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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
CrazySexyCool123 · 21/07/2013 14:23

Just turn up on the daywith other save the daters
! I've seen this happen Grin

Notafoodbabyanymore · 21/07/2013 14:23

Some people are unbelievable! I would have written back something along the lines of:

Dear Bridezilla,

Hahahahahahahaha...

Brilliant. I know you're joking, because nobody would ever be so outrageously rude as to ask a good friend to keep a day free to attend her wedding, then not invite her, but brazenly ask for help with decorations.

Extraordinary!

thistlelicker · 21/07/2013 14:25

I think you should send her the save the date back ripped up in bits and don't reply to her requests ! Ignore and move on! Entitled cow bag she is

missnevermind · 21/07/2013 14:26

You do know you now have to give us a quick rundown on the takeaway friends thread now.

(This in no way marks my place Wink No siree)

TheQuietCricket · 21/07/2013 14:26

I'd be sooooo tempted to say yes and then have an unsolvable childcare crisis on the day. Very sick child, can't be looked after by anyone else/embellish as necessary.

Why isn't the florist decorating the venue, is she being cheapskate and just looking for free labour ?

kalidanger · 21/07/2013 14:29

This is certainly a new spin on a wedding thread TidyDaner Well done! Wink

I'm so far off being married it's like going to the moon (so so single) but even I know save te date cards are for those being invited. She's nuts.

Shitsinger · 21/07/2013 14:31

Tidy It was such a great thread - we all got our drinks and it was fun and good natured - all waiting to see what rude cousin(?) who demanded takeaway and a free taxi would do when she got neither .

Thumbwitch · 21/07/2013 14:33

The nerve of some people never ceases to amaze me! I couldn't imagine sending a "save the date" card to people I wasn't planning to invite.

Brilliant reply you sent there. Can't wait to hear the response!

SlimePrincess · 21/07/2013 14:37

I think BalloonSlayer summed it up perfectly on page 9.

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 14:41

Takeaway thread

'twas epic that one!

OP posts:
kalidanger · 21/07/2013 14:56

Lined the fruit up in size order Grin

Dunham · 21/07/2013 14:58

YANBU - i really can't beleive that she sent some people STD cards, knowing that some might not actually be invited AND asked you to help her decorate her venue. I REALLY can't believe that someone would think that it's ok to do that.

Asamumnonsense · 21/07/2013 15:06

She is delusional!! to think that anyone isn't going to feel hurt by this.. she is thoughless and this is priceless.

Let us know her response please! she might surprise you...

SuperiorCat · 21/07/2013 15:15

Bridezillaness at it's best. Great reply OP

JackieTheFart · 21/07/2013 15:25

Cheeky cah.

Trills love your wordle thingummy!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/07/2013 15:25

Did she ever elaborate on the 'pissed off' FB status, TidyDancer? And have you had her over for dinner again?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 21/07/2013 15:27

Yanbu. What a selfish, nasty, entitled cow your friend is.

FlankShaftMcWap · 21/07/2013 15:50

Missed opportunity Tidy! You should have agreed to do it and then turned up with cunt bunting and started sticking it up on the walls nonchalantly! Then waited for her to notice and be all "WTF".

hermioneweasley · 21/07/2013 15:51

Ah, I remember the take away thread. You know some seriously cheeky feckers!

talkingnonsense · 21/07/2013 15:54

The takeaway thread was fab- did you manage to retrain her expectations?!

pigletmania · 21/07/2013 15:59

Oh I remember that one, cheeky so and so. What happened to her!

knackeredmother · 21/07/2013 16:01

Definitely send it. Good luck!

pigletmania · 21/07/2013 16:06

Yes I know that people are entitled to ask who they want at the wedding, but it's no excuse to treat people like rubbish. Money was not an issue for her, but good manners are. It seems as if she wanted save the date cards to tell near and far about her wedding, she does not have a clue.

What did you tell her tidy?

ExitPursuedByABear · 21/07/2013 16:07

Shameless place marking.

But not as shameless as the bride.

Viviennemary · 21/07/2013 16:13

It is extremely rude and cheeky of her to have sent out save the date cards and then no invitation. Perhaps this might just be acceptable if they had run out of money and had to cut the guest list and this came with a grovelling apology to you. But this doesn't seem to be the case. I don't think I'd bother with her or her wedding in future. Say you are decorating another hall for another friends wedding. Ridiculous woman!

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