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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to have bad vibes and avoid unsupervised, 5 year old neighbour

443 replies

jessieagain · 03/08/2013 08:56

I am wondering if I'm being unreasonable about this and what you would do. We have recently moved into a new flat. Next to our flat is a playground.

I take my 2 year old there a couple of times a week.

I doesnt get used much as there is a big and much better playground in a park close by. Occasionally there are 1-2 children there with their parents, sometimes a couple of 4-10 years olds together or an older child 9+ by themself. My son is quite interested in playing with other people and usually runs up to them so we end up having a chat.

Twice however there has been a young girl about 5 who has been by herself, she has a bike with her that makes my son pretty excited about so he runs over to her.

The first time she was quite bossy to him about not touching her bike and was shouting no at him, so I distracted him and got him away to play on the swings. She followed us over and kept trying to talk to him and me, I tried to discourage her hanging around us by not really answering her questions andby talking to ds but she kept in trying to talk to us. I decided to leave the playground and take ds to the park so we could get away from her and she suddenly started whining and begging to come too. I said she couldn't as she needed her own parent to take her and she started shouting an crying saying that she wanted to come and it wasn't fair etc. I said goodbye, picked up ds and walked away quickly.

Yesterday we met her again at the playground and it started similarly with her saying ds couldn't touch her bike so I told ds we needed to go back to our flat (fortunately he had had enough of a play so didnt mind). I picked him up and started walking away. She started running towards us with her bike, shouting for us to not go and then she fell over on top of her bike and started crying as well. I was about 6 metres away from her by then, so called out that she was ok and should go home to her parents and kept walking away.

I was very uncomfortable about this whole situation, I think she is far too young to be by herself and her behaviour is too erratic and hysterical so I don't want her near me or ds. I get a really bad vibe around her and don't want to be around her again, but I feel bad about this as she is only a little girl. Aibu about this?

OP posts:

Roshbegosh · 03/08/2013 08:59

Calm down dear

Spottypurse · 03/08/2013 09:00

She's just being 5. I wouldn't worry too much.

Spero · 03/08/2013 09:00

I think child protection should be all of our business. I don't think you should just walk away from an unsupervised 5 year old. I think you need to ask her where her parents are and take her to them and tell them you found her alone. If it continues, you report it to police or social services. Unless someone is watching her from a window, this is just not on.

No wonder she is 'hysterical' and running after you if she is just dumped on her own at this age.

Please do something. You are an adult. She has no way of looking out for herself at 5 years old.

LooplaLoopy · 03/08/2013 09:01

Yes, you probably are.

She's a small, needy child, out alone a lot unsupervised and asking to go off with random people. You ought to be concerned about her welfare, not talking nonsense about her 'bad vibes'. Call SS if you are worried.

hermioneweasley · 03/08/2013 09:01

Of course YABU. Are the girl's parents there?

Spottypurse · 03/08/2013 09:05

How do you know she's a neighbour? How do you know she is 5? I ask because my DD is 11 and looks 7 or 8. She wears aged 7-8 clothes And is very petite. I had a lady walk her across the car park to me by the hand at the local shop on the night before the last day of school when she went in to buy sweets for the next day. I did put the lady right as she started to castigate me for letting such a young child cross a car park alone.

DialsMavis · 03/08/2013 09:05

Hysterical and erratic.....you sound v strange indeed. The normal reaction when confronted with a vulnerable child is concern.

Spero · 03/08/2013 09:08

An 11 year old, no matter how petite, will present very differently to a five year old. I think it is pretty easy to spot a preschooler or reception age child because they are obviously very little children with little or no ability to get the,selves out of trouble or recognise danger - which is why they should NOT BE LEFT ALONE for more than a few minutes.

Please tell me you are going to do something. The whole horrible disgusting recent tragedy just underscores to me that we all need to be taking a lot more individual responsibility for any child we worry about, not just assume someone else will pick up problems.

Original poster

jessieagain · 03/08/2013 09:09

That is why I felt very uncomfortable around her. She shouldn't be out by herself and I felt that me being the only adult around made me responsible for her in a way, and I didn't want this responsibility as she was quite hysterical and dramatic in her behaviour.

OP posts:

JuliaScurr · 03/08/2013 09:09

agree this little girl is at risk
she is talking to random adults (you)
inform social services

ThreeMusketeers · 03/08/2013 09:10

Show me a parent who claims that their 5 year old wouldn't tell anyone and everyone to keep away from their bike and I Show you a liar.
Perhaps the girl is your neighbour and being observed from the window by parent?
YABU for walking away from 5y old who fell over with bike.

[ Disclaimer: being a helicopterparent, highly certified at that, I would never let my children play out alone at that age but there are plenty of parents who would, I'm sure]

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 03/08/2013 09:10

YANBU on the whole - perhaps about the "bad vibe" thing, but as for the rest, no.

How many times have people ignored a situation at a child's peril? The girl does seem very needy and at risk, being alone at a park.

I second what Spero says.

Spero · 03/08/2013 09:10

Well if you don't want the responsibility, please, please let someone else know who is prepared to do something.

Shamoy · 03/08/2013 09:11

Oh gosh, poor girl. I think my instinctive reaction would have been to talk to her a bit and ask where her parents are etc and definitely to made sure she was ok after falling off her bike and crying (rather than running off!)

Spottypurse · 03/08/2013 09:11

But she tried to talk to you. Why didn't you just ask her some questions? Where's your mum or dad? Are you off school for the holiday, that sort of thing.

Growlithe · 03/08/2013 09:11

Where are the girl's parents? Have you ever asked her who she is with? I may have taken the opportunity of her falling on the bike to take her back to her parents and say she's hurt herself, sort of making a point and checking out the situation without being confrontational, if that makes sense.

I can't work out if you are more uncomfortable about her being on her own, or the fact she's pestering you. Although I wouldn't encourage her to actively attach herself to you if she's on her own, I would keep an eye on her fron afar because in my opinion she's a bit little to be out unsupervised.

Spero · 03/08/2013 09:12

As I said, if someone is watching her, even from a window, it's not ideal but I wouldn't think that was a police or social services matter.

But it doesn't sound to me like anyone gives a shit. Her anxiety is really telling and worrying.

Please op, if it was your child in trouble and alone, you would want someone to help wouldn't you?

AnyFucker · 03/08/2013 09:12

Why are you frightened of a little girl ?

RedHelenB · 03/08/2013 09:13

Spotty purse - surely a 7 or 8 year old could cross a carpark in any case!

As to the 5 year old, maybe if you engage with her she might be less bossy & be a friend that ds would like? They do generally like older children.

Spottypurse · 03/08/2013 09:14

Spero - DD obviously didn't present that differently because the woman took her firmly, by the hand, marched her over to my car and when I got out her first words were "she is far too young". She didn't get any further because I said "what? At 11?" And DD was loudly protesting that she had tried to tell the lady she was fine crossing the small car park by herself. I did get rather cross I must admit.

lunar1 · 03/08/2013 09:15

Five is still a baby, I would take her home. She is so vulnerable if she is clinging onto you like that. Ds1 is almost 5 and I would be terrified if he was in the park alone. I think I would even ring the police if she didn't tell me where she lived.

My philosophy on life it to Measure the risk of a situation and ask myself how I would feel if the worst happened in that situation. In this case the risk to the girl is far higher than my embarrassment over taking her home or ringing the police.

Roshbegosh · 03/08/2013 09:17

Running away from her like she is some disease is a horrible thing to do. Be an adult ffs. Try to help her. Vibes ffs, please have some sense.

Spero · 03/08/2013 09:17

Spottypurse - I say thank god for people like her. I would rather your daughter was momentarily put out and embarrassed than another James Bulger is led off to his death.

The little toddler who slipped out of a nursery and was found drowned was seen alone by a van driver - who didn't dare stop because of what others might say if they saw a man approach a little girl.

Children's safety is ALL our business because as is sadly shown time and time again, not all parents are kind and caring.

Justforlaughs · 03/08/2013 09:17

Sounds very odd to me. Have you tried to speak to the girl? Ask where her parents are? They may have gone to work for all you know. Sounds like she wants some attention and company and although, no, she is not your responsibility as such, it should be common humanity to make sure she is ok, especially after she fell over her bike. Don't just walk away from her, check that she is ok - not just today, but everyday.

Eyesunderarock · 03/08/2013 09:19

Where we used to live, it was incredibly common to see children as young as 3 playing out, sometimes supervised by older siblings but often alone. We had two 6 year olds killed on the railway line on different occasions, playing out.
It is very difficult to know what is acceptable in a community, I was very uncomfortable about it, didn't let DD join in and still had 6 year olds knocking at gone 9pm to play out. I was known for being that weird, uptight Southerner who meant well but was an 'outcomer.'
So yes, I'd have checked she was OK and asked her who her parents were and where she lived, and gone and checked. But I would not take her anywhere, or feel obliged to play and entertain. Otherwise she'd have become my permanent responsibility, inviting herself for lunch and dinner, and the parent would be happy that if I was that bothered, I could have her.
Been there before.

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