what's an extra hour.

Haven't read full thread, so apologies is this has been said already -

Apart from the fact that you've quite clearly been had, and apart from the fact that although he's 16 there's no reason you shouldn't still be able to keep tabs on him...

apart from all that, what about the fact that it is ILLEGAL for him to have sex with this girl? This is very dodgy ground for him to be treading. If he thinks he's old enough to have sex, then he should be old enough to take the responsibilities of being 16 seriously.

If I were you I would have a v serious chat with him. It wouldn't take much for this to back fire, at which point he could be in some very big shit.

Would it be better not to have any sleepovers till she is 16.

Also if there are injunctions around, I'd seriously would want to have met everyone and understood the situation before involvement got intense.

Is your son safe with a woman who has an injunction against her?

SofiaVagueara they've been having an intense relationship for 2 months

I would hope the OP has already made sure he has access to condoms, no matter where he slept last night.

Also perhaps if there were a more relaxed or open approach to the relationship the 16yr old son would feel that his parental home is somewhere him and his girlfriend could use as somewhere to relax and listen to music, do as they please and even have sex, yes sex! Because that's what hormonal teens do! With good sex education from there parents.

We empower our children with knowledge in the hope (hope, hope and a bit more hope) that they make the right decision.

My father-in-law says that children become hormone driven strangers in their teens and re-surface as responsible adults in their 20s. I think this is very true.

We need to be supportive and never judgemental. Tell them the facts, give a balanced argument. Provide an overview of whatever situation and then let them make their own decision.

If you tell a teenager/young adult what to do they will frequently rebel and do the opposite just to spite their parents.

Bloody kids!

Good luck all who have them :)

I went to university with a few people who were 16 in first year and I was 17 when I left home so...

Yes, but the OP's son is not one of those who has left home and taken responsibility for himself. There's no doubt that some 16-year-olds take on (or have thrust upon them) adult roles and responsibilities. Unless OP's son is prepared to do so, he's a child.

Sure, he can leave home. He hasn't. Presumably because he too recognizes that it is better for a 16-year-old with a secure and loving home environment, with his material needs met, and with the ability to spend "every waking hour" with a girlfriend (so presumably, not working) to remain in that home and enjoy the lack of adult responsibilities.

My DSS is almost 15. He's got no interest in trading his lux life at home for "being an adult". Which means he accepts that there are rules, and we make 'em. It sounds like the OP's son accepts that, too, even if he's currently testing/breaking one - after all, he has previously asked permission - he knows he's not an adult.

When I was 16 I had an older bf.
I was allowed to stay over at his house. He didn't live at home anymore.

I was never told no!

I had a baby a week before my 17th birthday.

I'm nearly 40 now and I still wish that my parents had set some boundaries and rules

I completely agree that your son was with the girlfriend. I don't mean to be rude, but can you not see you have been lied to? I am 23 and can remember very clearly the web of lies I span to get what I wanted at that age. If something doesn't really add up, it is most likely a lie. I know in your eyes your son is still a child, and in so many ways he still is, but he's also a hormone ridden young man who will most likely do anything for a night with his gf.

I completely agree with pp that you need to talk to him about safe sex whether you agree with him having sex or not. He's going to find an opportunity no matter what you do. Teenagers can have sex in the daytime too, not just at night so you can't stop it unless you watch him 100% of the time. The only thing not talking about it will do is result in an unplanned pregnancy or your son catching an sti.

*their not there.

I appreciate the15/16 debate however unless the police become involved it is unlikely to be an issue. I am assuming they both concerted.

The only bit I haven't spoken about yet is the gf's family. Yes that whole set up sounds as weird as get out!

What mother feels it is appropriate for her daughters bf to stay over without her being there?!?!

I sincerely hope the son is lying to spend time with his gf otherwise there is a potentially a far more complex issue to why a mother would let a 16year old boy stay over when he could easily take a taxi home.

Told my husband this story and he commented with a helpful 'he may fancy someone else who was at the party...'

So you let your son stay at a stranger's house who could possibly have an Injunction out against her (50/50) and then you want to bleat on about how he is still a child?

Next...

Condoms don't always work. And teenagers don't always use them even if they have access to them.

Have only read the first and last pages so sorry if I'm repeating anyone here but I'm 99% sure your DS is spending the night with his girlfriend. If I were you I would be over there to collect him now, not because he is alone with his girlfriend but because he has lied.

The age gap is not statutory rape and your DS would not face prosecution for this relationship. Not sure why people are shouting `illegal' . The age of consent being 16 is only relevant in relationships with large age gaps where one party is obviously taking advantage. Thousands of relationships consist of people who are just under/ over 16, it is the norm.

Condoms don't always work. And teenagers don't always use them even if they have access to them.

Well yes, quite.

But I hope the OP has made sure he still has access to them and drummed the importance of using them into him.

Even if she is 15.

Speaking as a child protection there will be no issue with that age gap if it is consensual and there is no imbalance of power.

On the other issues I would say that he is 16. It is him you need to speak to. Not his girlfriends mum. She is not responsible for him.

Her mum doesn't care and he's spending the night with the gf. I think that because that's what I would've done at their age. Better that they're doing it at her house rather than in the woods or in a car. What's your next move - drum into him the importance of using condoms I'd say.

I mean really - who wants to spend time with somone else's rellies unless they're offering alcohol or ciggies.

The age gap is not statutory rape and your DS would not face prosecution for this relationship. Not sure why people are shouting `illegal' hmm . The age of consent being 16 is only relevant in relationships with large age gaps where one party is obviously taking advantage.
'Statutory rape' does not exist in the UK. It is a crime to have (even 'consensual' sex with someone under 16, so yes, it would be illegal.

Whether a prosecution would result is obviously a different matter that would depend on lots of variables.

The penalties would also be affected by the age gap.

However, yes, it is a crime. This is a good explanation of it for young people: www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/age_of_consent

littlewhitebag that only stands where the issue is of sexual exploitation, if charges are pressed against the DS then he would be arrested for under age sex. At 16 he could be on the sex offenders register.

Of course a lot of 16 year olds don't get charged for this because most of them don't get reported to the police. But yes, it is a crime, if someone is willing to make a complaint.

I don't think that stopping 'sleepovers' will stop them having sex. But I think it's the right thing to do anyway.

I also fully accept that DD and DSS will probably have sex before they are adults. That's actually kind of OK with me - I had sex at 16 and luckily it was with someone I loved and I wouldn't change a thing about my 'first time'. I don't think it made me an adult, though, and I didn't at the time, either!

I also fully accept that DD and DSS will probably have sex before they are adults.
Erm, not with each other, obviously. Worded that poorly! :)

Do you think the OP ran off and hot footed it up there when she read everyone saying it was a pile of fibs?? She's not been back!

But only if the girl makes a complaint against him and that doesn't seem likely here. We don't even know if they re even having sex.

I didn't say that it wasn't a crime but the police have better things to do with their time than pursue a 16 year old boy in a consensual sexual relationship with a 15 year old girl when no complaint has been made.

The girl or her parents can make the complaint. And just because the girl has 'consented', does not mean that she will not later realise that she was a victim. The entire point behind "age of consent" laws is that, under that age (16 in this case), 'consent' can't actually be given.