To have made my self look six months pregnant for this work event?

[Turry]

Oh this is ridiculous. Please don't shout 'YOU'RE A TWAT!' at me I am too sorely aware! Here's what I've done:

1. got constipated. That's where it started. I'm breastfeeding a toddler, it's been very hot, I've not been drinking enough water. No loo trip for over a week, constantly feel I need to go but just cannot. No movement whatsoever.

1. panicked about important work event to attend tomorrow night, first time I'll see colleagues post maternity leave. Noticing that my stomach was slightly showing the strain of zero loo visits, by making my planned dress look slightly tight around the middle, I decided I needed lactulose. ASAP!

1. Bought lactulose yesterday, couldn't wait to get home to take it, and get things, erm, moving, so took a glug in the car, in retrospect, quite a BIG GLUG! When I got home a couple of hours later I took another spoonful, you know, just to be safe!

Long story short, my stomach has BALOONED - I mean, husband seeing me and doing dramatic double take BALOONED! Even my elasticated waste pyjama bottoms won't stretch that far BALOONED!

WTF do I do now?! Please, please somebody tell me WTF to do?!!! Only been to the loo once since lactulose overdosage. Keep thinking what I might need is yet more lactulose, but that cannot, cannot be right now can it? Maybe some senator or something? SOMETHING has to get rid of this bump - I can't even go to baby group like this, much less a bloody corporate dinner!

PLEASE HELP! :(

Red wine and get yourt toddler to rub your tummy for you.

PS. I take Lactulose a lot, usually 3 tsp twice a day because I take 13 tablets a day and therefore get quite constipated.

Lactulose is good but has to be taken in conjunction with fluids and lots of fruit and veg..

Prune juice, yep prune juice, it works wonders and throw in some satsuma's, grapes and a load of other juicy fruits in for good measure
Then get your magazine and the job should be done!

Have an enema, instant relief

Please weigh yourself now.
And then after the inevitable poonami.

I think 6lb at 1.30pm today.

(Weetabix, banana, expresso, pint of water, run around the block and then retire to the toilet with the laptop)

Nightwear is an easy place to start. You're not the only offender on the high street, but as a 36 year old woman I grew out of "Night night sleepy bear!" pyjamas when I was 7. Nor do I want a floor-length quilted winceyette nightie that buttons up to the neck.You had some nice nightshirts a couple of uears ago, try stocking more of them.

I'm not sure where you've worked before, but the "workwear" bit on your website is scary. Here's what will make you a fortune:
Well-cut trouser and skirt suits
Tuxedo-style jackets
White shirts in cotton and linen
well-cut, plain shift dresses that go well with the tuxedo jackets
Shell tops that go well with the suits

Autograph has its moments, but that, rather than a leopard-print muumuu with slash sleeves and jeggings, is what many of us need to wear to work.

Sorry, wrong thread! Damn you, iPhone..

Don't take anything else by mouth.

Glycerin suppositories now. No fruit, no senna, no more laxatives.

I agree. No more food. Just plenty of water and exercise.

Arf at vlad, was reading all this excellent advice & then suddenly

Nightwear is an easy place to start.

I thought for a moment there was special constipation reliving pyjamas out there

My DS always has to poo when we go to the library, even when he was in nappies. Is this a real thing then?

Bisacodyl is one of the most effective oral medications for constipation, especially for those who find senna-based meds completely ineffective.

However, given that you're impacted now, all it will do is give you horrendous cramps and possibly a massive explosion to force the impacted faecal material out followed by pretty much liquid diarrhoea. Not at all pleasant.

Glycerin suppositories are definitely your best bet and will probably avoid the need for manual evacuation.

Good luck.

at the wrong thread post.

The glycerin suppositories are fine, they even gave them to my ds when he was scbu

How about a colonic? Would that work?

Glycerin suppositories + prune juice

My stomach has got really swollen in the past due to a sensitivity to sugar. It was particularly horrible because at the time I was going through fertility treatment and desperate for a baby and was constantly having people ask me when the baby was due!

But really, although it's embarrassing you can't miss work because of it, I just had to get on with it, otherwise I would have been off months or even years.

Sorry for delay on poo watch update! Just getting DD off for nap then will be back with news...

Ooh, update! I have been lurking, now marking place!

Bisacodyl at night followed by bisacodyl suppository in the morning? It will hurt (early labour style) but you will go!

Thats what I do when I'm so desperate I don't care about the liquid aftermath!

FGS don't do all of these suggestions at once!!

Cor hope you can fit into normal clothes soon.

Oh came back just in time for update.............

SoupDragon - that made me chuckle.

No advice at all, just being nosey.