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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My poor dd.

209 replies

Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 08:48

My DD left primary last thursday. She had a lovely day with all of her class mates.

Now she has found out that one of the mums organised a party at her house for the leavers but left my DD and a couple of others out.
DD was the only girl not invited.

She's devastated. She thought they were all her friends.
Aibu in that if you have a class party you should invite them all?

I could cry for DD.

OP posts:
Owllady · 22/07/2013 14:18

who cares what the mum thinks, you work in sainsbury's and live in a council house, it's hardly a big deal is it ffs?! Really just stay away from her if she is such a dried up snob
I cannot tand people like this

Never mind your poor dd, feel sorry for hers. At least your dd is being brought up to treat people with manners and respect and has feelings. i pity what her child will end up like if she thinks this kind of behaviour is acceptable

CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 14:19

Can you ask the mother outright why your dd wasn't invited? Call at her house and be polite and dignified about it. See if she's got the balls to give you an answer.

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:21

I don't know FANNY. But it had the school crest on it and kids names.

I'm furious about the teachers gift though, i chucked a fiver into the kitty for it. DD said she had signed the card, the mother had passed it around the school yard before class.

OP posts:
chocoluvva · 22/07/2013 14:22

Yes, definitely don't go in all guns blazing.

I'd find out as much as possible before talking to the school.

You can't 'attack' the other mum if the senior staff didn't know about it.

They sound like a thoroughly miserable bunch - not worth your effort.

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:23

Thanks OWL. I'm not ashamed about working in Sainbury's, i get good discount! Grin

Other mum is planning on doing that CELIA. I can't wait to find out her excuses.

OP posts:
squoosh · 22/07/2013 14:25

I'd definitely do as Stanley suggests, get in touch with the school and let them know that you contributed to the present and find out if it was an 'official' party and if so why was your dd excluded.

EarlyIntheMorning · 22/07/2013 14:26

I think yes, you are probably over-thinking this, so it would be good to get to the bottom of it. You need to find out what's happened. And for what it's worth, there's nothing wrong with working in Sainburys and wearing jeans, so don't find stuff to put yourself down. They've done a rotten thing, not you.

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:26

I was so happy and proud of my DD because of her school report and the fact that she was growing up. This seems to have tainted a time which should be an exciting and happy time for DD.
Am i being daft?

OP posts:
Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:28

Thanks EARLY. The mums are all like wags and then there's me. I need to make an effort for the sake of my DD.

I don't want her to go through this ever again. If it is because we're in a council house i will be devastated although i would doubt the mother would say this is the case.

OP posts:
CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 14:30

Have you spoken to anyone who went to the party?

chocoluvva · 22/07/2013 14:32

No, I'd be very upset too.

I'd also be annoyed at myself for being upset as it sounds as if this mum is nasty. She will not be a happy person. There's no good reason for leaving a tiny minority of children out - if it was her child who didn't want them there she shouldn't have allowed him/her to be so insensitive. Either she has problems of her own or she has some parenting issues!

Do you trust the other mum you mentioned to give you accurate info?

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:33

One of the mums, she said she couldn't believe kids had been left out.
She sent me a message on facebook, apparently the parents got pissed so i'm glad DD didn't go.

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/07/2013 14:34

How nasty ! I bet the pta subbed it too. Glad your dd feels more philosophical about it though.

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:35

Yes CHOC, i know the other angry mum very well. We've lived here since we were born, when the village just had a row of houses.
Now we have an estate with massive homes built on it. It's full of snobby sods.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:36

DD just said they can kiss her butt. Not the usual type of language i allow but in this instance i don't mind.

We'll get over it, i was just shocked and upset that people could be this cruel.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:37

I hope it wasn't LIZS.

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 22/07/2013 14:38

explain to DD that the other kids ARE her friends. The actions of one stupid woman do not reflect the feelings of the other girls. Explain that any one of the others having a party would have resulted in an invitation and arrange a sleepover at your house for her.

chocoluvva · 22/07/2013 14:38

Your children will see them for what they are: foolish and insecure.

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:41

DP is pretty peed off with it but he said it'll teach DD a valuable lesson.
Treat others how you wish to be treated.

That sounds like a good idea NEO. I might let them have a little camp in the back garden. Smile

OP posts:
lydiajones · 22/07/2013 14:43

That's terrible. I would complain to the school as the PTA and teacher were there. You contributed to the present so your daughter should have been there.

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:45

That's what i thought LYDIA. I thought it was odd that the gift wasn't handed out at the leavers assembly but thought no more of it.

I can't really comment on the PTA or a teacher being there but i won't be happy if it was paid for by PTA funds. Funds which my DD helped to raise with bake sales and sponsored silence (loved that one).

OP posts:
TwinkleSparkleBling · 22/07/2013 14:46

I am so sad for you and your DD reading this.

I wouldn't say anything to the other mum, someone who acts the way she did will either not care or justify her actions. Waste of time.

I would, however, contact the school given that the PTA and a teacher were involved. If it was a class party, excluding 4 pupils, they should not have attended AT ALL. It doesn't matter who was paying/private party etc.

They should be ashamed that at best they were naive and didn't question this or at worst they colluded with this.

I would keep a keen eye on what happens in Sept at secondary school, just check your DD isn't isolated or made fun of by those who did go.

starrystarryknut · 22/07/2013 14:47

I know you said you weren't going to contact the mum, but in my opinion you actually should. For this reason:
Once upon a time I was in exactly the same position as your DD. Forty years (!!) later I haven't forgotten it. The humiliation, the hurt, the confusion. Jocelyn Mackie if you are out there, I haven't forgiven you. But what I do know, looking back, is that if my mum had stood up with an act of support - like challenging the mother - I would have felt a LOT better about it, then and now, because I would have felt that I really had someone who would always come into bat for me. And that would be an empowering feeling to take forward. Otherwise, who knows what long term damage this could do to her confidence. It would give her a positive.
Just my thoughts anyway...

Buzzardbird · 22/07/2013 14:47

Anyone who could do that to a child must be dead of the soul.
I don't think I would be able to resist watching her squirm when I asked why you were asked to contribute and then dd not invited. You can remain cool headed as you know you are completely in the right.

Buzzardbird · 22/07/2013 14:48

And your dd sounds like a credit to you.