Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little bit pleased about what has happened to the OW?

224 replies

drfayray · 06/07/2013 14:58

My ex left me after 24 years for this woman who got him interested in kayaking. He spent a fortune on gear and cheated on me for nearly a year on this Kayaking Kunt (KK) as she was known to me. Grin

I am now divorced and trying to live as good a life as I can with my 2 DC.

I have just found out that the KK has extensive nerve damage to both her arms and hands... Caused by kayaking...

Karma is REAL!

OP posts:
Drunkendiva1 · 07/07/2013 15:10

FFS Hmm the virtuous are out in force...

OP YABU but I completely understand why.

TheMoonOnAStick · 07/07/2013 15:16

Agree.

We all know how we're supposed to behave, but honestly being human and after 24 years, who wouldn't allow at least a quiet wry smile?

Well plenty here it seems

KevinFoley · 07/07/2013 15:20

After 24 years I'd have wrapped his bloody Kayak around his neck.

fedupofnamechanging · 07/07/2013 15:34

Despite my name, I don't really believe in karma. Although I do think that people who behave badly are less likely to end up happy and loved because eventually people cotton on to their true nature!

OP, yadnbu - kk is a skank and if something bad is going to happen to anyone in life, then it's good that it happened to her, rather than some lovely person who has never harmed anyone else.

I'd have laughed my arsenal off and I don't care if that makes me a bitch - rather that than insufferably smug like some posters on this thread.

RabbitFromAHat · 07/07/2013 15:42

Being angry is understandable. Having a fleeting bad thought about someone who contributed to the end of your marriage (although it was of course your husband's actual fault, not hers) is understandable.

However, a relationship ending does not actually 'ruin your life'. Disability does. YABVU.

GettingVerySleepy · 07/07/2013 16:15

FFS the virtuous are out in force...

But the funny thing is they're not actually being virtuous at all as they're trying to shame the OP for her very natural and understandable feelings.

If it had been my husband I would have shoved their kayaks up their arses myself!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 07/07/2013 16:37

How I feel about the OW 's pain Sad it is horrible and debilitating. I wouldn't gloat.

How I feel about the OP's pain at cheating H when it all came out Sad and let's not forget the impact on their DCs too.

How I feel about OP not allowed to have some tiny sense of karmic justice being delivered to OW Confused. OP has seen her life trashed and rebuilt it over many weeks. Walk a mile in her shoes first.

gordyslovesheep · 07/07/2013 16:44

I have - still wouldn't wish pan on the OW ...anyway she has a life time with my ex which is punishment enough Grin

Cherriesarelovely · 07/07/2013 16:54

Don't blame you OP, to have a little gloat. It is not nice at all being cheated on and deceived, sounds as if you had a bloody awful time at the hands of these two. It wasn't JUST the fault of your Dh, I don't agree with that logic at all. He had the main responsibility to you but she was a grown woman who knew he was married and colluded with him.

I honestly wouldn't let it last too long though. I held bitterness against my ex for a while but years late I don't and think that people who stay bitter for years on end only ruin their own lives.

I don't believe in karma at all. Wonderful, kind, honest people get ill and have horrible things happen to them all the time and vice versa. There is no "justice" in that way as far as I can see. I agree with Karma believer though, people who behave like that without remorse or compassion are likely to have less fulfillling relationships in the long run I think.

Jan49 · 07/07/2013 17:29

However, a relationship ending does not actually 'ruin your life'. Disability does.

That's a massive generalisation, Rabbitfromahat. My own experience is that it's the other way around. Do you honestly think anyone who is or becomes disabled has had their life ruined? Or that all people whose relationships end go on to find happiness?

superstarheartbreaker · 07/07/2013 18:19

Jan49...in the grand scheme of things disability is FAR more life changing than a partner leaving which can happen at any given time. However op, I don't blame you for feeling that justice has been done.

edam · 07/07/2013 18:31

I dunno, depends on the individual and the disability. I developed a chronic medical condition that could allow me to define myself as disabled if I wished (I don't). Was awful at the time when it happened, now I live with it without too much trouble (thanks to medication). Think it would be worse if dh left me after 24 years together, especially as we have ds. If he left me and then he or the other woman suffered some misfortune, I'm sure I'd gloat.

RabbitFromAHat · 07/07/2013 18:32

Actually that is a fair point, Jan, I take it back, disability doesn't always to be the 'end' of things, it's probably a bit insulting of me to be quite that blunt about it.

However, I genuinely have never met anyone who hasn't, with time, recovered from the ending of a relationship. I have, however, met a lot of people whose lives are filled daily with pain and struggling that will never end, because their health problems cannot be resolved.

edam · 07/07/2013 18:35

My Mother is still bitter about my Father. 34 years after they divorced. She's now disabled as well, don't fancy my chances if I ask her which is worse!

edam · 07/07/2013 18:36

(Mind you, she's mostly bitter about my Father because he still has the power to hurt my sister so it's current in some respects. Still has the power to hurt me too but less so, thanks to counselling, and the twat chooses my sister as his target, not me, most of the time.)

soverylucky · 07/07/2013 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBetseyTrotwood · 07/07/2013 19:45

Really honestly thinking myself into your shoes OP, I would feel the same way. I am a bitter, long memoried grudge holder.

However, nothing good's ever come out of it. The temporary pleasure of a bit of schadenfreude perhaps but that's all.

So I'd say YANBU, as how you feel is understandable, if unpleasant. But move on fast or it'll bring you down too.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 07/07/2013 19:53

YANBU
I'd be hoping that her fanny healed up and her tits dropped off Grin

IneedAyoniNickname · 07/07/2013 20:03

I'd be (momentarily) feeling the same, but ultimately I wouldn't wish ill on my worst enemy (ok too bloody nice me)

Also don't believe in karma, because if its real why do I get so much shit?

Mimishimi · 07/07/2013 21:16

I didn't mean to sound holier than thou. Some satisfaction can be completely understood. Actually if it were me, I might be tempted to casually mention to the ex "Oh, it was only meant to be a but of fun. I didn't think s

Mimishimi · 07/07/2013 21:20

I didn't mean to sound holier than thou. Some satisfaction can be completely understood. Actually if it were me, I might be very tempted to casually mention to the ex "Oh, it was only meant to be a but of fun. I didn't think something would really come from sticking those little pins into that doll". In reality though, I don't think I'd be overjoyed that she had hurt herself . No sending 'get well' cards or anything but just try to ignore it. I'd actually be holding my breath to see if the ex deserted her at the first sign of hardship.

ITCouldBeWorse · 07/07/2013 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frumpet · 07/07/2013 22:09

Honestly? if i were you , then i would have probably let out a gigantic HA! followed up with a few titters and guffaws and then been overcome with guilt for being mean . The guilt would kick in because you and I are not white water husband stealing cowbags Grin

JackNoneReacher · 07/07/2013 22:25

Put it this way, I think he would be much more deserving of the nerve damage...

What with him being the one who lied to you, broke his promises and cheated (for a year Shock)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page