to say no to this request from a friend?

[TidyDancer]

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

Still love the brasso idea. Maybe teamed with a book about manners and one about narcissistic personality disorder. And a pritt stick. Make it a hamper. Lovely.

'Christ almighty.

You're like a Sylvanian on glue.

Do you really need this spelled out? Forget the STD card rudeness for a minute. So, you couldn't invite everyone to your wedding. That's fine. I'm one of the people you've dropped. So you've made it plain I'm less good a mate than all the ones you HAVE invited, yes? Are we following this so far?

Then you need someone to help you. Let's think for a minute, who should you ask? a. all those great close mates who will be at your wedding, or b. one of the mates you've just basically made it clear you don't value that much?

Why the FUCK do you think I would want to do you a favour when you've just made it plain that you don't rate me as a friend? Why would I be interested in helping you out? I don't care if your hall looks like a bag of spanners smeared in dogshit and sand. In fact, if I did come along to help, that's exactly the effect I'd be aiming for. So why don't you quit while you're ahead, see if any of your other friends can be persuaded to help out what's probably the rudest person they know?

'Turds, like Sylvanians, spread like glue the more the carrion rots'.

Bye :) :) :)

I like balloonslayer's response the best - she really needs it spelling out how rude she has been and that hammers it in.

Dear F,

Sorry, but no.

Regards, Tidy

I like - No, I can't. I am saving the date'

I'd like to suggest an alternative strategy. It is uber mean.

Say yes you'll do it
and then
Don't.

Much like being sent a save the date card and then ......

I'd go with the Peter Cook classic

• I'm sorry but I find that I am watching television that day.

Or, or, more to the point:

'Sorry. The thing is, you are extremely rude, so I would prefer it if your hall looked revolting.' :) :)

I like Jim's, that should make things crystal clear.

"Listen, everyone I've told this story to has been open-mouthed at how rude you are (to clarify: you sent me a "save the date" card, cut me without explanation, but I'm still good enough to help you decorate the venue for free? Are you on glue?).

If you don't want the ripples of rumour to go any further, just shut up now. Otherwise, you will look like a bitch on your wedding day, rather than the Radiant and Beloved Bride that you are fondly imagining."

End with IAmNotMyself's : "I hope that you'll look back on this conversation in years to come and realise what an utter twit you have been, but really, I wonder if you were ever the person I thought you were. I wish you well but please don't contact me again." as that's very dignified.

Blimey oh Riley!!! She is something else.

So I am with ballonslayer be really blunt and really clinical with it. Tell her what a horror she is being!

I think linking her to this thread would be cruel.... But sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind! 😜

You know, I'm starting to think that Gluezilla is reading this thread, has been from the start and is engaged in the most audacious game of poker-faced ante-upping I've ever seen.

Please please somehow get links to this thread fly posted around the venue. She really is just totally oblivious isn't she?

As a reply I would say along the lines of: Yes we did talk about it, the only reason I asked for clarification was I couldn't quite believe that you were asking me to decorate your wedding venue when I would not be attending

I have no problem with doing favours for friends without expecting anything in return , that is not my issue. But you do not really consider me a close friend or I would surely have got through your vetting process to be invited.

So you therefore no longer have any grounds to ask this huge favour of me. Please do not demean yourself any further by pleading as it will make no difference to my reply, I assure you.

Sorry that's not very good but I'm trying to watch 'Who do you think you are?'

Hang on just send that programme title,

See I would be getting to the point of saying ok I'd help. Then late the night before text to say sorry something more important has come up. Hope she has a good day. And leave it at that then block her number, email and Facebook.

We talked about this?
No, you're taking the piss!
Your motives I questioned
Before I rang to have you sectioned

Your gigantic ego
Makes you free with my time, so
In case I'm not clear
Stick your veil up your rear

Our (sadly long departed) Sylvanians did a LOT of shagging, and oral and a little bit of rubber band bondage but only when the DC had gone to bed.

What a cheeky cow, I am , with her brazenness. Yes definitely send her a couple of the best ones on here.

WTAF !
cheeky cow- we talked about this !you did in your head bridezilla

Send her a bag of massive, tatty second-hand bras with a note saying:

"With the front you've got, I thought these would help. Your A-List guests can hang them up like bunting. Or take them home as wedding favours.

"I do love a wedding where the decorations symbolise the personality of the bride."

You do not regard we as worthy of attending your wedding but only worthy of skivvying for you. I can only conclude that you have taken up sniffing glue to cope with the stress of the wedding. Be warned that glue sniffing can cause you to see Sylvanian toys in the most unexpected places.

Anything you send has to be written without emotion and need to bring in all three factors (the STD, lack of invite and decorating) - it's the combination of the three that makes it so incredible. I like the one upthread which had the 'one day you will look back and feel embarrassed by this' line in it (can't remember who it was). Above all, you have to keep the moral high ground.

Now is the perfect moment for the 3 word reply: "Maybe next time."

I'm voting for claudedebussy followed by boozybears replies.