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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have bad vibes and avoid unsupervised, 5 year old neighbour

443 replies

jessieagain · 03/08/2013 08:56

I am wondering if I'm being unreasonable about this and what you would do. We have recently moved into a new flat. Next to our flat is a playground.

I take my 2 year old there a couple of times a week.

I doesnt get used much as there is a big and much better playground in a park close by. Occasionally there are 1-2 children there with their parents, sometimes a couple of 4-10 years olds together or an older child 9+ by themself. My son is quite interested in playing with other people and usually runs up to them so we end up having a chat.

Twice however there has been a young girl about 5 who has been by herself, she has a bike with her that makes my son pretty excited about so he runs over to her.

The first time she was quite bossy to him about not touching her bike and was shouting no at him, so I distracted him and got him away to play on the swings. She followed us over and kept trying to talk to him and me, I tried to discourage her hanging around us by not really answering her questions andby talking to ds but she kept in trying to talk to us. I decided to leave the playground and take ds to the park so we could get away from her and she suddenly started whining and begging to come too. I said she couldn't as she needed her own parent to take her and she started shouting an crying saying that she wanted to come and it wasn't fair etc. I said goodbye, picked up ds and walked away quickly.

Yesterday we met her again at the playground and it started similarly with her saying ds couldn't touch her bike so I told ds we needed to go back to our flat (fortunately he had had enough of a play so didnt mind). I picked him up and started walking away. She started running towards us with her bike, shouting for us to not go and then she fell over on top of her bike and started crying as well. I was about 6 metres away from her by then, so called out that she was ok and should go home to her parents and kept walking away.

I was very uncomfortable about this whole situation, I think she is far too young to be by herself and her behaviour is too erratic and hysterical so I don't want her near me or ds. I get a really bad vibe around her and don't want to be around her again, but I feel bad about this as she is only a little girl. Aibu about this?

OP posts:
Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 09:40

No her flat is still a fair way from the playground. Obscured by some trees, bushes too.

I didn't go over to help as as I thought that she might say that my ds made her fall off the bike and I didn't want her blaming us for it as we had nothing to do with her falling over.

She was fine as well, maybe a scraped knee or something but she could manage the walk home.

OP posts:
CreatureRetorts · 03/08/2013 09:40

When your ds is five you'll see it differently. But thats too far away. She seems so much older than your 2 year old (what's with the "hysterical" label?) but she's a young child.

People have given you plenty of ideas - ask her where her parents are. If she falls over, don't run away like she has the plague. It's not going to kill you or harm your ds if you show a bit of compassion.

Longtallsally · 03/08/2013 09:41

I echo all of the comments above. However, I do understand where you are coming from - we had a similar little girl near to us who used to play out alone a lot, when visiting Grandparents in our street. She was older than my ds, a lonely little girl, but a strong character, and very determined - we befriended her and looked out for her a little, but she needed a lot of attention - ds got hurt quite badly as I was talking to her one day. It wasn't her fault, but my parenting skills weren't up to managed her and ds too.

However, it would be worth engaging a little with this lass. Plan ahead for the next time you meet her. Have a few lines prepared in your mind:

Hello - it's nice to see you again. That's a lovely bike you have there. Do you live near here?
No, you can't come with us, it isn't safe for you to go off with people you don't know. Who is looking after you today?
Etc etc

Best of luck

AnyFucker · 03/08/2013 09:41

You sound quite, quite strange

Moxiegirl · 03/08/2013 09:41

I would feel awkward, but I think yabu to walk off she she had fallen overSad
And most 4/5 year olds are a bit bossy and would object to a 2yo trying to touch their bike.
As for ss-if she is out in daytime in full view of her flat I don't think they'd be looking to investigate, their caseloads are full of children and the thresholds for involvement are very high!

K8Middleton · 03/08/2013 09:42

I feel a bit ill reading your latest update op. Imagine that little girl was your child - would you still be so casual in your disgust?

You sound heartless and horrible.

Moxiegirl · 03/08/2013 09:44

How did you know she was ok when you've already said you were already 6m away so couldn't go back to check Hmm

Spottypurse · 03/08/2013 09:44

You sound odd now.

Morloth · 03/08/2013 09:44

So you know where she lives.

You do need to make a call.

Parmarella · 03/08/2013 09:45

I hate the bit where she fell over her bike and cried, and you quickly walked off...

That is almost unnatural to me.

Surely you'd say " are you ok? Shall I take you to your home?"

CreatureRetorts · 03/08/2013 09:45

She was fine as well, maybe a scraped knee or something but she could manage the walk home

You will get flamed for ^ this

Vivacia · 03/08/2013 09:45

I think your behaviour is worrying. Your child is in no danger from this little girl. I struggle to believe your reaction to her falling and hurting herself.

Why would you start this discussion? What response were you hoping for?

SamHamwidge · 03/08/2013 09:45

If she pointed out where she lives, why don't you at the very least knock on their door and make sure they are there/checking on her?

Figgygal · 03/08/2013 09:45

Op u sound a bit weird yourself?? Walking past a 5yr old who's fallen over and then being paranoid she would suggest your child had had something to do with it? Why would she? Why would u even think that?

Then to make out she's giving out bad vibes??? She's 5!!!!!!

Shock
Morloth · 03/08/2013 09:47

Actually thinking about it, it is quite odd that you walked away from a hurt, crying child who was alone.

What would it really have cost you to help her out and take her home?

Really?

That is not a normal reaction for most people.

ThisReallyIsNotSPNopeNotAtAll · 03/08/2013 09:48

This is strange. She is a child not a disease.

Most children dont like their bikes been touched.

Nerfmother · 03/08/2013 09:49

Jesus op. a little girl fell off her bike, cut herself badly and I out her, her friend and her bike in my car and drove her home using directions from them. Also rang her mum first to say I was doing this - one of them remembered a number.
I can't stand such wilful isolation in other people.

Nerfmother · 03/08/2013 09:50

Put her not out her !

Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 09:53

I guess I am unreasonable and paranoid. But that is how I felt.

I would never let my ds out alone at that age, or even much older. Both my dp and I had quite 'free' childhoods and situations I would never want my own children exposed to, so I would always be highly vigilant in supervision.

However I feel uncomfortable about taking on responsibility for a strangers child.

Of course I told my ds not to touch her bike. I then tried to distract him and keep him away from her property.

I think I will avoid that playground from now on. Your responses don't seem right to me and I don't think I am capable of reporting it to we or taking her home to her parents. I would worry how they might react.

OP posts:
EugenesAxe · 03/08/2013 09:53

You don't sound very kind really. I am surprised you walked away from a crying child - I agree with Spero. I'm sorry but I have an impression of you being embarrassed by her behaviour and not wanting people to think she's with you, rather than being concerned for the welfare of your DS. As others have said, she is 5 and you are an adult; she can't hurt you but you could hurt her and others if you give your DS a message of 'ostracise anyone odd'.

I wouldn't try to engage with the parents about it (unless very innocuous such as 'She hurt herself so I helped her home'); if you are concerned call SS and tell them a 5yo is playing unsupervised outside and give them the address.

Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 09:54

Reporting it to ss

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 03/08/2013 09:55

I wouldn't have walked away for her after she fell off her bike to be honest.

She's not doing anything unusual for an unsupervised 5 year old.

I would have found out where she lived and walked her over.

I think that was harsh.

Spottypurse · 03/08/2013 09:56

You are reporting to SS?! On the basis of what you've put in your op?

I better ring them and report myself then. Will SS really take action over something like that? Really?

Isildur · 03/08/2013 09:57

I think the last post was just the OP correcting a typo, Spotty.

imnotmymum · 03/08/2013 09:58

Really a 5 year old girl fell over her bike and was crying and you call "you ok " and walk off? OP why dont you talk to her you may be her saviour (bit dramatic but cannot think of anything else ) Bad vibes are you worried she is actually a zombie killer? Seriuosly OP