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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
starsandunicorns · 24/07/2013 21:13

Please send her a link to the thread dp waa out mouthed at her response as was I cheeky fucker

TheVermiciousKnid · 24/07/2013 21:13

Can anyone work the sylvanians, veil up colon and glue comments into one reply? This might be our last chance!

Oh my dearest, densest Bridezilla,
I think it's time to lay off the glue, ya?
Your veil must be so high up your colon
that it's stuck faster than the stickiest bonbon!
Even Sylvanians are brighter than you,
if you don't get that you've created a pile of poo.
Your wish for my help is just sublime,
never mind eh, maybe next time.

Iamnotmyself · 24/07/2013 21:13

Actually I'd just put, 'No, I can't. I am saving the date'

minniemagoo · 24/07/2013 21:14

Unfreakinbelieveable... Tidy, thank you for the entertaining bridezilla baiting.

Love BaloonSlayers reply - makes the RUDEness obvious, she obviously needs it spelled out

QueenStromba · 24/07/2013 21:16

I second this suggestion:

"Do you not see how catastrophically rude it is to send me a save the date, decide I am not good enough for an invitation, and then request my help so that all your real friends have a lovely time at the party?"

sppp · 24/07/2013 21:16

Make sure you include Ballonslayer's suggestion of asking for further clarification if necessary. That way we can all snigger at further updates

poachedeggs · 24/07/2013 21:17

Due to your supreme fuckwittery
My unease at making your hall glittery
Eludes you, as do manners and and grace.
It's not right, kind or appropriate
To request guests 'save the date!'
Unless they are actually coming.
So to follow by asking my aid
To bling up your wedding arcade
Is crass, rude and unbecoming.
I won't be around to help you that day
Nor share a matey whiff of PVA.
Good luck getting wed
Our friendship is

WafflyVersatile · 24/07/2013 21:17

When I got the save the date
I was utterly delighted
When I didn't get an invite
I thought you'd been short-sighted
When I heard that it was true
I felt a little slighted
When you wanted me to skivvy
I felt our friendship truly blighted
When you still didn't get it
I thought fuck the fuck off.

SlangWhanger · 24/07/2013 21:17

I like boozybears response.

Alternatively you could say you will help and then just not turn up............or turn up and do it really badly or not at all.

...so many options

poachedeggs · 24/07/2013 21:18

Dead. Bloody predictive text!

Sondosia · 24/07/2013 21:18

I'd go with a combination of QueenStromba and Balloonslayer's suggestions. She's obviously pretty dense, so I think you need to make this crystal clear.

WafflyVersatile · 24/07/2013 21:20

Agree to decorate then do nothing but some massive bunting saying

FUCK OFF BRIDEZILLA

claudedebussy · 24/07/2013 21:22

i think you need to draw her out some more:

'thank you so much for clearing that up. i thought there must have been some misunderstanding...

could you tell me what your plans are for redecorating the hall?

how long do you have the hall available for decorating?

is it to be done on the day of your wedding?

i presume you would want me gone before your guests come?'

force her to confront what she's actually asking you to do. you're not committing, you're asking what she's expecting of you.

then you can tell her to ftfoawsgtfosm.

Notafoodbabyanymore · 24/07/2013 21:22

I like BalloonSlayer's answer. You are just going to have to spell it out to her. Be blunt, but completely cold and emotionless.

Or just write:

Ok, I think there's been a misunderstanding here. I thought you were asking me to do this for free as a favour to you, which is clearly incredibly rude, given that you asked me to keep the day free to attend your wedding (which is what STD cards are for) but then didn't invite me.

But you obviously mean that you want to hire me in a professional capacity. Because you would only ask such a favour from someone who was a close friend, and if they were that close they would definitely be invited to the wedding, no?

So, bearing that in mind, my fee for the day is 400 pounds. I'm happy to take a cheque or cash, whichever suits you.

AndHarry · 24/07/2013 21:22

BelleJolie's response with the "I'm sorry".

Although the less grown-up part of me is still hoping for the "Yo bitch, you on glue?!" response Wink

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 24/07/2013 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BalloonSlayer · 24/07/2013 21:24

LOVE Waffly's poem. Grin

TidyDancer · 24/07/2013 21:26

She does hold down a responsible job. She has been published in a quite important medical journal.

OP posts:
changeforthebetter · 24/07/2013 21:26

She wants the decorations to be a surprise for her guests? What is she planning - copulating unicorns made of ice showering indoor fireworks......

Words fail me, OP. I hope you tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck and further. WineSmile

poachedeggs · 24/07/2013 21:26

Waffly that's a work of genius!

JackNoneReacher · 24/07/2013 21:26

Shit, you couldn't make it up!

I'd probably just tell her you can do it then on the day send her a link to this thread.

Harsh I know.

Zipitydooda · 24/07/2013 21:28

I think that now is the time to send her a link to his thread. She is NEVER going to 'get it'.

Maybe 869 people trying to explain it to her will be the only thing to do it!

Overcooked · 24/07/2013 21:28

I vote:

'Are you fucking mental, who would not want to give up their time to help a friend that took the time to send a save the date card and subsequently took time from her busy wedding planning schedule to send me a retraction of the 'tentative' invitation - put me down, just let me know when i'll need to leave so nine of the other chosen ones see me x

TidyDancer · 24/07/2013 21:28

Can you position Sylvanians so they are shagging each other? I'm thinking I could do a midnight flit to the venue and maybe position them in random places outside.

Will be the talking point surely!

OP posts:
HmmmmNeedToDecide · 24/07/2013 21:29

Send back

'Oh I thought Id talk about this.....(link to this thread) Smile Smile Smile'

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