To think this woman should answer her phone if she is responsible for my son ?

[Shinyshoes1]

Or am I BU ?

My son has been dating this young girl for about 2 months it's all very intense

My son is 16 and his gf is 15 ... He frequently request to stay at her house .... I've refused for a few reasons

1. children are far more sexually aware than when i was younger ..
2. they've been hanging out for very little time although they spend every waking hour together
3. I don't know the home set up ... She has an injunction against her mum or vice versa ... There's an injunction somewhere .. She lives with her aunt
4. I don't want them rushing into anything

They all meet up in secret ...

The young girl has gone away for 10 days with her aunt leaving my son a bit crestfallen , however the mum has taken has taken him under her wing .... I've never met any of them as

1. they are 15/16 it's very early days
2. he's 16 and it's only very recently I've given him Quite a bit of freedom

He stayed over the mothers last night , as I said the daughter is on holiday , there was a " family party " he's got on with all of the family members he's met so far ...

He asked to meet the rest of the family members and he asked if he could stayed the night .....

I have just phoned to speak to her for the very first time as this is the most significant time he's spent at her hoide and I get a text

"she's cooking dinner she daid ring later "

I am pissed off as this is will be the first time I've spoken to her
My DP thinks its very strange that he's staying at the gf mothers house as she's away
Dinner can effin wait .... She's cooking for my son and Her i rvin that an effort should be made ...

I know it's not all about me and she shouldn't be at my beck and call but
I put all of my callers on speaker phone so I can prepare dinner and speak to them at the same time , I I did this with my sister earlier today
Why is my son texting the message , why don't she put the potato peeler down and send a text or like I say just press the speaker button
I just find it rude
Very rude

Right, well, in your shoes the son would be grounded until he told you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about what the hell is going on. And apologised for whatever lies he's told - but at the very least for sending you that curt text without any more info.

Try putting this in teenagers. It was amazing help for me when things were difficult

YANBU I too would be very anxious-the only difference is that my 16 yr old would not have been allowed to go at all!

(if I were in your shoes, that sound say)

Shiny - what happens next is you have a good talk with YOUR son about under age sex & find out the TRUTH about where he's been & what he's been doing.

Of course you want to give him responsibility and freedom but, if a situation is ringing alarm bells for you, then it is not good for either of you.

I would have a chat to him when he gets in, tell him that you were worried and ask him to explain the situation to you (bearing in mind that you can still always go round and speak to the mother if needed and can threaten him with that too)

Weird story, no idea what advice to give, but I'm amazed at the number of posters saying sixteen is 'not a child'. Sure, it is in the borderland between child and adult, but it is much too young for any parent to be thinking 'Meh, he's old enough to take responsibility for himself without any input from me.' I wonder how many of the people saying that have sons or daughters of that age. Sixteen seems old if you are the parents of tiny children, I suppose.

You're right sweetest, you can leave home at 16 without permission. Even in England.

All very weird.

My DS is nearly 15, there is no way that in just over a year I'd be letting him stay overnight 40 mins away at his girlfriend's mums house. While the gf was away.

There's something a bit uncomfortable about it all, especially with the injunction stuff. Which of course may be some sort of child protection order put in place by SS, you only have it 3rd hand. I'd be finding more out about exactly what the situation is before he went anywhere near her again.

My bet's on the "mother" not being there and the girlfeid going non holidays is a cover to your son and the gf spending the weekend together alone.

Your anger is misplaced I reckon, I'd say the mother actually knows nothing of what's going on.

butthereagain cant speak for anyone else but as I said my eldest is 20, been there got the teenager T shirt, so no 16 doesnt seem old to me at all!

And I dont think anyone is actually saying Meh, he's old enough to take responsibility for himself without any input from me.....

How is he getting back 40 miles on a Sunday night?

Never mind how he's getting home, how did he get there?

I think the aunt has gone away without the gf so your son has stayed with the gf. The mum isn't there.

As weird as all this is...

To those of you saying he's 16 so he can marry/join the army blah blah blah...

I actually wish more parents were worried about what their 16yr old kids were up to.

If they were, then perhaps there wouldn't be so many of them hanging out on the streets all night here in London....getting up to all sorts of things while their parents have the attitude that they don't need to know because they're not kids any more.

Having said that, if the OP was worried about her son then she should have spoken to this woman before agreeing he can sleep at her house for the night.

He was not actually staying with the mum! He had been lying to you!

'Never mind how he's getting home, how did he get there?'

If you'd given him a lift OP, many of your questions would have been answered. Sometimes giving a child a lift isn't all altruism.

Only very slightly related but...

I went to university with a few people who were 16 in first year and I was 17 when I left home so...

I do feel a 16 year old should be starting to take responsibility for him/herself.

Although I do realise in real life 16 year olds may not be very good at this...

'I do feel a 16 year old should be starting to take responsibility for him/herself.'

He is, but having been that 16 year old, my ideas of being responsible involved contraception and not dropping acid. My parents' ideas involved me staying a virgin, alcohol-free and being at home by 10pm.
See the problem? The OP's son hasn't asked her for help, she's worried about what he's getting up to.

I have a 16 year old son
Thankfully we have a brilliant relationship, 12-15 years were the hardest
I would be fetching him back immediately , last night actually
Order a pizza and TALK, well get him to TALK and you LISTEN
You need to be there for him and communicate because this set up is no good at all!!

To those who say he cannot leave home without his parents permission;

YES HE BLOODY WELL CAN.

I did. My parents sought legal advice. There was nothing that could be done.

^^
This

As others have said he's with his girlfriend. They have fed you a story about her going to Turkey and him going to see the Mum so that they can spend the night together.

I agree with you that this isn't something you should be encouraging. But apart from that can I remind all the people on this thread who are saying 'He is 16, blah, blah, blah' that this girl is FIFTEEN and it is illegal for them to have sex. Thank God you're being sensible and looking out for them both because it doesn't sound like her family are.

And I think people are forgetting that the outcome of sexual intercourse, (particularly for hyper fertile teenagers) is often a baby. He might be old enough to fight in the army but chances are at the age of 16 and after a 2 month relationship it might not be the best start for a kid.