To have made my self look six months pregnant for this work event?

[Turry]

Oh this is ridiculous. Please don't shout 'YOU'RE A TWAT!' at me I am too sorely aware! Here's what I've done:

1. got constipated. That's where it started. I'm breastfeeding a toddler, it's been very hot, I've not been drinking enough water. No loo trip for over a week, constantly feel I need to go but just cannot. No movement whatsoever.

1. panicked about important work event to attend tomorrow night, first time I'll see colleagues post maternity leave. Noticing that my stomach was slightly showing the strain of zero loo visits, by making my planned dress look slightly tight around the middle, I decided I needed lactulose. ASAP!

1. Bought lactulose yesterday, couldn't wait to get home to take it, and get things, erm, moving, so took a glug in the car, in retrospect, quite a BIG GLUG! When I got home a couple of hours later I took another spoonful, you know, just to be safe!

Long story short, my stomach has BALOONED - I mean, husband seeing me and doing dramatic double take BALOONED! Even my elasticated waste pyjama bottoms won't stretch that far BALOONED!

WTF do I do now?! Please, please somebody tell me WTF to do?!!! Only been to the loo once since lactulose overdosage. Keep thinking what I might need is yet more lactulose, but that cannot, cannot be right now can it? Maybe some senator or something? SOMETHING has to get rid of this bump - I can't even go to baby group like this, much less a bloody corporate dinner!

PLEASE HELP! :(

I hope the inevitable result doesn't cause the ops toilet to block up!!

Prune juice and really really strong coffee. Lactulose only 'softens' the poop it wont help with the impacted stuff that is blocking you.
Really awful suggestion but try massaging the erm.. bottom hole area, you may find the blockage is reasonably close to hand...... What comes out afterwards will probably be quite unpleasant though!

Can you go and do something really nerve-wracking. A parachute jump or something? That'll get things moving!

at MrsMoeows suggestion.

I just spotted the Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhh post over on chat and thought it might have been noises from Turrys bathroom.

• Mrsmeow

Your only option is not to go to the event or try to shift it. It's good you've been a bit so things are on the move but if its not normal for you to balloon so much then it might be best working on it from the other end too. I get impactions and obstructions and all you can do is keep working at it from both ends until it works. If you can add in some exercise too, a hot bath and lots of tummy massage (you can google to see how to massage the bowel). Good luck!

Prunes are good. Drinking decaf also makes me go.

I saw people have said if supps don't work then go to your doctors for an enema, you can buy microlax ones over the counter in a pharmacy, I would buy a few and try those. If it doesn't work then things might be more serious and you need to get checked out

Drink warm water, massage your stomach in a clockwise direction and walk as much as you can.

I'VE BEEEEEEEN!

I did ALL the above suggestions at once (only joking!)

No, in fact I did v strong coffee (even normal strength coffee gives my tummy the wobbles normally) and a big glass of hot lemon water. Plus non-stop water glugging all night and morning.

Felt tummy bubbling, parked (poor old) DD outside loo door with toys. And went! An incredibly normal, if bulky (boak) poo I have to say. Apologies for the anti-climax - though, let's be honest, sorry is the LAST thing I'm feeling right now. The relief is immense - did NOT like the idea of having to poke or massage my own bum hole, worse yet have a hcp do it for me!

So, somebody said to weigh before and after? Alas I didn't see that in time to do a before, but what measurements I can offer is that my waist belt that belongs to my dress for tomorrow night WOULD. NOT. GO. ROUND. MY CIRCUMFERENCE. this morning! Madness! It normally fits on the tightest hole. Now, post The Poo (and a LOT of farting - poor, POOR DD!) it's on the third tightest hole. So still not back to normal but, for the love of god, I'm HUMAN shaped once more - my standards are not once they once were!

So what do I do now? DH thinks back to the lactulose, but, you know, in normal dosages to keep things going til back to normal. But after the sheer panic of the poo pregnancy gate of the last 12-plus hours, I'm not sure that's wise?

Ahhhh, big sigh of relief. Shall keep drinking water. Lots and LOTS of water...

Oh, and also did:

-Twisty top half of body thing
-MANY firm, clockwise massages of stomach

• squatty yoga moves #lady
• brisk walk

Just for future ref, fellow blocked bummers!

And thanks VERY much for those - and other - tips ladies. Complete life savers. How about a new tag line for mumsnet:

MUMSNET
It makes you poo

So do I win the shitstake sweepstake? I said 1.30pm, such a shame you didn't weigh it yourself

Glad all is well in Pooland.

Well done

I get awful bloating, I find drinking LOTS of fluid keeps it at bay, mainly water and strong peppermint tea.

Yay! Well done Turry!

Yay, Turry! Congratulations!

Will we be kept waiting long for a name?

LOLOLOL.

So glad you pooped.

To prevent constipation in future? Take fybogel. Doesn't even need to be the prescribed dose, just 1 sachet a day on top of a normal diet meant no constipation at all during 2 pregnancies & post-partum "issues". Oh and, drink water!! Lactulose will work once you're a little constipated obviously but for prevention: fybogel every time :)

&#9733 &#9734 &#9733 &#9734 &#9733 &#9734 &#9733 &#9734 &#9733 &#9734 &#9733 &#9734
MUMSNET
It makes you poo

Genius

Congrats, TurryPoo! A right dump

Hooray!!

I see we have a crown smiley perhaps we should ask for a poo.......

Like this? 💩

Oh, forgot to say, Yellow, you're very kind!

Chunky, thanks for the fybrogel - I'll get on it!

Totally, ok...

George Alexander Louis

Great Arid Log?!!!

No, no, scrap that - Gargantuan shall be it's first name!

Congratulations Turry! Forget the royal baby's name, thus was the announcement we've been waiting for!