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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
emilialuxembourg · 24/07/2013 22:25

Agree with Pictish, no more engaging just tell her where to go.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 24/07/2013 22:26

Agree with pictish.

Tidy please start a new thread to tell us what, if anything, you decide to send back and any additional communication from this unbelievably off-her-rocker Bridezilla.

pigletmania · 24/07/2013 22:27

My goodness she is very sef absorbed and self centred, Her rudeness astounds me. Basically she sent save th date cards to announce to the world she is getting married, as if people care. After op sent her rely she is still begging for help, has te woman got no pride, she must ave a rhinos skin on her. Ten after the wedding she will be bragging about ho wondeeeeerful it was, and boring you to death with he pictures. She would not be my friend after tat perfrmance

dontlaugh · 24/07/2013 22:29

My name may be Tidy, indeed
And I?ll help out a friend who?s in need
But to leave off the list
A Dancer who?s pissed
Will lead to uproar, guaranteed.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 24/07/2013 22:30

Shock blooming hell!

id go with either...

a) hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... no!
b) what the fuck... are you on glue?
c) i could... but you're rude and horrible... so no!

whichever you decide... you should totally include a link to this thread.

also... if there is a second thread... can someone pm me a link? its not easy to find threads on the app Confused

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/07/2013 22:31

your lack of invite i took as a snub
then ask me to help you?, now there is the rub!
no interest in helping, are you round the bend?
no invite to wedding to me means no friend
i wish you no ill on your own special day
but if you want help then i think you should pay.
it might cost a you bit, but im sure youll agree
the real cost of friendship is in losing me.
good luck for the future, im sure youll be fine
but know any help that you get wont be mine.

best wishes

tidy...

pigletmania · 24/07/2013 22:31

You knew her from primary school, by the sounds of it are in touch regularly. For tat alone you should have been invited. You have obviously styled in touch for a considerable length of time, so would have thought you would mean much more to her, obviously not!

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/07/2013 22:32

(i wouldnt really send poetry....im just playing!)

dontlaugh · 24/07/2013 22:33

Vicar, don't get me started.....could be here all night. love yours!

TidyDancer · 24/07/2013 22:35

As much as I am enjoying the hilarious responses, I think the suggestions to be serious now are probably right. I do need to make this clear to her or it will go round in circles. And much as this is fun, at some point she does need to understand!

I will reply to her tomorrow, I promise, and if the thread fills up before then, I will start a part two. :)

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 24/07/2013 22:36

Oh, you're right. Of course. We did talk about it. I'm in the B team, but you need my help making things look lovely for the A team. Well, since you so clearly need help with this I've asked some of my closest friends most of whom I've never met and think you're on glue and got a whole group of people together to decorate...

Just remrmber to tell us where to bring our Sulvanian Families Tidy. We'll all chip in.

Chippychop · 24/07/2013 22:36

I reckon you send your message as a telegram to be read out at the wedding- or is that taking it too far...

Shitsinger · 24/07/2013 22:39

I lost it at " Id rather shit on my hands"
I have had a terrible day at work and it sent me over the edge -laughing cant stop laughing.
DH is looking at me --Hmm

Tidy you are the best!

IceNoSlice · 24/07/2013 22:43

Sylvanians explanation? Please, pretty please?

JollyHolidayGiant · 24/07/2013 22:43

Dear F

As I am required to assist at your event in a professional capacity, here is the quote for my services.

The fee will be £440. For this payment you will receive 3 hours of my time and expertise on the day and 1 hour of planning in the run up to the event. I will provide my own transport.

Half of the fee is payable in advance and the balance on completion of the decoration.

Please confirm acceptance of these terms.

Regards

Tidy

CruCru · 24/07/2013 22:44

Perhaps just don't reply. Then she has no idea whether you are doing it or not.

sweetiepie1979 · 24/07/2013 22:44

Id say go with balloon slayersresponse it will be clearer to her and help her not be such a dickhead in the future.

frumpet · 24/07/2013 22:46

Marking place

bigfuckoffpie · 24/07/2013 22:48

In real life, I'd go for a sensible reply like the ones that have been suggested.

But it would be funny if you wrote back saying:

"Dear Bridezilla - now that you mention it, I have a lovely idea for your wedding tables. I could decorate them tastefully with Sylvanian Family figures masturbating sideways with oars, inhaling solvents, and inserting colons up their own and their friends' rectums. I feel this would be a beautiful and symbolic representation of the highs and lows of modern marriage, and so fitting for your special occasion."

bigfuckoffpie · 24/07/2013 22:48

Gah, not colons, veils.

maishoffwcingras · 24/07/2013 22:49

marking place too!

pigletmania · 24/07/2013 22:50

I would reply, it might make you feel better

MagicHouse · 24/07/2013 22:50

I would just say no in a really unoffensive way now - reply something like

  • "Oh ok - got confused - really sorry can't make the decorating now anyway..... (innocuous excuse that she can't argue with - eg booked day out with dc), but hope you have a great day....... grin grin grin,

then ignore her!

PoppadomPreach · 24/07/2013 22:53

Any reply should be short and to the point, courteous yet dispassionate Something like;

"You have chosen not to invite me to your wedding, and i respect your decision. Now I am choosing not to help in it's preparation, and I hope you will respect my decision. Very best wishes on your wedding day.

Regards etc etc"

YouTheCat · 24/07/2013 22:55

I agree with Pictish. A clear, no-nonsense message telling her how rude she is and that you will not be doing her any favours.

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