To have made my self look six months pregnant for this work event?

[Turry]

Oh this is ridiculous. Please don't shout 'YOU'RE A TWAT!' at me I am too sorely aware! Here's what I've done:

1. got constipated. That's where it started. I'm breastfeeding a toddler, it's been very hot, I've not been drinking enough water. No loo trip for over a week, constantly feel I need to go but just cannot. No movement whatsoever.

1. panicked about important work event to attend tomorrow night, first time I'll see colleagues post maternity leave. Noticing that my stomach was slightly showing the strain of zero loo visits, by making my planned dress look slightly tight around the middle, I decided I needed lactulose. ASAP!

1. Bought lactulose yesterday, couldn't wait to get home to take it, and get things, erm, moving, so took a glug in the car, in retrospect, quite a BIG GLUG! When I got home a couple of hours later I took another spoonful, you know, just to be safe!

Long story short, my stomach has BALOONED - I mean, husband seeing me and doing dramatic double take BALOONED! Even my elasticated waste pyjama bottoms won't stretch that far BALOONED!

WTF do I do now?! Please, please somebody tell me WTF to do?!!! Only been to the loo once since lactulose overdosage. Keep thinking what I might need is yet more lactulose, but that cannot, cannot be right now can it? Maybe some senator or something? SOMETHING has to get rid of this bump - I can't even go to baby group like this, much less a bloody corporate dinner!

PLEASE HELP! :(

*waste = waiste

• senator (not sure how 'taking' a senator might help?!) = senacot!

You're a twat.

And you'll probably be in the loo and feel like crap, or farting for ages

hth

Angus has more sensible advice than me, that's what I'd do too to be honest. Do you have bran flakes or something? You've got the whole day to sort it out have you?

I feel bad now for my first post :(

Orange juice?

Angus would a hot bath help?

Jump up and down a lot in the hope that it will be like a fizzy bottle and make you go pop?

Not sure what to suggest! (Sorry, that's not much help!) I suffer terribly from constipation, and have been given lactulose as I'm breastfeeding too. It wasn't working well, despite double the dose and I asked the doctor if I could take something else instead, and he said the only other thing I could take was fybogel as I was breastfeeding. The risk was that anything else would pass through the breastmilk.

The problem with lactulose is that it takes a while to 'get things moving', and if you're badly constipated it will probably take a bit longer. It could be worth a trip to the doctors, as they might be able to give you something stronger (i have heard of people using movicol when breastfeeding, which does work better but again, isn't the first choice when breastfeeding and should only be used on advice of doctor). Although again, that can take a few days to start working.

Good luck!

Prunes and pears? Tinned Prunes in apple juice and fresh pears.

Thanks ladies - even Monty in the end! ;) Yes i have all today and so e of tomorrow to sort myself out.

Angus, drinking lots of water, and good idea on indigestion stuff - seem to remember having once come across something call windease. I'll see if I can get that. Wonder if it's bf friendly though - as you say Mouse not very much is.

GRRR, so pissed off with myself. I really don't want to go looking like this (apart from anything else my clothes are literally not going on in this state), but then I can't pull out either. Such an idiot!

Drink hot water woth lemon in it!!! Do it NOW, it works.

Ooh, woowoo THANK YOU! That sounds promising - will be purchasing lemons ASAP!

You need a glycerin suppository. Go to the chemist first thing. They work immediately.

Sorry Turry :( I was just trying to be lighthearted and hadn't realised the gravity of the situ, but then my memory came back, it's not nice.

I hope you get sorted

Movicol. You've probably got a faecal compaction.

If you don't wan to go down that route, a really long active walk and plenty of fluids should get it shifted.

I had movicol whilst breastfeeding and it did work. Also, loads of fluids, loads and loads. A bit of gentle walking up and down stairs?

Spans and coffee

Spanx I mean, obv!

Exercise

Definitely coffee, strong and black. And keep moving! Loads of water and if you do have to lie down, lie on your left side which stops everything scrunching up inside

Glycerine suppository.
Licorice.
Plenty of fluids.
Exercise.

Yoga www.joyoushealth.ca/2012/10/02/yoga-poses-for-constipation/

Turry, I definitely would second the long active walk. Exercise is very good for constipation. In fact be prepared you may get caught short when you are out on the walk!

Whatever you do, Turry, don't let the fact that you've effectively started a Turry Poo Watch thread give you performance anxiety, or you'll never poo

The Turry Poo Watch could be the perfect replacement for the Royal Baby Watch.

Glycerin suppository - or if immediate relief necessary a small sliver of handsoap.
It will irritate your bowel, bit of mucus helps lube it all along as well, but if you have a v large poo be aware you may need more than at home remedies to shift it. Unlikely but bear in mind rather than cause yourself any damage.

Also lactulose as mentioned is not a rapid action laxative but come later/tomorrow you may just poo. A lot. For ages.

Also you may find using a step to raise your feet a little (or phonebooks or whatever) will help you be in the best position for success which is also much nicer than gripping the sink while you squat over a bucket...trust me and believe in the step

Sorry x posted.

Will we get a time and weight update? I will nod in a suitably impressed style at anything over a pound!