To think this woman should answer her phone if she is responsible for my son ?

[Shinyshoes1]

Or am I BU ?

My son has been dating this young girl for about 2 months it's all very intense

My son is 16 and his gf is 15 ... He frequently request to stay at her house .... I've refused for a few reasons

1. children are far more sexually aware than when i was younger ..
2. they've been hanging out for very little time although they spend every waking hour together
3. I don't know the home set up ... She has an injunction against her mum or vice versa ... There's an injunction somewhere .. She lives with her aunt
4. I don't want them rushing into anything

They all meet up in secret ...

The young girl has gone away for 10 days with her aunt leaving my son a bit crestfallen , however the mum has taken has taken him under her wing .... I've never met any of them as

1. they are 15/16 it's very early days
2. he's 16 and it's only very recently I've given him Quite a bit of freedom

He stayed over the mothers last night , as I said the daughter is on holiday , there was a " family party " he's got on with all of the family members he's met so far ...

He asked to meet the rest of the family members and he asked if he could stayed the night .....

I have just phoned to speak to her for the very first time as this is the most significant time he's spent at her hoide and I get a text

"she's cooking dinner she daid ring later "

I am pissed off as this is will be the first time I've spoken to her
My DP thinks its very strange that he's staying at the gf mothers house as she's away
Dinner can effin wait .... She's cooking for my son and Her i rvin that an effort should be made ...

I know it's not all about me and she shouldn't be at my beck and call but
I put all of my callers on speaker phone so I can prepare dinner and speak to them at the same time , I I did this with my sister earlier today
Why is my son texting the message , why don't she put the potato peeler down and send a text or like I say just press the speaker button
I just find it rude
Very rude

Really? You all expect your 16yos to hold down jobs when they should still be at school?

Yet again, the UK seems to be 2 years ahead of the rest of the world in pushing their children to grow up earlier. Where I grew up, we had compulsory school to 18, no weird system like leaving school and going to "college" at 16, just straight up high school to age 18. So we went to school, we did homework, we hung out with our friends. Maybe a few people did a few hours of a Saturday job in their final year at school (17-18yo), but it wasn't until we went to Uni that most of us got jobs.

To me, 16 is a child, as much as they like to think they're adults.

annielobeseder at last someone who thinks like I do. On MN there seems to an obsession around 16 yo getting jobs. I just don't get it. I would rather my DC concentrated on school, went to uni and got very good jobs on graduation.

I expect a 16-year-old to have (or at least seek) a part-time job and attend school.

Why cant they do both?i was studying and working 8 hours at weekends. If they're old to enough to have sex and leave home they're old enough to get a job

Also, I used to meet my bf at my stables. He wasn't there to help me muck out

See, I disagree that they're old enough to have sex and leave home too, and that the vast majority of the trouble the UK has with their youth stems from them being told and being expected to behave like adults when they're still children, and just not ready to deal with the expectations real adults put on them.

I was absolutely a child at 16, as were all my friends. I'm very grateful that I lived in a culture that recognised that I was one and didn't push me to grow up too early.

Why? My DD will be 16 in December. She attends school from 8.30 to 4.15. She then does after school activities or homework club from 4.30 - 5.30. She comes home has dinner then does the rest of her homework. She is in bed for 9.30/10 pm. At the weekend she plays hockey/lacrosse/Golf. Or she has D of E things. Or extra art classes.
Sometime she meets friends for an hour or two. The rest of the time is relaxing or more homework or tidying her room/ doing chores/walking the dog.

I am buggered if I can see where she might fit in a job

There is plenty of time in my DSC's schedules for part-time work (which DSD does, DSS is not 16 yet). They both do (very) well at their studies and plan on university; they have chores at home; they have social lives but yes, few structured activities.

I personally think that work is such a valuable experience for teens - and often a great social experience as well - that I'd consider it a high priority. If there truly wasn't time for even the most 'part-time' of jobs, then I'd have to wonder if the kids weren't a bit over-loaded in the first place.

Obviously if your kids are engaged in equally valuable other experiences and there is no need or value for the benefits that come through work, then that works for your family. It doesn't sound like the OP feels she and her son are in that position, though, so I'd just encourage her to change things enough, financially, that he feels more incentive to work. Until DSD saw a need, she was reluctant to get a job. Once she did, she was very pleased with herself and I think is really enjoying making a bit of money, meeting new people, and feeling more independent and confident. She's thrilled now when she gets more shifts!

Funnily enough my DD and I were talking earlier about jobs and she certainly plans to look for one next summer. I just don't think she should get a term time at the moment. I am all for kids working if that's what they want or need to do.

Think your son is lying. Far more likely the mum has gone away with the aunt.

I have two questions for all the smart arses who are ridiculing shinyshoes1.

Do you have a teenager? And if so, did overactive drug consuption during these years cause you to suffer memory loss?

Seems to me her boy probably is hanging out at this fools house while his GF is away. She obviously runs a "cool" house where there are no appropriate boundries for young people. He's probably having a great time with no nagging and hes probably not the only young person there.

This kind of " mother " is poison and wants to reduce all in her company to her level so she doesn't feel so much of a loser.

Shinyshoes1, im sure you're doing your best as a mother, the fact that you are worried about your ds demonstrates that you are plugged in and astute enough to realise they obviously dont run a functional home with a healthy environment.

I hope you are able to resolve this situation soon a get some respit from the stress xxxx

Or the gf hasnt gone away! I do remember being that age. I was often at 'a friends' for night or too. Ofcourse i wasnt i was at bfs. Not bf parents fault, they didnt know.

" overactive drug consuption "

When my sister and I were at school, my father came home one day and announced he'd had a chat with the manager of a local supermarket and found us a Saturday job! We had no choice in the matter. That said, it was great, working with lots of other young people and a new social life. Instilled us with the work ethic and we soon added Thursday evenings and holidays too and started earning a decent amount.

I often joke that im only surving the teenage years due to wine consumption, when drinking said wine with friends we often dream of the possibilty of gaining access to medication to numb the pain, xanax, prozac even crack cocaine would be fun some days rather than dealing with the ramblings of a hormone fuelled teenager.

Its an in joke..that obviously doesn't read well outside....I'm sure no responsible parent on mumsnet would resort to these measures....we only dream!

Op. everyone on mumsnet is an EXPERT in teenagers it seems.

They all have toddlers. ;)

And I agree with DAM58

Doesn't the amount of free time depend on what a 16 year old is studying? My friend's son is doing 4 A levels at a school where he won a scholarship. He gets so much homework he wouldn't have time for a Saturday job.

Bunbaker, that's definitely true, and then there are kids who have massive home responsibilities (ones who care for other siblings or even for parents!) and ones who (like littlewhitebag's) are involved in other activities. And in those cases, maybe a job isn't appropriate (although it is true that some kids have to work, but that's obviously another thing altogether.) I'd still expect them to be able to work in the school holidays, though!

(My DSD did 5 AS-levels and 4 A-levels at grammar school, and she did have lots of free time, but yeah, she has friends who did subjects that gave a lot more work or required a lot more exam preparation. Some of them worked as well, and some didn't. About half her friends have part-time jobs now in the summer, I would estimate.)

Shinyshoes1, im sure you're doing your best as a mother, the fact that you are worried about your ds demonstrates that you are plugged in and astute enough to realise they obviously dont run a functional home with a healthy environment.

and yes to that!