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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
QOD · 21/07/2013 16:22

I'm speechless

And marking my spot

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 16:23

Re my cousin, I don't speak to her anymore. I'm not sure if she's noticed or not though. There would've been nastiness and hysterics if I'd actually said "I'm not speaking to you anymore" so I have pulled away from her slowly.

Still nothing from bridezilla!

OP posts:
DuchessFanny · 21/07/2013 16:34

She's probably just had the penny drop and realised how unreasonable and rude she is

Ezio · 21/07/2013 16:38

Tidy, your cousin was a bully, and your friend wow, with friends like that who needs enemies.

lottieandmia · 21/07/2013 16:46
Shock

What is with all these nasty bridezillas people have been posting about recently?

There is absolutely no way I would help. If I was not enough of a friend to be invited then why should I give up my precious time for someone who considers me an acquaintance?

SauvignonBlanche · 21/07/2013 16:47

Glad your cousin isn't coming over for dinner anymore! Grin

nkf · 21/07/2013 16:53

If you help out, you will feel resentful. Anyone would. So, it's finding the right wording. I don't think I would reference the STD bad behaviour. I think it's better to be straight about things. I'd just say I couldn't. I wouldn't offer a reason why. Just I'm not available.

RussianBlu · 21/07/2013 16:57

I am enjoying this thread so much I haven't even felt the need to turn the t.v on. Can I have her phone number to find out why she hasn't replied yet??? How dare she keep everyone waiting like this!

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 16:59

Tbf, I did leave it overnight to reply to her, so she may well be doing the same courtesy in return!

I promise I will update when she replies!

OP posts:
Ezio · 21/07/2013 17:03

Or she might not reply at all.

Justforlaughs · 21/07/2013 17:06

Now I understand why the takeaway thread has suddenly appeared, I read it and was about to comment before realising that it was a really old thread that had revived and that there was no point in commenting! Grin
I'd love to know what your exfriend replies over this one.

onedev · 21/07/2013 17:16

Some people are unbelievable - that is just shocking treatment of anyone!! I doubt she'll reply to the email though!

SueDoku · 21/07/2013 17:19

You couldn't contact all the other non-invitees and have a special get-together of your own on that date could you..?? After all, you should all be free... Grin

Sleep404 · 21/07/2013 17:27

Tell her you are washing your hair. Maybe next time.

OhTheConfusion · 21/07/2013 17:27

Oh the takeaway thread... that takes me back to being heavily pregnant and feeling quite put out on your behalf Blush.

Januarymadness · 21/07/2013 17:29

See my actual ceremony was v limited due to the size of the venue. It was v close family and 4 friends only. I truely wish I could have invited more but that was the size of the refistry office and dh and I have large nos of close family.

After the wedding though it was a free for all. I probably would have invited you if I met you in sainsburys and you seemed nice...

I really dont get all of this maybe I will invite you maybe I wont.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 21/07/2013 17:32

Blatantly marking spot for updates, what is going on with all these crazy brides at the moment?!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 21/07/2013 17:34

Can we please not shorten Save The Day to STD, I am of an age when that meant something completely different! Grin

Smoolett · 21/07/2013 17:36

I actually can't believe someone would do this! Cheeky mare!
Especially to say is a surprise for her wedding guests, how about frig off.

TedMoseby · 21/07/2013 17:41

Ha! The first part of this happened to me. Very close friends of my DP who I have known for years, socialised with and considered my friends too. Got a save the date for DP+ TedMoseby so got all excited. Wedding invite turns up months later addressed only to DP. One menu choice card inside.

The horrible bride had done this to a few well-established couples and had also cut out some of the grooms friends (inviting everyone in a small group of his friends except one, who he had lived with too). Created a lot of bad tension, particilarly as wedding is in middle of nowhere in Scotland and people had budgeted based on 2 sharing a room.

Bride is a bitch though.

AntoinetteCosway · 21/07/2013 17:41

I am Shock at the bridezilla threads recently! This one takes the biscuit.

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/07/2013 17:42

Whenever I feel bad about standing up for myself I tell myself I'd rather be a bitch than a doormat and I feel better about it.

What a cheeky mare, why on earth would anyone want to decorate a wedding venue then fuck off home because they aren't worthy of an invite to the actual ceremony?.

WaitMonkey · 21/07/2013 18:19

I loved the takeaway thread. Grin

fryingpantoface · 21/07/2013 18:20

I can't wait for the update :D

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 21/07/2013 18:21

I remember the takeaway one, op you have very interesting friends and family

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