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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My poor dd.

209 replies

Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 08:48

My DD left primary last thursday. She had a lovely day with all of her class mates.

Now she has found out that one of the mums organised a party at her house for the leavers but left my DD and a couple of others out.
DD was the only girl not invited.

She's devastated. She thought they were all her friends.
Aibu in that if you have a class party you should invite them all?

I could cry for DD.

OP posts:
squoosh · 22/07/2013 14:05

Oh I've just seen that they'll be in the same secondary school. Still, I would avoid all contact.

FannyMcNally · 22/07/2013 14:05

Sorry, I'd have to know why those children were excluded. Ask the mother why your dd has offended her. How mean!

twistyfeet · 22/07/2013 14:05

what a horrible thing. It happens to dd a lot as she is the only child in her class in a wheelchair. I feel like punching the other mums sometimes and its them, not the kids.
It hurts.
Sorry for your dd Sad

chocoluvva · 22/07/2013 14:06

I'd want to know if this was PTA funded too. Do you have any other DC at the primary school?

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:06

That's the only reasons we can think of squoosh.

DD seems to of perked up, it'd me who's down about it now. I think i'll be banning DD and myself from having anything to do with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:07

I have two more CHOC so i'll be finding out in September. If it is i will kick up a huge stink.

OP posts:
EarlyIntheMorning · 22/07/2013 14:07

That's absolutely dreadful and the school should be informed.

GrimmaTheNome · 22/07/2013 14:08

Bloody hell. YANBU to be upset.

Hopefully your DD will stay friends with most of the children - its not their fault if a few adults are nasty, make sure she knows that - and make new ones at secondary too.

If this was organised by the PTA then something needs to be said so that this sort of incident - which sounds like some sort of discrimination esp in regard to the boy - never happens again.

wharrgarbl · 22/07/2013 14:08

That is shitful. I'm really surprised that the whole PTA and the teachers were prepared to go along with it.

FannyMcNally · 22/07/2013 14:09

I think I'd also let the teachers know that some were excluded. I'm sure they wouldn't have taken part if they knew.

mrscog · 22/07/2013 14:10

Do you think their teacher knew? If so I'd complain to the head.

chocoluvva · 22/07/2013 14:10

The school should already know. The PTA will have school staff on it.

I'm particularly Shock at the cake with the names on it.

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:11

The other angry parent and i are going to sort out a little day trip for the kids who were left out.

I'm now having a brew and a little cry. I hate people sometimes.

OP posts:
EarlyIntheMorning · 22/07/2013 14:12

Grind, do you have the slightest incline why your DD was excluded?

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:13

I doubt the teacher new. He's fab with the kids and my DD thinks he's sick (her words lol )

The PTA all have children who went to the party apart from two. I think the mother is on the PTA but i'm unsure. I know she helps out a lot with raising money.

OP posts:
SlangWhanger · 22/07/2013 14:13

That is terrible. Your poor DD. I would be fuming. I have never been precious about party invites for my kids and have always been open about the fact you don't get invited to everything but to leave out 6 kids in a class is nasty.

It's extremely nasty to leave out a child with SEN too. If you really don't want to invite all the kids then you should only invite a 1/3 or so of the class and, even then, you should keep it extremely private.

I would write to the school.

StanleyLambchop · 22/07/2013 14:13

Were the PTA there in an official capacity, eg representing the school, or did the Meanie Mum just happen to invite all the PTA in a private capacity? If they were there officially as the PTA then I would be asking questions as to why they attended a function such as that where not all the children were invited. I also think that as you contributed to the teacher's present you should email the school and just tell them that- a sort of 'hi, just wanted to let you know that although Mini Gears was not invited to the presentation, she hopes you liked the present which she also contributed to.' Something like that!

chocoluvva · 22/07/2013 14:15

Aww. Try not to let it get to you - easy to say I know - the people who organised it are not worth the bother.

I'm glad your DD has got over it. Try not to let her see how upset you are.

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:15

No EARLY. The girls knock for my DD all the time and they all place lovely together.
All i can think of is how we live? I have no clue. I know that the mother is a stuck up mare, she looks down at me because i work at Sainsbuys and i'm basically a mum in jeans.

I'm over thinking things i think?

OP posts:
CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 14:15

I'd send a letter to the Headteacher, write down all the facts and ask if PTA funds were used to pay for this party.
If nothing else, you'll show him/her what a bitch this mother is.

WilsonFrickett · 22/07/2013 14:16

That's actually terrible and I would definitely inform the school if teachers were present and there was anything to do with the PTA. That's just not on. You don't have to go in all guns blazing, just say what Stanley suggests above.

I hope you have a lovely day out with DD. What a mean, spiteful thing to do.

Solo · 22/07/2013 14:17

Shock at this! twistyfeet 'what a horrible thing. It happens to dd a lot as she is the only child in her class in a wheelchair. I feel like punching the other mums sometimes and its them, not the kids.' the trouble is that her kids will most likely be 'those' adults in the future as that's what they are learning surely? how mean and cruel :(

FannyMcNally · 22/07/2013 14:18

Did the cake have all the names on or just those invited? This and the presentation of the teacher's gift is really hacking me off. I don't think I could let it rest! Bloody cheek!

imademarion · 22/07/2013 14:18

I managed to send out invites from an old class list and inadvertently left out 3 from the year. Luckily, one of the mums rang me to ask if there was a problem. She was really sweet and polite about it and of course I was mortified. She and her son are still family friends a decade on.

I know it's happened, but odds are, unless there's some massive back history, it is probably a genuine mistake.

Why not call and arrange to get the kids together over the summer holidays if they are friends of your DC rather than leave a sour note?

Of course if it turns out it was deliberate, ok to behave perfectly differently!

Original poster
Grindmygears · 22/07/2013 14:18

I'm unsure if they were there officially Stanley but i sure would like to know.
Other angry parent is a nosy parker and she'll find out. She knows everything.

OP posts:
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