to not pay for this takeaway meal?

(352 Posts)
TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 10:20:35

Okay, quite prepared to be told IABU on this one, but I actually think I'm being reasonable on it.

My cousin has got annoyed that she is not invited round to my house much. She has come for lunch before, but when I see her, which admittedly is not really that frequently, I generally meet her in a park (which is about halfway between our houses) so that DS and her DD can play together. I will pack a picnic if the weather is nice. But my cousin wants to come for dinner now, and I've arranged it for Friday night.

I'm reluctant to have her here in the evening mainly because she is usually miserable and rude. She has never made much of an effort to get to know my DP and the evening will just be uncomfortable and a total bore. Fortunately, the children do actually play nicely together, so DS will have a buddy for the night! I am okay with the fact that she's coming round, but I am annoyed about her comments about the food.

DP is a brilliant cook and has offered to do something that would suit everyone, adult and child. This was my preference, as we are largely a vegetarian household (I am veggie, DP eats mainly a vegetarian diet, as does DS, DD just about to start weaning). We thought if the weather was nice, we could even do a barbecue and eat in the garden.

But my cousin has rejected this idea and wants to come round for a takeaway. She has made it clear that she expects DP and I to pay for her and for her DD. If we'd invited her round explicitely to have a takeaway, I might agree with her, but that's not it. Not only that, but her DD is a very fussy eater and will according to her mother, probably only have chips. If that's ever the case with DS, we will let him have chips, but they will be oven chips, and I will do them at home for him. He will eat with us and have them served at the same time, so he wouldn't know they weren't from the takeaway (not that he'd care). Aside from the fact that I am being expected to pay for the takeaway, I have now been told that it would be unfair for me to cook oven chips for my cousin's DD when we would be having a takeaway, so I should be ordering a portion of chips and a couple of things for her to try. Again, I am being expected to pay for all this.

This is in addition to the fact that she won't get a taxi home (she doesn't drive) so DP or I will have to drive her and her DD to their place, meaning one of us will not be able to have a drink with dinner. Not such a big deal, but it's bugging me with the other stuff.

AIBU to tell my cousin that if she wants to have a takeaway, she will be expected to make a contribution that covers her and her DD's share? And that unless she does, DP will make dinner?

Why on earth are you inviting her over? Why don't you just tell her to fuck off? Honestly, the woman has zero manners - if you're invited to someone's house you get what you're given and you get a taxi home.

Does she have some kind of dirt on you or something? I can't think of any other reason you'd allow someone to blackmail you like this sad

Sorry if that comes across as a bit bullying - I'm just gobsmacked blush

catgirl1976 Sun 31-Jul-11 10:26:50

She sounds annoying but probably sees a takeaway as a nice treat. Unless you really can't afford it, I would just go ahead and order the takeaway. (I think the BBQ sounds lovely but each to their own).

Whatmeworry Sun 31-Jul-11 10:27:32

Bollocks to that it's your house you feed her what you want to. I would tell her that as fait accomplis

Mitmoo Sun 31-Jul-11 10:30:15

Uninvite her.

apple99 Sun 31-Jul-11 10:31:23

I would be coming up with an excuse to cancel the evening all together. She sounds awful and I would not want to waste an evening entertaining someone so rude and presumptuous.

Your cousin sounds very very annoying. She's invited herself over for dinner, and now she's dictating the menu? I have to say you are being unbelievably patient in not having told her where to stick her demands. Is she like this with other people? Do they let her get away with it?

Absolutely should she be paying her share of the takeaway, given that she's the one who's demanded it. Personally I wouldn't want to be negotiating with her over any of this (if she says she will pay for part, I bet she doesn't on the day) Just cook your barbecue and she can like it or lump it. It sounds far nicer than a takeaway imo.

Arion Sun 31-Jul-11 10:31:56

Definitely not unreasonable, she wants a takeaway, she pays! As you said, it would be a different story if you had invited her round for a takeaway, but to invite yourself round, dismiss what is planned for food, demand a takeaway and then expect you to pay is just wrong. How rude is she?!!!

beamel Sun 31-Jul-11 10:32:34

YANBU. The rude cow !
Christine is so right - tell her what DP is cooking. She can either eat it, sit and look at it or not come.
If she comes then have a drink with dinner and at the end of the night offer to call her a taxi.

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 10:32:36

She has no dirt on me, no! She's just like this, always has been. The family generally make allowances for her, it's just what's done. I don't really know why, I suppose for the sake of her DD now, but I don't really understand it.

We could afford it, catgirl, but why should I have to pay for her? If it was my idea to have the takeaway and she couldn't afford it (and I'm certain she'd say she can't, but I'm sure she could), that's one thing, but that's not what's going on here. I don't see why I should be forced to pay for her treat.

As for why I'm having her over....I suppose because I feel bad about not inviting her much before. I have BIL over on a weekly basis (we are close to him and would happily have him move in if he wanted to!) and my cousin's siblings will sometimes come for dinner, but then they do eat what they're given and will generally make their own way to us and back again.

Bollocks to that. I can't see one good reason to do any of what she expects. What a cheek!

QueenOfFeckingEverything Sun 31-Jul-11 10:33:15


She is being a precious rude twat.

squeakytoy Sun 31-Jul-11 10:34:47

Your own fault for agreeing to it in the first place, knowing what a twat she is.

But, its only Sunday, you have plenty of time to cancel. grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 10:34:53

I actually also thought the barbecue would be nicer for the children, so they could play outside for the whole evening and just come over for the food, rather than being called in to eat.

TheBolter Sun 31-Jul-11 10:37:11

You need to put your foot down here. She sounds rude and pretty vile in general but if you say your family have tolerated this for many years then you all have to take some responsibility in showing her what's acceptable and what isn't. Otherwise she will get worse!

WTF should you all bend over backwards just because she has a child? (boggles)

How often does she invite you over to her house for dinner? If you're over there all the time and you 'owe' her a meal, maybe then I'll allow you a tiny amount of guilt but that still wouldn't give her leeway to act up the way she is, and it still wouldn't give her the right to demand takeaway (has she specified what takeaway btw? <nosy>)

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 10:38:45

Yes, I know I should cancel. smile But I am a soft touch, and I do love her DD.

I think I may call her and say that we are not getting a takeaway, but that DP will do the barbecue and does she have any preference to what she would like done on it. We will provide drinks and stuff as well, she won't have to bring anything.

I'm not sure what to do about the transport though. Perhaps offer to pick her up, but say that I could call her a taxi for the trip back? I will need to be clear that I won't pay for the taxi, but I think a one way trip is a decent compromise?

FakePlasticTrees Sun 31-Jul-11 10:40:08

Tell her you are doing a BBQ - if she doesn't want to come round for that, then you'll understand and won't expect her. Tell her that if she does come over you'll both be drinking so does she want to book a taxi in advance or just order one when it's time for her to leave?

Honestly, it doesn't matter that she's been allowed to be rude for years, that's no reason for putting up with her being rude to you now. If she stops talking to you, then I'm sure your DS has other friends he can play with, it's no great loss.

Can't she get a bus on the way over? The fact that she can't drive is not your problem

Allow me to be the first on this thread to say: 'No is a complete sentence'

How far away is she? I wouldn't even pick her up. She has legs hasn't she? And if she's a grown adult with a child then presumably she gets herself about the rest of the time.

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 10:41:25

"They make allowances " She sounds awful and gets her own way because she has a strop !

I would quietly plan a BBQ -pray for good weather and when she arrives say "Oh we thought a BBQ would be nice as the weather is so good"
Ignore her strops,huffiness etc
Not surprised you dont have her round more often !

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Sun 31-Jul-11 10:41:34

I would actually make a point now of saying your dp is going to a lot of trouble cooking a 'special' dinner and you are not prepared to tell him his food is not good enough for her. If she doesn't want what's on offer, we'll see you in the park next week instead.

herbietea Sun 31-Jul-11 10:42:31

Message withdrawn

Columbia999 Sun 31-Jul-11 10:43:06

I would go ahead with the barbeque and not even mention a takeaway. Then if she's still determined to be so rude as to not eat the food that is offered, she can order and pay for her own takeaway.
Also, I'd make sure I had a couple of drinks, just enough to put me over the limit, so she'd have to get her own taxi.
People who are allowed to get away with this sort of ignorant behaviour will generally keep on doing it, until someone calls a halt. Your house, your hospitality, she can like it or lump it!

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 10:43:08

She never invites us there. I don't think we've ever eaten a meal she has cooked. That's only just occured to me. She pleads poverty frequently, so I guess that's why she doesn't invite us/anyone. She's not poor though. We do have more money than her, but she is certainly not on the breadline.

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 10:49:26

Gwen, she is about two miles away. We live at one end of town and she lives at the other. It's not a big town obviously! She could get a bus, I don't know why she won't. There's a stop just around the corner from our house and I think it goes into the road next to hers. She gets buses to do her shopping (etc), I think she just doesn't want to get a bus in the evening. It's not like she'd have to go in an unfamiliar area though, we both grew up in this town.

It probably is our fault (our meaning the whole family) for indulging her in the past, but it's been mainly because we do love her DD. My cousin had a tough childhood and I think that's what her attitude actually stems from. But I don't think that excuses her.

squeezemebakingpowder Sun 31-Jul-11 10:51:14

I just can't imagine the conversation where someone tells me that; 'No I don't want the BBQ you're planning, I want a takeaway and I want YOU to pay for it! Oh and I don't want to pay for a taxi home so as you both drive one of you can give us a lift eh?'

Are people actually that rude?


muriel76 Sun 31-Jul-11 10:52:57

Tidydancer, in the nicest possible way, this is one of 'those' threads which never ceases to amaze me! I can't believe how your cousin is behaving but equally cannot believe she has been 'allowed' to get away with it for so many years.

I'm surprised you even have to ask, of course you are not being unreasonable, but if you give in to her demands you are being a doormat. Sorry.

Have the BBQ, pick her up if you want but let her organise her own way home and ignore any sulks or comments.

Personally I would find an excuse to cancel but you sound like a much nicer person than me smile

TheBolter Sun 31-Jul-11 10:58:57

I really have no time for rudeness in my life, whoever it's from. OP I think you need to develop a bit of angry intolerance that can be reserved for times such as this!

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 10:59:02

I wish I was making this up Squeeze!

Basically, once the arrangement was made, I called her to say DP was going to make something, and was there any ingredient she or DD didn't like? I said if the weather was good, we could eat outside, or actually have a barbecue. She then said something like 'Oh I wanted to get a Chinese'. Stone silence from me followed by splutter-like noises. Then all the stuff about her DD and the chips came about when I said when we have a Chinese, DS usually won't eat much, so we just do him some oven chips rather than getting takeaway chips (waste of money and they are usually fried). After that, she mentioned that she can't afford a taxi home (she can, she just doesn't want to pay for it), so what time would we be able to drop her back? Etc.

If I wasn't related to this level of rudeness, I wouldn't believe it either.

FakePlasticTrees Sun 31-Jul-11 11:00:06

Tinydancer - I think you'd actually be doing her a favour by standing up to her, this sort of behaviour will lose her friends - people who aren't family and don't have that bond to force them to put up with this sort of diva act with her will drop her if she's like this with them.

A tough childhood is an explanation for her bad behaviour as an adult, but an explanation and an excuse are two very different things.

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 11:02:17

The stupid thing is, in almost all areas of my life, I don't even come close to being a doormat. I am not combative and I don't pick fights, but I am not a pushover. I will fight my corner. But I am so used to keeping the peace and having my cousin sulk, that it's just become normal to make allowances for her. As I said, she had a tough childhood, so I think she expects people to be nice to her because of it. She's in her 30's, that can't be her passport for life.

I should toughen up with her, but I worry she will tantrum and withdraw her DD's close contact with the family if she doesn't get treated how she currently is.

Ambergambler Sun 31-Jul-11 11:02:46

She's being a brat because she has been allowed to get away with it. The rest of your family will probably be eternally grateful if you stop tolerating it. You shouldn't put up with her, at all. Next time you could always invite her dd for a sleepover or a play date without her after all! grin It doesn't do her any favours to allow her to continue as a) she will get worse the more she gets away with b) it sounds like she is single for a reason and an attitude adjustment may amend that situation, and get her off your back into the bargain.
You should not have to do anything you are not comfortable with, particularly in your own home. She needs telling straight. She must know that she is not behaving well on some level.

catgirl1976 Sun 31-Jul-11 11:03:48

Take no notice of me tidy. I am a door mat sad DO what everyone else says and good luck!

squeezemebakingpowder Sun 31-Jul-11 11:05:06

I think if I were you, I would just tell her the BBQ is going ahead, so let you know what she and dd like, and say you'll pick her up and she can arrange a taxi for the way home! Make sure she's clear that you're NOT paying for the taxi because she could turn up on the day with no money!

Good luck if you go ahead, but maybe you can be the one who starts putting your foot down on her selfish behaviour!

Ambergambler Sun 31-Jul-11 11:05:15

Xpost! She probably will tantrum, because she thinks it's how to get her own way. Let her have her hissy fit. If she withdraws contact, let her calm down a while and then offer a play date or similar. If she is so deaperate to come to your house now, she will soon cave in. Is the desparation to come to you because someone else has put their foot down with her by any chance?
Please don't let her blackmail you with the threat of witholding her dd. Even if she does, I'll bet it won't last.

G1nger Sun 31-Jul-11 11:06:43

Yes to what Colombia says about the taxi. I also think you should consider another couple of people over and making it a bigger BBQ. How old is she, that she hasn't learnt how to treat people yet?

squeezemebakingpowder Sun 31-Jul-11 11:08:39

Agree with Ambergambler.

RabidRabbit Sun 31-Jul-11 11:09:36

Absolutely ridiculous to even think about pandering to this adult brat.

Tell her you are doing a BBQ, and that some other friends/family are now invited and you can't afford a takeaway for all so your DH is doing a BBQ. You will both be having a drink with your dinner so she will need to book a taxi or get the bus. If she doesn't want to come, that's fine, and you will see her at the park again one day.

Gobsmacked at the cheek of some people!

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 11:11:59

I'm not sure why she's so desperate to come round. The cynic in me wonders if she's just wanting a free meal, but I don't really know. Trust me when I saw she isn't poor. In the last week, she has paid for theatre trips, a visit to the beach and a farm outing. If she is able to pay for all that, she can't plead poverty to me and have it be anything but disingenuous.

I will certainly offer to have her DD for a sleepover, that's an excellent idea. I wouldn't mind picking her up and dropping her off the next day, and DS would love her staying over.

G1nger, she is 34.

mayorquimby Sun 31-Jul-11 11:12:11

sorry but how in the hell does someone reach adulthood and retain this kind of behaviour? How can someone have so little self-awareness?

Call her and tell her you have decided you will be doing a bbq on Friday evening and ask if there is anything she does not like.

If she mentions the takeaway again, tell her again that you've decided you're having a bbq. And let that be the end of it!

With regards transport I would say something along the lines of "both DP and I will be drinking Friday evening. One of us is happy to pick you up but you will need to make arrangements to get yourselves home" When it comes to the evening if she starts scrounging for money tell her you have none in the house.

All being well she'll back out before Friday when she realises she's not coming for a free takeaway. Cheeky cow.

You sound much nicer than me. Frankly I would be calling her to say it's cancelled and just stick to the usual meeting in the park (but I wouldn't really look forward to that either).

G1nger Sun 31-Jul-11 11:17:42

Even if you all continue to accept this behaviour in her 30s, by the time she's 50 life's going to become much harder for her. It's really not cute or anything by then... I'm sure she did have a difficult childhood, but if you love her then you really would be doing her a favour by printing out and showing this thread to her. She'll explode in the short term, but remind her that you love her and you want to continue to have a good relationship, with mutual consideration, into the future. You come across really well on here.

NattersAndMutters Sun 31-Jul-11 11:21:50

Uninvite her

I need my reading glasses, I thought at first that said 'Urinate on her'

BTW what's the deal with the chips. Chip-shop chips are totally different from home-made oven chips, and having them once in a while won't kill your child. Let him experience this British culinary tradition grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 11:22:44

You are all so right, and thank you very much for your posts. I will give her a call and say it will be a barbecue and that she will not have to contribute anything. I am only just back to drinking again post-DD, so I would like to have some wine with dinner. I think the offer of a one-way lift is okay, isn't it? I don't want to give her any reasonable grounds to gripe at me.

DP is really a very good cook, and he says you are all nice and can come round for a barbecue anytime. grin

Sheepling Sun 31-Jul-11 11:22:53

Just a diplomatic idea, but maybe suggest having a bbq at yours, maybe DP could be looking forward to it or something, and then throw in "If you really want a chinese, maybe we could come to you for one next week?"
She sounds rude but I've found with family members its better to avoid confrontation.
As for the taxi - tell her either you and DP will prob have a drink and give her a taxi number!

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 11:24:45

Oh DS has some fried food sometimes, believe me!

The deal is just that it's a waste of money when I have a bag of oven chips at home. I stick some of them in the oven at the same time as ordering the takeaway normally. I don't mind him having the odd bit of fried goodness, it's just a waste of money to get chips with a takeaway!

exoticfruits Sun 31-Jul-11 11:26:53

I would tell that she is welcome, you are cooking-if she wants a take away instead that is fine, but getting it and paying for it is up to her.

eurochick Sun 31-Jul-11 11:28:45

Is she five? This sort of self-centred rudeness is usually seen around that age.

Feed her whatever you prepare. Make sure you and your husband both have a drink. Hand her a taxi number.

Forgot to add that she is mad, I absolutely love a BBQ. Yummy big burgers and onions and cheese and sauce and mmmmmm.... Where do you live? grin

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Sun 31-Jul-11 11:31:08

Just tell me when and where grin

HerHissyness Sun 31-Jul-11 11:31:32

Stop asking her permission to hold a BBQ, and to get her to and from your home.

No-one else acts like this FGS, really.

You are holding a BBQ, if she wants to attend, great, if not, no biggie!

Go pick her up, but then BOTH of you can drink, and call her a cab, don't give her a choice in the matter. If she's not happy with that really that is her issue! You have done more than 99.9% of posters on this thread would do even for our direct family. Seriously, even ONE off remark at my hospitality and she'd never get invited again.

IF she kicks off, or is anything less than gracious, then you really need to sit her down and tell her right off for being so hideously entitled.

Ooh thank you. I will bring some squeaky cheese kebabs grin

pigletmania Sun 31-Jul-11 11:38:36

Tidy I am shock with her rudeness and entitlement. Why are you putting up with such horrible behaviour, I would not expect that off my ASD dd aged 4 let alone a grown adult! I would telephone her and tell her that its off, and that she is being very rude, and that you have something better to do.

muriel76 Sun 31-Jul-11 11:40:34

DP is really a very good cook, and he says you are all nice and can come round for a barbecue anytime

Bonza! Thanks very much. Am I ok for a lift home after? grin grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 11:40:36

Ooh a MN party! We have quite a big garden, this could be fun! grin

I will update you all when I have spoken to her!

pigletmania Sun 31-Jul-11 11:43:30

God I wish my dh would cook anything! He cannot even boil and egg. Yes we will come round please smile tell her that she should grow up and that she cannot use the past as an excuse, if I did that with my SN there is noway that I would have gone to uni and got my undergraduate and postgrad degrees. FFS Tidy don't put up with that shit

chirpchirp Sun 31-Jul-11 11:57:56

Just another ideas to stop her in her incredible rude tracks.

Phone her a few hours before she is due to arrive and explain that as it's been such a lovely day that you and DH have already enjoyed a glass of vino or two in the sunshine so you won't be able to offer her a lift wink. I would imagine at this point she will probably decline.

BlimminEck Sun 31-Jul-11 12:21:36

when she gets there, just make sure you and OH have a few glasses of wine, then there will be no talk about giving her a lift home

Shutupanddrive Sun 31-Jul-11 14:28:02

Bet she comes with no money, so you will end up paying for her taxi home too! Cheeky cow, of course YANBU, and can you please let us know what happens? (yes I'm nosey!)

G1nger Sun 31-Jul-11 14:35:17

If she comes with no money, make clear it's a loan that has to be repaid when you next see her.

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 14:36:19

Would it be horrible to suggest she walks home if she has no money on her? If I say what I'm planning to say, I really need to follow through on it.

Shutupanddrive Sun 31-Jul-11 14:37:13

Failing that her dd can have a sleepover and she can walk two miles home!

Shutupanddrive Sun 31-Jul-11 14:38:02

X post! smile

G1nger Sun 31-Jul-11 14:38:10

That could be interpreted as a little unreasonable - unless of course she prefers that option to repaying you a taxi fare loan...

HeIsSpartacus Sun 31-Jul-11 14:39:23

I always used to have to get taxis to stop for cash for me blush (it is a bad trait, always have cash now I have DC and sadly rarely the opportunity to get taxis now I have mended my ways) - is there a cashpoint in town the taxi can go past en route back home?

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 14:52:41

She won't pay me back though, I can see it now. She will think that because she's been at my house, I should facilitate all that that involves, including getting her home. She will say she'll pay me back to make sure I give her the money, but she will avoid giving me the money later, because she will still feel that I should've paid.

I think she may be resentful of what we earn. We don't have masses of money, but we can pay the bills and have some left over, and I always find myself very conscious of mentioning that in front of her. She will either get the 'it's alright for some' attitude or she will become grabby. She works part time and I know money is tighter for her, but not so much so that she can't afford some luxuries.

I hate that I can't just have her round and it be about enjoying each other's company. She is just rude.

LikeACandleButNotQuite Sun 31-Jul-11 14:59:05

If money is tight for her, why not ring in advance and say "we've got some BBQ stuff in the freezer, so just going to cook that for us, save us all forking out for take away" emphasis on all!!

and "DH and I are really looking forward to spending the evening with you, relaxing with a few glasses of wine...why don't you and DD stay over, save you having to think about a Taxi?"

LikeACandleButNotQuite Sun 31-Jul-11 14:59:43

emphasis on "you" grin

G1nger Sun 31-Jul-11 15:01:45

She sounds like a real pain in the bum. Hence my earlier advice on printing out this thread to show to her... Or raising it directly in conversation "I love you and love spending time with you, but...". You really would be doing her a favour.

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 15:02:58

That's a nice idea, but she won't stay over because of her dog, and I can't have him in the house. Although I could say it as a way to lead into the "save you having to think about a taxi" bit!

Money isn't as tight as she likes to make out sometimes, she forgets I can see all her pictures on FB. She lets my mum pay for everything if they ever go out together and she's on a tiny pension. That makes me bloody mad, that does.

Grrr. The thread is bringing out all my grievances with her.

Seriously - why?
Just have her daughter over sometimes, you don't have to entertain this grabby, entitled PITA in order for your kids to have a relationship. Just say no.

Maryz Sun 31-Jul-11 15:15:08

If I were you I wouldn't mention food to her again. When she arrives, have bbq food ready to cook, but hand her a takeaway menu and say "we're eating off the bbq, but if you want to order yourself a takeaway they can deliver it and you can pay them".

I would also make sure one of you doesn't drink, so that you can take her home as early as possible. She might stay for hours if she is getting a taxi.

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Jul-11 15:17:47

I would send her a text saying "Thought about the Chinese but DH refuses, says he wants to do a BBQ. He'll pick you up at 7pm but as we'll all be drinking, you'll have to get a taxi back. Don't bring anything with you - we have wine in."

Then get your DH to pick her up. He should say "Got your keys? Got the number for a taxi? Got your purse?" before he starts to drive back with her.

If, when the time comes for her to get a taxi and she asks for money for the taxi, your DH should look SHOCKED and say "You don't have any money? How did you think you were going to get home without any money?" Then you should say "We don't have any money on us - we used it all getting the BBQ food and the wine. Don't worry, the taxi driver will wait whilst you get your purse from the house."

cookcleanerchaufferetc Sun 31-Jul-11 15:20:26

Cancel it. She is being a selfish bitch. I think you are unreasonable for pandering to her. She needs to be told that she does not run the show and should start being more thoughtful and considerate. You and others are allowing her by acceptance to be a pain in the arse, and it is not doing her DD any good as she will follow by example.

I wouldn't worry about warning her about the taxi in case she comes over with no money, surely the taxi can just stop at a cashpoint on the way through town?

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor Sun 31-Jul-11 15:45:13

Wrt the taxi, if you don't have any money in the house you can't pay for the taxi can you? wink

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Jul-11 15:53:03

I think she'd find it harder to argue with your husband. He should do all the talking!

GreenEyesandHam Sun 31-Jul-11 16:05:23

Seriously, cancel.

If only for the sake of your own self respect- it seems a bit two faced and disingenuous to entertain somebody who you clearly have so many issues with (think most people would btw)

You can still offer to have her child over etc, but for this weekend I would say it was off. End of story.

G1nger Sun 31-Jul-11 16:05:34

I can see ImperialBlether could teach us all a few things.. !

If she tries the 'I've got no money' card, then just say - sympathetically - "Oh that's a shame. Shall we move it to next week/month then?"

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Jul-11 16:21:54

grin @ Ginger

I just think this woman thinks she can bully the OP, but she may not feel as confident playing the same trick on the OP's DH.

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 16:27:16

Ooh you lot are wonderfully evil and I love every last one of you!

It's not that I don't care about my cousin, there's just aspect of her behaviour that make me want to slap her silly.

I will keep you all updated. I'll be calling her tonight.

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 17:01:34

Noooooo! Dont cancel ! this could be a classic like the pombear thread and the one where the BIL kept going upstairs -dont think we ever found out why ?

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 17:15:59

Oh yes, I remember both of those!

Don't worry, I won't cancel. The fallout from cancelling would be worse than going ahead with this.

Perhaps, if I wanted to make it a truly classic night, I could invite BIL and dramatically reveal the truth about the tattoo. grin

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor Sun 31-Jul-11 17:37:13

Okay, I'll bite....

tattoo???? confused

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Jul-11 17:37:39

Do that!

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 17:45:28

Chaotic, I had a thread about my BIL's tattoo a few weeks ago. It's a hairy skull with a Shakespeare quote incorrectly translated into German.

Anyone want to trade families with me?

G1nger Sun 31-Jul-11 17:59:43

Can you get us a photo of that, TidyDancer? ;)

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 18:03:37

Link ? Pleeeease !grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 18:18:05

I haven't managed to photograph it yet G1nger!

For you, MrsBaggins!

VirtualWitch Sun 31-Jul-11 18:21:37

Gosh, what a strange one OP! Until I read about the takeaway, I was thinking you should just have her the once for good grace and put up with her, but not the takeaway demand! If someone comes round to your house for dinner, they eat what is provided! Never mind asking for a takeaway to provided and paid for!

I just wonder though whether some people's interpretation of dinner out is a takeaway? ie their main experience of eating out is just that and it is their idea of some kind of culinary heaven? I've come across similar - friend came to stay with me for a weekend and I'd been to M&S and bought a lovely piece of beef (she's not vegetarian). She took one look at it, screwed her nose up and announced she would have to get a takeaway. We then spent over an hour driving around to find a takeaway of a satisfactory standard. She did at least pay for it herself though! And honestly, since she was my guest I didn't mind, although I found it really strange.

In which case, since she's family, I would lay down the law to her and say she eats what she is given if invited to dinner in your house and there will certainly be no question of takeaways being bought for her to eat there. If she doesn't like it, then she doesn't need to come. How rude of her!

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 18:55:18

Mwahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahha ! that is a classic thread tidy
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease post a live thread on friday grin

aquashiv Sun 31-Jul-11 19:03:20

Plan your meal the one you would have anyway invite her to bring the sweet. If she doesnt like it then just tell her lets leave the meal out. Personally I avoid awkward freeloaders like the plague.

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 19:34:30

Do a really awful meal - snails for starter <boak> with squabssad for main and then something really vile for pud -what are those really stinky fruit called ??
Pleeeease for us [bats eyelashes] this could be awesome op grin

Merlotmonster Sun 31-Jul-11 19:37:49

when she gets there, say 'oh, ive cooked now so we wont need a takeaway'.....then you and your husband should drink lots of wine so she has no choice but to get a cab home ! he he (or am i just evil!) x

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 19:40:00

I am loving the drinking lots of wine thing!

I promise to keep you all informed of developments!

DP is refusing to cook something shite though, he values his reputation in the family! grin

MightyQuim Sun 31-Jul-11 19:50:41

Sorry if you've already explained as Ive only skim read but how exactly has she 'made it clear' that you will be paying for the take away?

puzzlesum Sun 31-Jul-11 19:57:52

MrsBaggins, I think you mean lychees <vomit emoticon>

I'm absolutely pissing myself at the BIL and his tattoo, btw.

MightyQuim Sun 31-Jul-11 20:01:28

I love lychees!

Nagini Sun 31-Jul-11 20:11:40

blantant place marking in attempt to get BBQ invite.

I'll have the lobster.

Obviously I'll need a lift home. grin

Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 20:13:04

Nagini, I'll need one too so the OP can drop us both off and save herself 2 trips grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 20:15:42

Mighty, it was something like "I thought you would be getting us a takeaway". I don't remember exactly how it was phrased, but it was quite obvious she would not be contributing. Not to mention that she never has before.

The tattoo....well what can I say? My family need to come with a health warning, they're all batshit crazy. grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 20:16:35

Bugger, I'm going to have to strap you lot to the roofrack to get everyone home, aren't I? wink

MightyQuim Sun 31-Jul-11 20:18:49

In that case why didn't you just say 'No DH is cooking'?

Nagini Sun 31-Jul-11 20:19:17

Well tidy I assumed that you'd be hiring a luxury coach?

PaWithABra Sun 31-Jul-11 20:22:12

why can't your son have chips from the chippy ? why do you bother cooking oven chips when you are going to a take away ?

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 20:24:07

Well I haven't said a definitive yes or no yet, Mighty. She made it a statement rather than a question, but I will be saying no.

That would solve it, wouldn't it, Nagini? Alternatively, I could just pitch you all a tent in the garden!

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 20:24:31

Pa, I already answered that. smile

Portofino Sun 31-Jul-11 20:25:01

Pa - I think the idea was that you get a chinese and OP doesn't want to pay for chips for ds - who eats half a dozen and wastes the rest, when he could have a handful of oven chips for free.

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor Sun 31-Jul-11 20:25:28

I can do crazy and BBQs wink

PaWithABra I would imagine the OP's DS wouldn't eat a full potion of chips, therefore it would be a waste to buy them.

<goes to read tattoo thread>

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 20:26:49

Exactly. He would never get through a whole portion. If we have chip shop chips, he will eat some of what DP and I have. He's not banned from eating fried food, I just refuse to waste money.

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 20:29:45

No not lychees - we call them "eyeballs" in this house grin .Isnt there a really smelly fruit when ripe <tastes lovely smells vile > or maybe I am imagining it.
Loving your family and their hilarious tattoos btw -makes mine look "normal" (they are not) grin

puzzlesum Sun 31-Jul-11 20:34:10

MrsBaggins. Durian fruit?

NattersAndMutters Sun 31-Jul-11 20:34:36


NatureorNurture Sun 31-Jul-11 20:35:25

Is it Durian fruit you're thinking of-tastes like heaven, smells like hell?

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 20:37:04

Yes !

Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 20:37:14

A tent?! FFS, how cheap are you?!

I will settle for a Travelodge at the absolute least grin I dont mind sharing a room though, I am not totally unreasonable!

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 20:39:44

Doubt you can get them in Tesco though grin

ravenAK Sun 31-Jul-11 20:39:59

Durian fruit?

Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 20:41:55

My uncle is a chef and said that the only thing he couldnt bring himself to eat was that fruit that smells rotten. He said that the smell made him want to heave so he refused to to try it! Oddly enough I have never felt moved to seek it out to try it!

Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 20:42:59

Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 20:43:10
ChaoticAngelofGryffindor Sun 31-Jul-11 20:47:04

Have just read the tattoo thread...classic gringringrin

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 20:47:21

Ok- OP we have the menu sorted -what time will you expect us on Friday ? I will bring wine and will make my own way homegrin

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 20:48:57

Can you get a sneaky pic of the tattoo at some point ?
" This is your mission if you choose to accept it " grin

duckdodgers Sun 31-Jul-11 20:51:26

"I should toughen up with her, but I worry she will tantrum and withdraw her DD's close contact with the family if she doesn't get treated how she currently is."

And she probably knows this to.

thenightsky Sun 31-Jul-11 20:52:05

What sort of take-away was she trying to blag off you then? Chinese? Indian? Fish and Chips?

Not that it has any bearing on the story though, obv.

Shutupanddrive Sun 31-Jul-11 20:54:31

Do we really have to wait till Friday to see what happens? Can you change it to tomorrow night instead? smile
was Chinese thenightsky

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 20:55:39

I will try for the tattoo picture. I can't promise anything, but I'll try!

MrsBaggins, you're my number one guest! You bring the alcohol and you don't want to hitch a ride....can't say better than that! grin

<am so not tempted to serve durian fruit as a starter on Friday>

<am prone to big whopper lies>

<am so not on Googling durian fruit stockists>

I can just imagine my brothers response if I told him I was coming for dinner, he was paying for takeaway and then driving me home! And he's a lovely brother too!

Good luck with the phone call OP. Am glued to this thread.

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 20:56:40

Shall I get some Pombears and nice (vegetarian) ham as well?

GreenEyesandHam Sun 31-Jul-11 20:57:33

Apparently durian fruit smells like…well there's no polite way to say this… erm…

Unwashed fanjita

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 20:58:14

grin grin grin Red or white wine

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 20:59:56

DP says you're all gross (but he still wants you round for a barbie!). grin

Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 21:01:46

Okay, so I'll get myself and bring booze, so can I come?

I promise I wont bring anything that smells like a manky fanjo, unless there is something my best friends wont tell me.........

Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 21:02:00

get myself home

MrsBaggins Sun 31-Jul-11 21:02:28

Hahahahahaha I laughed so loudly at "Unwashed fanjita " the cat has given me a really funny look.grin
We really should ask MN for a catsbum face emoticon

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor Sun 31-Jul-11 21:03:02

That tattoo thing is easy. Just tell your BIL you were telling some mn'ers about his new tattoo and you want a pic so you can show us just how good it is. Say you couldn't do it justice simply by describing it wink

As for the BBQ, I can bring my own drink grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 21:03:36

Yes you may, Bogey.

Manky fanjos welcome.

DP just looked at me and said "you were normal before Mumsnet" and slunk off into the bathroom.


Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 21:07:46

grin tidy, if we have a blazing row issue or I wonder aloud about something he will say "what do they say about it?"

SugarPasteFrog Sun 31-Jul-11 21:15:11

<shamelessly marking place to hear the outcome of THE PHONECALL>


superjobee Sun 31-Jul-11 21:17:47

i just nearly pmsl at your BILs tattoo and manky fanjo fruit grin

Um, I'm hoping my fanjo isn't manky. Does that disqualify me?

I can still bring wine

puzzlesum Sun 31-Jul-11 21:21:37

I wonder if your DP could whip a 3 course menu, cooked on the barbecue, each course featuring durian fruit.

Alternatively your BIL could bring some deep fried crispy moths for the appetiser <snort>.

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 21:31:36

All fanjos can attend, manky or not. Non manky fanjos must bring a manky fanjo fruit. How's that for an entry price? grin

I'm quite tempted to invite BIL now, I feel that it would be the perfect occasion during which to 'out' his tattoo.

I fear my children may be doomed. The gene pool is just utter shite isn't it? grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 21:34:59

Btw, I expect you all to be sat at the computer, drinking wine and coveting fanjo fruit on Friday night.

GreenEyesandHam Sun 31-Jul-11 21:38:43

Ha ha I should have added, I have never seen nor smelled a durian fruit myself.

It's not like I picked one up, sniffed, and thought…'hang on a minute … this smells like …shock…'

I read it somewhere grin

messymammy Sun 31-Jul-11 21:38:58

Tidy, tell your cousin you've invited a load of strangers off the internet to the BBQ, hope she doesnt mine......Bet she won't come then grin

Can't wait for the BBQ, thanks MrTidy for the invite, I too shall bring a bottle.
Won't look for a lift as will most likely pass out, that's ok right?! wink

PelvicFloorOfSteel Sun 31-Jul-11 21:39:23

You have the kind of family which will mean one day your memoirs will be published for a large sum of money, your cousin will probably try to scrounge it off you but at least the potential is there. grin

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 21:41:17

"Hi, so looking forward to seeing you on Friday, hope you don't mind, but I've got a few strangers much loved friends coming too. They're bringing manky fanjos, that's okay, right?"

Can I send that in a text instead?


Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 21:42:32

I did wonder Greeneyes but didnt like to ask!

Bogeyface Sun 31-Jul-11 21:43:20

This is an official dare

In fact, make that a double dare!

I dare you to send that text

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 21:46:08

Apparently, you can make icecream with durian.... hmm

TeamDamon Sun 31-Jul-11 21:49:48

TidyDancer, you are officially my new favourite MNetter.

With this thread and the tattoo thread, you are spoiling us <said in Ferrerro Rocher advert voice> grin

Haven't laughed so much for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages.

notlettingthefearshow Sun 31-Jul-11 21:53:45

She sounds like a nightmare but I wonder if there is more to it? If she is a meat eater, perhaps she doesn't enjoy your DH's vegetarian cooking (unless of course he usually cooks meat especially for her?) Taste in food is very subjective and she may simply want to be able to order her own food because she doesn't like what you eat in your household. Don't take this personally. Do you like what she eats in hers? Maybe you just have different ideas about food.

Even so, she is unreasonable. You can say that you don't get takeaways and give as many reasons as you like (waste of money, unhealthy, creates waste, etc) and that you prefer to feed your family homecooked food. This is non negotiable. Ask what food she would order at a takeaway and offer to make something similar. This won't be a problem if your DH is an experienced cook.

As for the driving, you must have been very kind in the past to give her the idea you were happy to drive her back and forth. Maybe she doesn't realise that you feel it is a sacrifice not to drink for an evening. As a nondriver, perhaps she has never done this. Explain that you're both looking forward to relaxing with a drink at the end of a hard week, etc can't give her a lift home. You could offer to pick her up but not take her back. If she can't manage this, then you should meet elsewhere, or make plans in the daytime when public transport is presumably easier.

I may be giving her far too much credit - she is probably quite aware of how much hard work she is, and therefore is probably simply very selfish. And it sounds really odd that she would prefer a takeaway than your food. But since you want to keep the relationship going, you should let her come over - on your terms.

Good luck!

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 21:55:43

Awwww thanks TeamDamon!

Okay, as much as I love you all, I am going to depart for the evening. Overnight, I will grow the balls to send that text (probably), and I will keep you updated on all relevant issues. Fruit, takeaways, tattoos, if there is gossip to be had, you will have it. grin

Goodnight all. smile

muriel76 Mon 01-Aug-11 18:42:53

Did you do it?! I have logged back in just to find out.....blush

SugarPasteFrog Mon 01-Aug-11 19:46:57

Checking in to see if you've broken the bad news yet grin

TidyDancer Mon 01-Aug-11 19:55:11

Evening all!

Message has been sent.

Okay, not exactly in the form I alluded to above, but something like "Hi, we're really looking forward to Friday, DP wants to do a barbie so we can take advantage of the nice weather! Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to get from Tesco. We already have wine and drinks for the DC. We're going to do a fruit pudding, something nice and light."

Would it be too cruel to make durian icecream for her? grin

lilmissminx Mon 01-Aug-11 20:00:38

shock wine for the DC? lol -sorry literal reading there!--

Good for you. Keep standing up to her.

SugarPasteFrog Mon 01-Aug-11 20:01:14

Manky fanjo icecream served with a sprinkling of pubes and perhaps studded with a garnish of genital warts?

Good work, although the manky fanjo stuff was funnier. How are you planning to deal with the ride home issue? Can you text that too?

Purplegirlie Mon 01-Aug-11 20:20:24

She sounds a nightmare, OP, and I would definitely tell her in no uncertain terms that you won't be getting a takeaway and that you won't be giving her a lift home. Let her strop or get annoyed and just laugh at her. What a madam!

I have a friend who is a bit like that, although probably not quite as bad. She's very demanding and wants everything her own way. Lots of people don't like her but I find the only way I can maintain the friendship is by standing up to her and telling her "no" if I don't want to do something. She is getting better with me and is much more respectful and less demanding with me now. You might find this is the case with your cousin if you stand up to her and refuse to give in to her demands.

TidyDancer Mon 01-Aug-11 21:05:13

I find it's an easier bedtime process if I get the DCs tanked up first. They sleep better. grin

She hasn't replied yet, I'm waiting for that before I mention the transport situation.

SPF, remind me never to come to dinner at your house! You are awesome disgusting! grin

SugarPasteFrog Mon 01-Aug-11 21:08:13

I confess, I am not known for my cooking. When it's my turn to cook and DH bravely asks what's for dinner, he always looks visibly relieved when I tell him it's from a packet or a can grin

pigletmania Mon 01-Aug-11 21:35:37

Tidy you were too restrained. I would have been much more harsher with her.

Spuddybean Mon 01-Aug-11 21:44:33

i have been checking this thread throughout the day in case of an update - it made me laugh so much!

i would actually pay someone to tell me they wanted a takeaway at my expense and a lift here and home! the satisfaction of telling them no would be be exquisite.

i know it's your RL and family but i cant help hope she has a strop about not getting a chinese takeaway. (sorry)

Dylthan Mon 01-Aug-11 21:59:23

shock I can't believe that there are people out there that are actually this rude.

Has she replied yet or do you think she's sulking?

Lou222 Mon 01-Aug-11 22:00:57

Has she replied ?

pigletmania Mon 01-Aug-11 22:08:09

This woman puts all us non car drivers in a bad light, that we are all lift grabbing scroungers.

warthog Mon 01-Aug-11 22:14:27

has she thrown a hissy yet?

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor Mon 01-Aug-11 22:17:42

SugarPasteFrog we must have been separated at birth. I always say that my DC have grown up with cast iron stomachs grin

loubielou31 Mon 01-Aug-11 22:23:44

You were much too nice. I'm looking forward to fridays bbq already though. smile

cjbartlett Mon 01-Aug-11 22:29:29

Agree piglet

Bogeyface Mon 01-Aug-11 22:48:51

i dont think she does Piglet simply because most non drivers dont behave like this and most drivers know that. I would always offer lifts if I am able to, always, but its only if someone demands it as the OPs cousin did that I would refuse.

You would get a lift off me every time piglet smile

uninspired Mon 01-Aug-11 22:52:26

Can't believe I missed this thread or the cheek of your cousin or my shameless placemarking

Portofino Mon 01-Aug-11 22:52:59

I want to come! I live in Belgium but will be in Leeds on Friday night. Please tell me you live in Leeds....

goodasgold Mon 01-Aug-11 23:24:55


Curiousmama Mon 01-Aug-11 23:42:28

So glad you sent that text smile Loving this thread, read almost all of it. You lot are so norty grin

pigletmania Tue 02-Aug-11 08:42:30

Aww thanks bogey, smile. I would love to learn again but money is a bit tight at the moment with a dc 2 on the way. I will never say never thiugh

G1nger Tue 02-Aug-11 10:27:01

Your text was indeed very nice. Too nice, in my opinion (but maybe you're just nicer than me!). If she finds something to complain about there, she's really trying.

Curiousmama Tue 02-Aug-11 10:35:08

Yes op is very nice. I'd have binned her tbh but the cousin knows how to manipulate people. I used to have a friend like this.

squeezemebakingpowder Tue 02-Aug-11 11:26:18

Great text!
Now you MUST stand your ground over the taxi....go girl you can do it

<shamelessly marks place ready for Friday....>

MissJanuary Tue 02-Aug-11 13:08:17

marking place - the level of her rudeness is extrordinary

SugarPasteFrog Tue 02-Aug-11 20:37:19

<settling in>

Shall we have a MN BBQ on Friday?

MrsBaggins Tue 02-Aug-11 21:04:11

I bringwine grin

Yes, let's have a BBQ. I'll bring my famous emmental and chocolate kababs.

MoaningMcMyrtlepants Tue 02-Aug-11 21:29:28

Any news yet? Has she replied?

Bogeyface Tue 02-Aug-11 21:56:53

I can bring spatchcock lemon chicken and cous cous and lots of wine!

pigletmania Tue 02-Aug-11 22:06:30

What the hell is spatchcock chicken confused

lilmissminx Tue 02-Aug-11 22:21:35

pmsl piglet spatchcock chicken is a whole chicken opened out from underneath and cooked flat in basic terms! Tesco do a stunning garlic one for £4 Cooks a bit quicker than a whole one would normally too

Bogeyface Wed 03-Aug-11 00:54:32


And it tastes AMAZING!!

Bogeyface Wed 03-Aug-11 00:55:43

Although I should add that you do need a fairly strong stomach to a) cut through the appropriate areas and b) break the bones to get it flat.......ralph...

empirestateofmind Wed 03-Aug-11 04:21:09

I am looking forward to the Friday update smile

uninspired Wed 03-Aug-11 12:45:27

Have you had a reply to your text yet TidyDancer?

TidyDancer Wed 03-Aug-11 18:44:24

Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay in getting on here! Was DP's birthday yesterday, so the GPs took the offspring and DP and I had a nice dinner and lots of alcohol sex fun! grin

Reply came from my cousin this morning, "Are we not getting a takeaway then?". I replied "No, the weather is supposed to be nice still so I thought it would be fun to eat outside.". "Oh ok." came her reply.

I'm really annoyed with her now. Instead of being grateful for a nice dinner, she's going to be arsey and I'll be expected to compensate for her disappointment. Grrr.

Thanks for all the support, you are all lovely and I would quite happily have you all over for dinner!

I haven't broached the subject of the lifts yet....I am still thinking how best to phrase that!

I hate to be a scroogeypants but - what will you do if it rains? You have to have a plan B that isn't a takeaway grin

Yes, fgs don't get a takeaway if it pisses it down grin

TidyDancer Wed 03-Aug-11 19:05:00

Sue, we could probably still do the barbecue, depending on the angle of the rain! We have a retractable cover (don't know if that's the right name for it!) that shields several feet of the garden, so we could conceivably have a wet weather bbq! That said, plan B would probably be DP cooking something yummy!

Good point though, because I'll have to make sure we have enough stuff in!

Doing the shopping tomorrow night, so I am taking suggestions for the menu! Normal bbq food, but I need ideas for nibbles and pudding stuff!

pigletmania Wed 03-Aug-11 19:10:52

Oh right thanks guys smile. Tidy you can remind the cheeky moo that if she wants a takeaway she can bring her own. Make sure you drink lots and don't have any money so that she has to order a taxi and pay for it herself!!

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne Wed 03-Aug-11 19:15:08

The text could be something like "Don't forget we'll be having a drink so you'll need to make sure you have enough money on you to get a taxi home."

If you think she'll deliberately forget to bring money add "It'll save you having to go via am atm on the way home as we don't tend to keep cash in the house."

KittyDeTour Wed 03-Aug-11 19:15:38

My sister is exactly the same. I understand the situation totally. With anything else, I am no pushover but to the bewilderment of my husband, she treats me like dirt constantly. Very annoying and selfish and like your cousin, she would kick off or blank me when I don't give in to demands. Case in point: At 8 months pregnant, she expected me to drive herself, her husband and 13 year old home at about 11 oclock at night from a Christmas night party. Alone. Her house was about 12 miles away and we live in a very rural area. I refused saying that I was not going to do this and actually put my foot down for once in my life. Why would I? Her response was that "you aren't drinking, you could do that", and that I was so selfish!!!!!! Then she slammed the phone down and I didn't hear from her until a week before Christmas - probably wanted the presents!!! Thank God I didn't drive her home - it was really icy and the snow was terrrible!

My friend has the same problem with her sister. What is it with female relations? And like your cousin, excuses have always been made for her. So much so it infuriates my DH!!!

Completely understand your predicament, have been there myself so many times.angry

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne Wed 03-Aug-11 19:16:28

"so won't be able to lend you any." should be added onto the end of that last bit.

KittyDeTour Wed 03-Aug-11 19:18:47

Oh and she has never offered me petrol money for the thousands of times I have driven her somewhere!!!! Expects my husband to drive even though he would like a break as he drives for a living. Her response "DH doesn't like driving"! Thank God I suppose, an accident waiting to happen that one!!!!

Oooh excuse me for venting my spleen!!!!! Very cathartic that!!!!

FabbyChic Wed 03-Aug-11 19:22:05

Jesus just tell her that you can pick her up but not take her home as you and your husband would both have been drinking.

TidyDancer Wed 03-Aug-11 19:26:36

You're most welcome to vent Kitty! Sometimes it helps just to get these things out there!

Excellent idea for the text Chaotic. I am not going to text her tonight, I'll give her until tomorrow or it will look like I'm chasing her, and I really don't want to give her the upper hand. I will text her casually tomorrow about the lift stuff, and make it seem like it was an afterthought that I just remembered to mention.

I figure that if the bigger deal I make the lift into, the more it will seem like I think I'm in the wrong, because I'll look like I'm trying to win her round, when I've got no reason to do that.

G1nger Wed 03-Aug-11 19:38:14

Tidydancer - have you thought about getting nibbles from the Chinese takeaway? ;)

Teachermumof3 Wed 03-Aug-11 19:44:42

This is another one of those 'how did that situation happen?' threads!?

She says - I want to come to your house for dinner, not meet in the park. Wouldn't you say... but you've never invited us over for dinner!?

She says- You'll be paying for a takeaway then?
Wouldn't you say-No, we're doing a BBQ. We're not paying for a takeaway as we've just had a large gas bill/credit card bill/aliens cloned my bank details.

She says-I haven't got any money for a cab, so can you collect me/take me home?
Wouldn't you say-No, we're going to get blind drunk and haven't got any money since the alien card cloning incident. We can rechedule when we've both got some money.

She sounds thoroughly unpleasant and not the sort of person I'd want to talk to all evening even if she paid for the whole takeaway and her cab fares there/back herself! Does your DH want to spend his time with her?

Honestly; if she wants a chinese-why doesn't she bloody have one tonight-tomorrow night-at HER own house?!

She's being a pain in the arse, but you are doing her no favours by enabling her to do so.

TidyDancer Wed 03-Aug-11 20:18:17

Teacher, I know, believe me, I do! It's a stupid situation and I should never have allowed myself to get sucked in the way the rest of the family do. The value of hindsight....there are probably many reasons why the dynamic is the way it is, over the years she has periodically distanced herself from the family and has got into situations that have caused concern. Why we all tolerate it now and why we pamper to her? Her DD is probably the main reason. And yes, I know, we should call her bluff, but it's hard when we are worried about her withdrawing the child from the family.

Anyway, from this thread and much much thought on the subject, I really think the best way to change things at the same time as not inducing a rift in the family, is to subtley retrain her and manage her expectations, until she is perhaps not so demanding. It might not work, but I think it's worth a shot to change things without a confrontation.

TidyDancer Wed 03-Aug-11 20:18:43

G1nger, a Chinese theme snack selection....I like it! grin

Teachermumof3 Wed 03-Aug-11 20:31:05

Good luck with that!

Just out of interest; does she have many friends? I can't imagine anybody putting up with that such an attitude of entitlement!

TidyDancer Wed 03-Aug-11 20:47:47

No she doesn't really have that many friends, which is probably not surprising. I don't think she treats them how she does family though.

Bogeyface Wed 03-Aug-11 21:48:21

Or perhaps she doesnt start out treating them like she does the family, but as she gets closer to them and more relaxed with them, she ends up treating them the same way.

An ex friend of mine was like this. I joined in with her when she was slagging off her family for being so foul to her, because to me she was kind, generous with what little she (appeared) to have, fun, funny and generally a delight to be around. Then after a couple of years she started asking for more and more favours, and giving less and less back. Money became an issue with her borrowing and never paying back, but she did appear to have less than me and I didnt mind helping her. I found out later that she acutally earned more than me! But in a friendship you dont count these things, we all have times where we take more than we give and then other times where we give more than we take, it evens out. My lightbulb moment was the time when I asked her to babysit my baby for 2 hours when she had already said that she wasnt doing anything and she refused because she said she might not want to on the day. Her exact words I forget but it was something like "I might not be bothered so its better I say no now than let you down later isnt it?"

I wasnt asking so I could go shopping or something, it was my grandads funeral and the only other people I could ask would be at the funeral. This was less than 6 weeks after I had babysat both her kids (one a baby a few weeks younger than mine) and driven her on a 60 mile round trip twice (so 120 miles for me) so she could attend her aunts funeral.

It was then that a comment made to me when I picked her up from the funeral hit home. Her own sister said to me "oh, she has got you running around after her now has she?!". She said it in a jokey way but she had obviously seen it all before. She became an ex friend after that.

pigletmania Wed 03-Aug-11 21:53:23

Still Tidy does not mean you have to be a walkover. You still have to be assertive and make it known that her behaviour will not be tolerated, it sounds as though she is using her dd as a weapon. She knows that you all love her dd, so is underhandedly using her as bait for her demands iyswim.

Curiousmama Wed 03-Aug-11 22:38:58

Bogeyface I had a friend like that too. Their loss though aye? smile

Bogeyface Wed 03-Aug-11 22:56:27

It really is! smile

Although I wonder if you have the same problem as me now. She has made me very sensitive to the giving v taking thing, in that I worry that I am being like her if I am having a bad time and am asking alot of my friends. I suppose thats good in that I never take the piss, but I did get a bollocking from my best friend very recently, for sending her flowers after she listened to me for days on end when I found out about my Hs affair. She said she didnt need flowers, just to know that I trusted her enough to talk to her was enough!

I love her! smile

Curiousmama Wed 03-Aug-11 23:05:06

No I'm fine with my friends we give and take smile Like on Monday I gave a friend highlights/lowlights, she gave me reiki and a reiki bed!!! grin I'm so happy about that in case you can't tell? wink I do reiki too and it's good for massaging.

So sorry about your situation sad It's good you have a friend you can talk to they're so precious.

Nagoo Fri 05-Aug-11 21:16:20

bumping for a nosey.

whenever you are ready OP grin

Bogeyface Fri 05-Aug-11 21:28:04

I'm not the only one hovering then...............grin

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne Fri 05-Aug-11 21:28:08

Op is probably too busy downing enough wine so that a. she doesn't have to drive and b. she's too drunk to care about relative whining about how she wanted a Chinese takeaway grin

SugarPasteFrog Fri 05-Aug-11 22:13:12

<marking place>

thenightsky Fri 05-Aug-11 22:14:11

OMG... its Friday... tonight is the night.... come on OP, update us now grin

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 22:15:39

I am here. I have wine.

It was interesting....

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 05-Aug-11 22:17:07

<grabs seat>

fivegomadindorset Fri 05-Aug-11 22:18:58

Don't have any bubble bath anyway so hanging around. Dont tease to long I need to go to bed.

thenightsky Fri 05-Aug-11 22:19:44

<<baits breath>>

BBQFrenzy Fri 05-Aug-11 22:20:15

Aw come on TidyDancer spill! Has she got a taxi home?

Come on Tidy we've been waiting all week for this.

Come on! I need to pee and if I leave the laptop DH will nick it.....

Summerbird73 Fri 05-Aug-11 22:24:10

oo hello

<waits patiently>
<come on then>

Portofino Fri 05-Aug-11 22:24:36

Ooh yes! Spill!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 05-Aug-11 22:28:32

This should be good if she's been 10 minutes typing the buger! grin

I'm betting the cousin had a hissy fit about the food and dialed for a takeway, had it delivered and insisted they pay! Or came with her own food and a receipt.

Or had a tantrum about transport and they ended up getting her a taxi!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 05-Aug-11 22:28:58

bugger, not buger

MrsBaggins Fri 05-Aug-11 22:30:59

wine anyone !grin

thenightsky Fri 05-Aug-11 22:32:17

she is gone ages coz she is running bloody cousin home I get angry

thenightsky Fri 05-Aug-11 22:32:37


MadameLupino Fri 05-Aug-11 22:39:11



Sewmuchtodo Fri 05-Aug-11 22:42:37

Oh I so want to know how it went but so sleepy!

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 22:44:06

Okay here goes.

I picked her up at six this evening and she was quiet, to say the least. DP took DD to my mum's while I did the pick up, so I had DS with me, who was thrilled to see cousin's DD (and she was thrilled to see him!). They were chinwagging in the back of the car within moments, so all was well there.

Cousin got in front seat and said hello, half smiled. Halfway through the journey, her DD piped up "What are we having for dinner?". My cousin eyeballed her from the front, I don't know what she'd said to her DD, but she obviously didn't want her expanding on the question. I told her we were having a barbecue. Reply was "Oh". Like mother like daughter, clearly! The weather wasn't as great here as it has been, but it was warmish and dry, so we went ahead.

And here's where, dear MNers, you will be awfully proud of me.

When we got home, myself, DS, cousin and cousin's DD were confronted with an array of nibbles that would make any MNer proud. I had pineapple (from a tin) and cheese (value block) on cocktail sticks, a selection of sugary goodness in the form of every kind of chocolate I could get in the pick and mix [bad mother emoticon], various fruits (sorry, I couldn't find a durian fruit anywhere! I really tried, but I got a wide selection of other fruits that I did no preparation for, so it was basically about 10 different fruits sitting on a serving tray grin), party rings and other assorted classic party favourites! I thought I could sufficiently confuse her enough to diffuse the atmosphere of awkwardness. She was confused, but didn't really question it. I did talk about durian fruit though, she had no idea what it was, as DP and I sniggered away in the garden! grin

To cut a long story short, she made conversation occasionally, turned my TV on without asking and sat in front of it most of the evening. DP and I were outside with the barbecue and the children and there was a distinct lack of drama! We wouldn't have missed her tbh. No BIL either, though he did ring for an update part way through the evening!

Re the transport home situation, she got a taxi and she paid for it! Success! When it got to the point when she really both DP and I had had too much to drink (about half an hour before I came on here), she asked me to call her a taxi. I handed her a few cards and went straight to the bathroom to avoid her. By the time I got down, she had got DP to call the taxi for her and was standing expentantly by the hallway, gesturing for her DD to get ready to leave. She was tired, the poor lamb, but it's the holidays, and she'd had a fantastic time playing with DS! The taxi bibbed from outside and she actually asked for money! Something along the lines of "Have you got any change? I don't have anything.". I told her we had nothing in the house (thanks, though of you who suggested we actually didn't have anything, made sure to have nothing but the copper coin jar), and didn't she have any money at all? She ummed and ahhed for a few seconds, and then said "I suppose so.", and walked out the door, without saying thank you. I kid you not. I heard her say "We're getting a takeaway tomorrow, DD". So much for not being able to afford it then!

She certainly lived up to her rudeness, but it was decidedly less exciting than I think you were all expecting. I hope you're proud of me for not doing two lifts and not ordering a takeaway or giving her money!

auntmargaret Fri 05-Aug-11 22:44:59

I also have wine. Please tell.

MadameLupino Fri 05-Aug-11 22:46:09

Never invite her again, for the love of cheeses. You must figure out a way to have the DD on her own.

Well done you though grin. Was it prickly awkward?

superjobee Fri 05-Aug-11 22:47:44

grin well done!!

thenightsky Fri 05-Aug-11 22:48:03

Result! you did no lifts at all and served no takeway at all.. 100% win.

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 22:48:44

Yes, awkward is certainly one way to put it! DP won't have her over for dinner again, so it took the decision out of my hands, even though I'm certain I would've made the same one.

It got to about 8:30 and the wine took over and I didn't care if it was awkward or not! Stayed sober enough to put DS to bed (well, DP carried him up, he fell asleep on the sofa!), then got another bottle out and am currently working my way through it.

I forgot to say, I lined the fruit up in size order. DP wanted to draw faces on them, I thought that might be a step too far!

TheOriginalFAB Fri 05-Aug-11 22:48:50

OMG. I almost feel sorry for her. She must lead a sad life.

All her own doing though!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 05-Aug-11 22:49:26

Well done. She's learned something, perhaps.

And I doubt she'll be complaining she never gets to come to your house again grin

CurrySpice Fri 05-Aug-11 22:49:38

Fuck me she's rude!! shock

Well done Tidy! Do you feel liberated??

auntmargaret Fri 05-Aug-11 22:49:56

Good for you. Drinks all round

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 22:50:17

I sometimes feel sorry for her too FAB, but I'm trying hard not to, because it's that that contributes majorly to what we put up with from her.

MadameLupino Fri 05-Aug-11 22:50:23

Yay for DP. And yay for fruit lining grin

Teachermumof3 Fri 05-Aug-11 22:50:41

What a horrible woman!

Honestly though; what are her good traits, I've seen none!

That's probably the last you'll see of her for a while. Perhaps you could arrange to take her DD out for a day every now and then so that she doesn't lose out on her mother' odd social skills (or lack of them).

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 22:51:30

I do feel a bit liberated Curry! I served her a lovely dinner and she still behaved like that. I could do nothing else for her, gave her DD a lovely evening if nothing else. She can't legitimately moan about me, can she?

squeezemebakingpowder Fri 05-Aug-11 22:51:42

Yay, you did good Tidy grin
Loving the fact she asked for money and you said 'no'!
Her rudeness knows no bounds, however maybe your standing up to her has made her think.
(Although I very much doubt it)sad

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 22:53:24

I will let the dust settle from tonight and I will offer to take her DD out. I feel bad that she is the way she is, but this thread has done wonders for my way of viewing her. I need to be a little bit selfish here, for everyone's sakes.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Fri 05-Aug-11 22:54:37

Well done op, how long do you think it will be before you get a call from someone in the family? grin

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 22:55:20

Oh I'm certain I'll be the bad guy, though hopefully she will actually see how nice we were to her if she actually does try to moan. I mean really, what's she going to say?

"Oh, Tidy's so horrible, she invited me round, picked me up, gave me a nice dinner and entertained my DD for a few hours, she's so mean to me."

She can't moan. She will sound like a spoiled brat.

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 22:57:54

My guess is there will be a passive aggressive comment on Facebook before the night is up! The family might mention something over the next few days, but I do wonder if she'll even mention it to people who know both of us. If I'd cancelled on her, she would've moaned about that, I'm sure. I gave her a nice dinner, it's her fault if she chose not to enjoy the evening. Though she sat watching the soaps most of the time, so it's not like we disturbed her and forced her to join in the merriment.

DP played more on the trampoline than the DCs. hmm grin

No Tidy please don't feel sorry for her!

You've done her and her daughter a massive favour by not treating her like an overgrown child. I'm especially impressed you managed to stand your ground re the taxi fare. I just knew she was going to ask you for money.

Hopefully she's had such a terrible evening she won't invite herself again. It shouldn't mean you have to stop having her DD over though.

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 05-Aug-11 23:02:14

I am not getting the significance of the fruit being lined up in size order confusedgrin.

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 23:02:29

Thanks scarlet! DD won't be back home until about midday and DS is a good sleeper, so I can have a little bit of a late one tonight! Enjoying the wine I have to say!

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 23:03:42

That was the point of it FAB, it has no meaning. grin

I just wanted to create a random selection of snacks! It went from melon all the way down to peach.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 05-Aug-11 23:08:25


pigletmania Fri 05-Aug-11 23:14:34

We are proud Tidy what a rude woman! Don't invite her again, somehow I don't think that she would want to grin. You need to stick up to her.

FannyFifer Fri 05-Aug-11 23:15:35

For some reason the sheer randomness of the fruit selection is making me giggle. grin

Summerbird73 Fri 05-Aug-11 23:20:42

well done - and yes an uneventful evening however not so as you got your point across - loud and clear

brilliant! <makes mental note to do this with toxic sister>

auntmargaret Fri 05-Aug-11 23:24:06

I have a cousin like this. We were hugely close as children ,til she mashed my heart out. We then ended up having dds of similiar ages. I always knew she was tbh trash, and I always knew that there was a chance that sometime, her DD would hurt my DD. I waited til the first seeds of that were sown, then I picked up DD and ran for the hills. DD still asks for her "cousin" but easy enough to distract her (she is 8). Don`t regret it for a moment. Protect what`s yours and show them the way. If she doesnt meet your standards, why on earth would she be good enough for your DC?

Curiousmama Fri 05-Aug-11 23:28:40

grin at fruit

Well done am ever so proud of you. God she's such a pain it's unreal!! Her poor dd. Just hope you can steal the dd away from her selfish clutches sometime soon?

pigletmania Fri 05-Aug-11 23:30:09

Don't feel sorry for her, why!!!! For being such an ungrateful, rude, horrid woman. No you did good, hopefully this has helped you to be far more assertive in the future. You picked her up, you have her and her dd a lovely evening, good food and entertainment, what more could one want. I feel better that I was assertive to my sister who was rather like this.

QuintessentialShadow Fri 05-Aug-11 23:30:31

But, did you offer pom-bears ??

I think I adore you. grin

Bohica Fri 05-Aug-11 23:31:51

I've just read the whole thread.
Well done Tidy You sound like a lovely person & I'm sure if children wern't involved you would ind the good grace to tell her to fuck off grin

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 23:36:38

Awww thanks, all of you!

She is a huge pain, but I don't think I did anything bad tonight. I made a stand and I think she probably knows that, even if she doesn't get why I did it. She won't pull her DD away over this. If I thought she would for even a moment, I wouldn't have done it. But other than the random food stuffs, I actually did nothing wrong. I went out of my way to pick her up tonight, did not ask her to pay for any food or drink and let her have a few hours peace while her DD played with DS. I would be grateful for that if someone offered it to me.

TidyDancer Fri 05-Aug-11 23:40:16

I considered the pom-bears! I even tried to get the elusive cheese and onion ones this week! I got those little cheese things that are shaped like playing cards though. When I was a kid, those were sophisticated, don't you know!

ZillionChocolate Fri 05-Aug-11 23:52:59

I'd just have her DD over in future, maybe for sleepovers. No point feeding an adult who doesn't contribute. Well done for being brave!

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Sat 06-Aug-11 07:12:54

I'm site shell find a way grin very rude though to sit watching telly all night whilst you were all outside.

lilmissminx Sat 06-Aug-11 09:15:20

Well done Tidy <clapping> You are doing her a massive favour, as she needs to learn before her daughter learns this behaviour. Your family know full well what she is like, and I'm sure none of them want her DD to go the same way. SHe must have some recognition of her own behaviour, to have warned her daughter at the mention of dinner.


Oh well played, TidyDancer! Sounds like your family should have started treating your cousin like a normal human being years ago and not indulging her. How rude she is.

G1nger Sat 06-Aug-11 09:58:50

Well done, Tidydancer. smile

InTheNightKitchen Sat 06-Aug-11 10:00:24

You are awesome OP.

puzzlesum Sat 06-Aug-11 10:08:37

Well done, Tidy. I don't think you could have done better if you could have found any durian fruit to serve wink

Excellently handled on the taxi front as well, what a bloody nerve.

erynsmum Sat 06-Aug-11 10:27:54

Nice one Columbia! I would do exactly that!

I have a SIL like this and she gets away with allsorts! I won't stand for it though smile

Dylthan Sat 06-Aug-11 10:32:22

Just pure brilliance grin

SugarPasteFrog Sat 06-Aug-11 11:16:13

Well played!

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne Sat 06-Aug-11 13:09:21

grin Well done you grin

I love the fruit idea, the very fact that there was no meaning behind it is what makes it so brilliant.

You've probably done her a favour in the long run. Hopefully it'll make her think in future. At the very least she'll know she can't continue to be so rude to you.

TidyDancer Sat 06-Aug-11 15:17:13

Thank you all, I love you very much!

I don't regret a thing this morning. I haven't heard from her, although as predicted, there was a Facebook status this morning...."pissed off". Can't prove it was directed at me, but I know and I don't care anyway!

I feel much better about things now, maybe she won't be quite so childish with me in the future. We'll see!

Am very happy I entertained you lot, I was worried you'd be disappointed at the lack of manky fanjos! grin

LadyGrace Sat 06-Aug-11 15:39:48

grin round of applause for TidyDancer! And congrats on stroke of genius that was arranging fruit in size order grin

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sat 06-Aug-11 15:55:02

<<applauds enthusiastically>>


<<shouts 'Encore'>> grin

pigletmania Sat 06-Aug-11 16:08:02

My goodness pissed off at what exactly! I would ask her on her FB. What for you giving her and her dd a lovely time, feeding and entertaining them. Some people eh, the mentality of them. At least you stuck up to her and she knows that she cannot take advantage of you.

pigletmania Sat 06-Aug-11 16:08:43

BTW what did you have for BBQ per chance smile

Collision Sat 06-Aug-11 16:14:22

Brilliant thread!

I do love an update too. grin

I would say on Facebook...'oh why are you pissed off? What's happened since you left us last night? ]shock]'

Collision Sat 06-Aug-11 16:14:34


pigletmania Sat 06-Aug-11 16:16:17

Ooooh thats a good way to put it collision grin

belledechocchipcookie Sat 06-Aug-11 16:16:35

Your FB update should be 'pissed off that my guest sat in front of the TV all evening instead of joining us outside for a BBQ.'

pigletmania Sat 06-Aug-11 16:16:47

Pissed off because you did not give in to her and her stupid demands

TidyDancer Sat 06-Aug-11 16:23:03

Ooh Collision! That's a good idea! It could read as genuine concern as well! Excellent!

I know though, she's got no reason to be pissed off with me, she just doesn't like that she didn't get her own way. I don't care, really. I gave her nice food, looked after her DD and offered copious amounts of wine!

BBQ food was part vegetarian and part meat. We have quite a big BBQ so were able to do both on different levels of it. She ate plenty of food, but didn't really thank us for that either.

I wouldn't believe there were people like her if I wasn't related to her.

Fruit is still lined up btw. DS was thrilled when he woke up and saw it still there. grin

empirestateofmind Sat 06-Aug-11 16:23:58

Great thread. Well done Tidy and thanks for updating. You even predicted the sarcastic FB update <impressed>.

TidyDancer Sat 06-Aug-11 16:27:32

That wasn't as clever as it probably seems empire, she's prone to dramatic outbursts on there, I knew she wouldn't be able to resist this. She's even admitted she's done it in the past to see what kind of a reaction she will get from people. It's just so daft, what does she really think she'll achieve from it?!

hiddenhome Sat 06-Aug-11 16:28:59

It is totally weird that she's fixated over food so much. If somebody offered me over for dinner I'd be perfectly happy with whatever they were preparing. She's totally spoilt and selfish. You did well Tidy grin

pigletmania Sat 06-Aug-11 16:39:22

Oh that sounds lush tidy I could smell next doors barbie last night

SugarPasteFrog Sat 06-Aug-11 17:21:30

oooh, I would SO put a nice little passive aggressive 'Oh no! What's happened love?' comment on her status!

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Sat 06-Aug-11 17:25:58

I'd be soooo tempted to reply saying something like get yourself a takeaway tonight to cheer yourself up grin

pigletmania Sat 06-Aug-11 17:47:11

ooooh loveBeing you are so mean evil grin

YouDoTheMath Sat 06-Aug-11 18:10:00

She might have put her status up to see what reaction she gets from YOU, Tidy, seeing as she does it for that purpose on occasion. What do you reckon she'd say if you ask why she's PO'd?

Curiousmama Sat 06-Aug-11 18:21:51

I'd ignore the childish cow her on FB tbh but am sure you will anyway. Although do like the get yourself a takeaway bit grin So onn second thoughts please do that and update wink

belledechocchipcookie Sat 06-Aug-11 18:25:47

Couldn't you say 'I'm really looking forward to the takeaway we're having this evening' ?grin

G1nger Sat 06-Aug-11 18:33:16

I hate attention seeking Facebook updates like that.

Curiousmama Sat 06-Aug-11 18:38:22

grin yes that would do too Belled

Sewmuchtodo Sat 06-Aug-11 18:38:27

I wish FB had the general rule of 'if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!'

So glad you stuck it out, well done!!! :-)

belledechocchipcookie Sat 06-Aug-11 18:39:42

Sorry Curiousmama, that was an x-post. grin

puzzlesum Sat 06-Aug-11 18:41:11

Personally I would simply say on FB "Tiny had a lovely time last night with [cousin] and her dd, fab barbecue and fun all round!". Moral high ground yet still putting the boot in - ker-ching. wink (NB not that I approve of game-playing-via-status-updates-on-Facebook, obviously).

Teachermumof3 Sat 06-Aug-11 19:07:36

Couldn't you say 'I'm really looking forward to the takeaway we're having this evening' ?grin


QuintessentialShadow Mon 08-Aug-11 09:39:25

Oh, do put it the way Collision suggests.
Then in a day or two, your update "Lovely chinese takeaway tonight."

Caitycat Sun 21-Apr-13 13:01:39


LisaMed Sun 21-Apr-13 13:46:59

Damn, just read all this to find it was a zombie thread with the post B which is probably the cousin realising how mocked she has been.

TidyDancer Sun 21-Apr-13 14:10:43

OP here. smile

Lisa, I think it's because another MNer asked me about it on another thread so a few people have read it today. The B was probably an error or a bump, not sure.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sun 21-Apr-13 14:13:31

This thread has cheered me up immensely. I know it was over two years ago, but thank you OP. Truly. thanks

LisaMed what do you mean by the post B? confused

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sun 21-Apr-13 14:14:14

Cross post, sorry TidyDancer blush

Oh, I got all excited thinking it was a work in progress then wink It was still brilliant though and I didn't have to wait to see what happened! grin

Tidy, did you respond to her on FB that morning?

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sun 21-Apr-13 14:35:29

Ive just read this thread. I know it was years ago, but I want a recent update. Is cousin still so self entitled? Have you had her over? Was there any 'family drama' re no takeaway?


Sadly, I have someone like this in our family. It is so hard - we (DH & I) now have a strategy for this. We were ending paying for them every single time!

TidyDancer Sun 21-Apr-13 14:39:02

No I don't think I did. She's a lover of the PA Facebook updates, but fortunately I'm not! I'm sure her friends replied with "what's up hun?" type things though!

MissLurkalot Sun 21-Apr-13 14:44:10

Great read, thanks OP! Nicely handled too..x

GingerBlondecat Sun 21-Apr-13 15:31:11

One of the Best Zombie threads I have read. Goodonya Tidy grin

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 21-Apr-13 15:33:15

I really enjoyed reading this thread.

Shelly32 Sun 21-Apr-13 15:44:53

This is the 'best' of MUMSNET. Honest and supportive answers AND an update!! Tidy well done for standing up for yourself. Brilliant thread!

Shelly32 Sun 21-Apr-13 15:45:28

What's a zombie thread btw??

Me too. Sad the bil tattoo one disappeared though!

TidyDancer Sun 21-Apr-13 15:48:45

Thank you muchly, all of you. I suspect I may have caved without support, so I'm very grateful. smile

TidyDancer Sun 21-Apr-13 15:51:12

Oh, on the BIL issue, the dopey sod is off to Germany for a stag do later in the summer so there may well be something that happens there!

(BIL's tattoo has a very poor German translation of a Shakespeare quote. Along with the hairy skull....)

fuzzpig Sun 21-Apr-13 16:16:56

Sorry it's my fault this has been dragged up blush thanks for the link tidy! It's been a great read, from frustration to elation grin. The lined up fruit is pure class. I hope she is less of a selfish madam now.

Shelly - a zombie thread is a really old thread that has been posted on again after several years (possibly because they searched it and didn't realise it wasn't a current thread, and it goes back onto Active Convos so other people get similarly fooled.

GoSuckEggs Tue 23-Apr-13 22:57:28


Caitycat Wed 24-Apr-13 09:55:10

Sorry about the B only realised it had happened when I saw this thread in I'm on and didn't remember posting! I think I have dd to thank for that - I'm glad it hasn't caused the irritation that most zombie threads do!

manticlimactic Wed 24-Apr-13 10:50:19

I'm disappointed the tattoo thread has gone sad

AmberSocks Wed 24-Apr-13 11:04:49

she sounds horrible and you sound like a doormat-who just lets people talk to them like that?grow a pair (i mean that in the nicest way possible)

YouTheCat Wed 24-Apr-13 11:43:42

So, OP, has she been asked back to dinner in the last 2 years? grin

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 24-Apr-13 11:52:16

oh god yes. How have things been between you since that wonderful evening? grin

SixPackWellies Sun 21-Jul-13 14:55:53

Gosh I recall this thread like it just happened! (I seriously need to rethink the amount of time I give to MN!) That was one of my fave threads though!! smile

It is funny, because a friend of mine has a cousin who sounds eerily similar.

SixPackWellies Sun 21-Jul-13 14:56:10

Updates on your relationship definitely required!

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 17:13:01
MissStrawberry Sun 21-Jul-13 17:30:16

AmberSocks - have you read the whole thread? You are very rude.

helenthemadex Sun 21-Jul-13 17:57:29

love the fruit thing so funny

needaholidaynow Sun 21-Jul-13 18:21:47

So basically, she's inviting herself round for a takeaway that you have to pay for?

Surely the norm is, "Oh do you fancy coming round here one night and I'll treat you to a takeaway?"

And not "Can I come to yours one night and you can buy me a takeaway?"

The cheek!

needaholidaynow Sun 21-Jul-13 18:23:38

Just realised that this is indeed an old thread. blush

98percentchocolate Sun 21-Jul-13 22:10:00

Best zombie thread ever grin

youarewinning Mon 22-Jul-13 20:55:26

Came here via the wedding thread and past BILs tattoo. grin

tidy you have made my day after its been shit

BooMeowson Tue 23-Jul-13 19:42:25

I love how she arrived and was so grumpy not to have a chinese she watched TV all evening!! grin Great thread!!

DameDeepRedBetty Sun 06-Oct-13 12:23:40

Tidy do you have the record for most OPs in Classics?

And any update on Gluezilla?

DameDeepRedBetty Sun 06-Oct-13 12:24:46

blush sorry it's not in Classics... just OUGHT to be ...

vincettenoir Sun 06-Oct-13 22:21:50

She seems very unreasonable. But tbh I think you perhaps made a mistake in engaging with her on what you would be having knowing what she is like. That way there would have been no opportunity for all this back and forth nonsense about oven chips and takeaway chips. When people come round my house for dinner they don't get to approve the menu beforehand and when I go visit others I don't know what they are going to be cooking me beforehand.

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