To think this woman should answer her phone if she is responsible for my son ?

[Shinyshoes1]

Or am I BU ?

My son has been dating this young girl for about 2 months it's all very intense

My son is 16 and his gf is 15 ... He frequently request to stay at her house .... I've refused for a few reasons

1. children are far more sexually aware than when i was younger ..
2. they've been hanging out for very little time although they spend every waking hour together
3. I don't know the home set up ... She has an injunction against her mum or vice versa ... There's an injunction somewhere .. She lives with her aunt
4. I don't want them rushing into anything

They all meet up in secret ...

The young girl has gone away for 10 days with her aunt leaving my son a bit crestfallen , however the mum has taken has taken him under her wing .... I've never met any of them as

1. they are 15/16 it's very early days
2. he's 16 and it's only very recently I've given him Quite a bit of freedom

He stayed over the mothers last night , as I said the daughter is on holiday , there was a " family party " he's got on with all of the family members he's met so far ...

He asked to meet the rest of the family members and he asked if he could stayed the night .....

I have just phoned to speak to her for the very first time as this is the most significant time he's spent at her hoide and I get a text

"she's cooking dinner she daid ring later "

I am pissed off as this is will be the first time I've spoken to her
My DP thinks its very strange that he's staying at the gf mothers house as she's away
Dinner can effin wait .... She's cooking for my son and Her i rvin that an effort should be made ...

I know it's not all about me and she shouldn't be at my beck and call but
I put all of my callers on speaker phone so I can prepare dinner and speak to them at the same time , I I did this with my sister earlier today
Why is my son texting the message , why don't she put the potato peeler down and send a text or like I say just press the speaker button
I just find it rude
Very rude

In other words, there is no such thing as "a consensual sexual relationship" with a 15-year-old girl.

We may not all agree with the law or the principal, but that's another matter.

When it is consensual between a couple of similar aged teens, it is not usual for police to be interested.

Look I deal with this day in day out. Someone makes a complaint ( just say parents of 15 year old girl maybe having seen on fb that she is having sex with 16 yo boyfriend) I visit the 15 yo with my police colleague. Girl says she agreed to have sex with the 16 yo boy and does not want to talk to us or pursue it. We walk away.

It is a crime, plain and simple. Many crimes are not prosecuted. But the point remains. It's shocking that there are people saying, effectively, "well, it may be illegal, but he won't get done for it"...so, that's ok then.

Personally, I would take more seriously - and the OP might too - the thought of my son being - even "technically" - a sex criminal.

I think the issue was raised on this thread to make the point that even if the OP were happy enough to treat her son as an adult or for him to be sleeping over with his girlfriend, the other child's parents may well not feel the same, and she may feel some obligation to them, if indeed her son is lying about the set-up this weekend.

Greythorne, do you understand that a child cannot legally consent to sex?

I'm also a child protection social worker. We deal with sexual exploitation and abuse. Police deal with crimes. I think we've all agreed that someone would need to make a complaint but when people have been saying the DS would not face prosecution it's important to point out that, in fact, he could. It may not be likely but that doesn't change the law. It's just another issue for the OP to keep in mind when talking to her son.

Brdgrl, please forgive me but - relax...

No one even knows if this couple are having sex. The main issue seems to be that the OPs son may not have been very truthful about where he is and what he is up to. She needs to deal with him regarding that.

Brdgirl - what would MN do without you explaining to us about legal consent?

I have known the police to visit the older male (or sometimes female) to talk to them about the legalities of the situation just to be clear about what could happen. I am not condoning it hip just saying what my general experience has been. If a 15 yo was to say she had been forced to have sex with a 16 yo then that would be a different scenario altogether.

*hip = I am!

I'm also a child protection social worker. We deal with sexual exploitation and abuse. Police deal with crimes. I think we've all agreed that someone would need to make a complaint but when people have been saying the DS would not face prosecution it's important to point out that, in fact, he could. It may not be likely but that doesn't change the law. It's just another issue for the OP to keep in mind when talking to her son
Coffee, that's it exactly.

I imagine he's home by now. Have you got to the bottom of this?

Well, Greythorne, I assume someone else would speak up to point out your mistake, which is a meaningful one. The issue of children and sex abuse is actually one that many people on MN care greatly about. I'm sorry that you're offended by my pointing out a rather essential point, which is that children cannot consent to sex.

Well, I don't know how old you are but we were at it like rabbits aged 16. And my grandparents got a bollicking after being caught in flagrante aged 15 and 17. In about 1939.

However, YANBU for being freaked out and YANBU for finding the set up a bit rum.

I didn't have sex until I left home as my parents were quite terrifying (less so now).

I left home partly for university but also to assert myself as an adult.

I came home for the summer. My mum looked though my stuff and found a pill packet and condoms (I was 18 by then and had been away almost a year). She called me a whore and a slut and told me no man would ever want 'dirty goods'.

May I add this was only 15 years ago, not the 50s.

My dad then asked who the man was who had done this to me and where could he find him.

A wretched experience I would never ever want to repeat with a child I may have.

We all have a reason we want to become a parent and that is mine. To be a more understanding parent than what mine were to me.

The lines of communication are so very important. But mainly not showing judgement and hopefully eliciting a change in point of view through presenting all the facts not being authoritarian or showing things as being black and white. And not being mad helps - my mother really was not mentally very well. She tries to be better but sometimes she just can't manage it.

xx

Also curiously would the age/consent issue be discussed to such an extent if the girl was 16 and the boy was 15?

Hey hey hey !!!! Steady in !! Sex .. Really ?!?!

That EXCATLY why I've avoided a situation where he stays round hers ...

Rewind and you'll see amongst many reasons , one of them , is I'm trying to seperate them

update

He ( my son) and her ( the mum ) still don't feel anything is wrong

She still hasn't phoned

Right MN serious question

How would you handle it .... Really ?

How do you know the mother is with him?

How do you know the Gf is in Turkey?

And trying to separate them.....well, good luck!

1. I would drive over there and collect him. I would not let a 16 yo stay over with adults he / I don't know

1. I would have a chat with him about rules, condones, safe sex

1. I would try to understand why he wants to stay with his GF's mother

1. I would try to understand more about this vague legal situation

1. I would try to make it clear that whilst he continues to be funded, housed and driven about by you, he has to respect you.

Sex definitely!
He doesn't need to be staying overnight for them to have sex - any vaguely private place/time will do for teenagers, if my memory serves

I thought your DP had told him to come back?
What is happening?

Hmm...maybe the mum is one of those stupid women who wants to be pals with all the young ones. Your ds might see her as cool and a good laugh, and be feeding off all the drama in their lives.

I can understand why you are concerned about it all, but honestly I think it's a not unheard of scenario. I think you should treat him like an adult and respectfully ask him some questions about what the set up is, and why he is hanging out there.
If you go in all worried or angry or upset, he will immediately become defensive and you will get nothing out of him.

Softly softly catchy monkey.

I would do exactly the same as Greythorne.