To have made my self look six months pregnant for this work event?

[Turry]

Oh this is ridiculous. Please don't shout 'YOU'RE A TWAT!' at me I am too sorely aware! Here's what I've done:

1. got constipated. That's where it started. I'm breastfeeding a toddler, it's been very hot, I've not been drinking enough water. No loo trip for over a week, constantly feel I need to go but just cannot. No movement whatsoever.

1. panicked about important work event to attend tomorrow night, first time I'll see colleagues post maternity leave. Noticing that my stomach was slightly showing the strain of zero loo visits, by making my planned dress look slightly tight around the middle, I decided I needed lactulose. ASAP!

1. Bought lactulose yesterday, couldn't wait to get home to take it, and get things, erm, moving, so took a glug in the car, in retrospect, quite a BIG GLUG! When I got home a couple of hours later I took another spoonful, you know, just to be safe!

Long story short, my stomach has BALOONED - I mean, husband seeing me and doing dramatic double take BALOONED! Even my elasticated waste pyjama bottoms won't stretch that far BALOONED!

WTF do I do now?! Please, please somebody tell me WTF to do?!!! Only been to the loo once since lactulose overdosage. Keep thinking what I might need is yet more lactulose, but that cannot, cannot be right now can it? Maybe some senator or something? SOMETHING has to get rid of this bump - I can't even go to baby group like this, much less a bloody corporate dinner!

PLEASE HELP! :(

Do not move far from the loo!

If you haven't Gone before the dinner I'd cry off sick

It won't be pretty

I hear there's a good chance it will be called Alexandra.

I second the squatting (try putting your feet on the edge of the loo seat for ultra squat), the movicol and the prunes. Also probiotic yoghurt, a warm relaxing bath and surgical gloves so you can help it out when the time comes.

PS I would avoid gumbo gel & senokot

Firmly rub your tummy in a clockwise direction. That should help to ummm break things down and get them moving.

Good luck, it's hard to understand how horrible it is if you've not been there.

Totally NO, NO to Turry Poo Watch!!!

Right then, back to my pregnatummy (the most pathetic thing is my ever broody hormones keep making me fleeting think 'ooh, maybe it's NOT poo, maybe it's a bayyyyby!' But believe me folks. It's poo!)

Right, was convinced on glycerine suppositories til looking them up and finding this: voices.yahoo.com/health-risks-side-effects-glycerin-suppositories-8136398.html?cat=5

Bloody terrifying! Has anybody who's used them manage to walk away without diarrhoea, burning, swelling (we all know I do not need swelling!)

Not as terrifying though as maternitart and the surgical gloves (PLEASE don't let it come to that!!!!)

PS, All is forgiven Monty!

Glycerin suppository and do pelvic floor exercices, but using your bowel / anus muscles - IYSWIM - get things moving.

Good luck.

Ok, just looked at that link about glycerin.

They do give me cramps, but it that's all.

I think if you haven't pooed for a week, you will get cramps anyway.

Glycerin suppositories are the answer. I used them (well, just 1) in similar circs and the relief was amazing.
It's a bit uncomfortable while you wait for it to work and I wouldn't go far from loo, but side effects like cramps stop as soon as you've been. Try to wait until you can't wait before heading to the loo! I'd say they're your best chance of success though.

The trouble is that lactulose works by drawing water into the bowel to soften faeces. It won't soften what has already passed through towards the rectum, which is where your problem is.

If you are desperate enough, you could go to your gp or a&e (and constipation can be a medical emergency, it can make you quite delirious) and ask for an enema, which will introduce liquid to the faeces which is causing the constipation.

Thing is side effects are scary in a list - *like the flying monkey rabies you can get from benadryl and stuff but you would be unlucky to get them all.
I do feel the need to break it to you though - what do you reckon is behind HMS Alexandra if not a bowel full of liquid shit? You necked lactulose! You will make your peace with diarrhoea soon (nah be fine pretty quickly, and the relief ).
But yes I've used them without any side effects noticed that wouldn't also be from hideous poo hoarding.

Poo watch, if you step over there I promise to run the book discreetly in the corner.

*this may not be an actual risk unless trying to medicate a flying monkey with rabies suffering from hayfever or an allergy to small red fezs.

God it sounds like you're in for a difficult day... best of luck

< adds Turry poo watch to things-to-do list >

Don't hesitate to use the glycerin. Side effects as rare as you would expect.

I read your link about the suppositories. I would say the side effects sound scary but it does say they are normally mild. And it appears to work. I think it's worth it.

Dried apricots? LOTS of dried apricots?!

I took suppositories after birth and the relief was immense because I just couldn't poo! (plus was terrified of stitches ripping). Didn't have any side effects. Boots own brand are good.

Good luck Turry! I'd go down the glycerin suppository route. Promise you'll update?

Glycerin Suppositories.

It won't be pleasant but it'll work, very quickly.

You have my sympathies. Since giving birth 5 weeks ago I've been constipated on and off. I've been using lactulose and have had awful trapped wind. Didn't know the 2 were linked.

Hope it's sorted soon.

Good luck!

Prune juice is amazing

I suffered from this when I had dd and was breast feeding. Lactulose did not seem to help. I went to the chemist and they gave me senokot and it sorted me out.

Dried apricots work for me - the not-quite-dry ones are best, I find. Also, obv, drink loads of coffee. Do update us on the Turry Explosion :)

I have often heared 'Poo goes to Pooland' recommended in these circumstances. Have you tried reading it earnestly to yourself? Don't forget to wave to Poo as he takes up residence in your loo and starts demanding ice cream disappears round the U-bend.