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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little bit pleased about what has happened to the OW?

224 replies

drfayray · 06/07/2013 14:58

My ex left me after 24 years for this woman who got him interested in kayaking. He spent a fortune on gear and cheated on me for nearly a year on this Kayaking Kunt (KK) as she was known to me. Grin

I am now divorced and trying to live as good a life as I can with my 2 DC.

I have just found out that the KK has extensive nerve damage to both her arms and hands... Caused by kayaking...

Karma is REAL!

OP posts:
comingintomyown · 07/07/2013 07:19

YANBU

Its nothing to do with being bitter , I would be interested to know how many posters wrinkling their noses with distaste at her attitude have any actual experience themselves of being dumped for an OW

Burmobasher · 07/07/2013 07:35

Oh do bore off all those posters with the holier than thou attitudes. Yes, the exdh should shoulder the majority of the responsibility but the ow had her part to play in destroying the ops marriage.
It's not like the op cast a spell on her or went round there with a baseball bat. She just had a ha ha moment. And for those with the 'no wonder he left you' attitude, wow just speechless
Yanbu

Nombrechanger · 07/07/2013 07:37

I would probably feel a little bit happy at first but then that would soon wear off as I wouldn't wish disability on anyone.

You're a very pretty lady with beautiful kids so you don't need to keep living in the past when you have each other (and good looks!).

Sister77 · 07/07/2013 07:50

YANBU. Good. I don't come on mumsnet very often, I am a lurker but all the posters who wish the ow a happy new life are better people than i can ever hope to be, And yes your ex deserves something equally as bad. If not worse. That might make me a bad evil psychotic person(sorry, bitch) but tough titties......

Sister77 · 07/07/2013 07:51

And I agree with pp, it's a shame it's not worse.

SigmundFraude · 07/07/2013 08:32

'Do elaborate, Jan? Why does the OW carry the blame?'

As I know a few OW, I can confidently state that the relentless pursuit of married men by these individuals would indicate to me some great degree of blame, although perhaps not all. It's laughable to even think of defending them.

My life was rendered utterly, unfathomably shit for a very long time by the OM my mother chose to fuck, would someone like to explain to me why my mother should own the majority of the blame, as she was married? Of course she owns a little, but OM was relentless and predatory.

TartinaTiara · 07/07/2013 09:42

CajunCooking you made me laugh and I think I love you. Not enough to have an affair with, mind, even though I'd be breaking no vows or promises...

TiggyD · 07/07/2013 10:59

Good job she's got somebody who loves her to look after her then.

Wossname · 07/07/2013 11:02

Fucking yuck at all the spiteful responses.

PRwench · 07/07/2013 11:21

YANBU! One person can't start an affair, yes. But BOTH PARTIES are just as complicit as the other in their complete disregard for another human being. I imagine their affair put you through hell and now you're out the other side, you're best rid of your cheating husband. But of course, you will feel happy that the karmic bus has hurt someone who had such disregard for you.

I wonder how bad the damage is. Can she still wipe her own bum, I wonder? That would take the spice out of any new relationship pretty fast...

ElectricSheep · 07/07/2013 11:23

YANBU

PRwench · 07/07/2013 11:24

Very surprised at the people defending the other woman! Wow. OP has a fleeting thought about the person who probably represents a world of pain to her, posts about it yet is met with responses about how awful she is for still having anger and hurt over it?!

Jeepers.

EarlyInTheMorning · 07/07/2013 11:38

I think it is quite a natural thought to have despite what others are saying, so YANBU. I would prefer to feel completely indifferent about the whole thing though. Move on and all that.

Mimishimi · 07/07/2013 11:48

I think it's pretty nasty to be happy that she's badly hurt to be honest.

GoshAnneGorilla · 07/07/2013 11:51

YANBU

I'm sure the OP isn't sat in her house like Miss Havisham, consumed with bitterness. She just heard some news about someone who had screwed her over (bollocks to the idea that OW are some lily white innocent party)and her reaction was to be pleased.

All perfectly understandable. What is not so understandable is the YABUing and added knife twisting that some are going in for on here.

LEMisdisappointed · 07/07/2013 11:57

Gosh - i wouldn't want to feel happy that this had happened to anyone "wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and all that" but if that someone had caused me (along wiht bastard XH of course) a great deal of pain then I would probably feel the same way you do. You can't help what you feel. I would not expect people to be saying "yay, go sista" though.

I have to say, you are beautiful and have very beautiful children. I actually preferred your older picture though because you were smiling.

lubeybooby · 07/07/2013 12:00

Having followed your threads before, I think the woman did you a massive favour as you have really blossomed and improved your life so much since it all kicked off.

I wouldn't take any pleasure from that. The poor thing has to suffer your ex, that's quite enough punishment eh... and he'll probably do the same to her (cheat)

Birdsgottafly · 07/07/2013 12:12

"In saying that, there's no such thing as karma"

Karma isn't having bad things happen to people who have done wrong things.

It is the negative energy/thoughts that we feel. deeds that we carry out, being released into the universe and then manifesting into misfortune that effects and happens to us all.

I find the misunderstanding around Karma, annoying.

OP, you haven't moved on, otherwise you wouldn't gloat, so perhaps work on that.

Having read your other threads, part of me thinks she did you a favour, but obviously as there were children involved, it was still painful.

ComposHat · 07/07/2013 13:01

To all those sayimg YANBU is there an acceptable level of disability it is okay to gloat at?

If she'd lost a limb or was paralysed ftom the neck down in a Kayak ing accident. Would that be funny/gloat worthy too?

PRwench · 07/07/2013 13:54

Perhaps not gloat worthy but I'd not lose any sleep over someone who hurt me in this way being injured or sick. People kill themselves or lose years of their lives recovering from infidelity, children spend years in therapy to try to understand how it wasnt their fault. It's one of the cruellest things that can be done to another human being, so fucking casually too.

Weegiemum · 07/07/2013 14:11

CajunCooking "I'm disappointed because I clicked on this thread thinking something very nasty had happened to your ex and OW. Instead, it's just nerve damage."

Says someone who has never had nerve damage.

Wannabestepfordwife · 07/07/2013 14:29

If the ow hair had gone green from kayaking too much I would say Yanbu I would find it hard not to laugh at that.

I can totally understand op having a smirk at the situation but nerve damage is awful and I really wouldn't wish it on anyone

edam · 07/07/2013 14:32

Oh, there is something so perfect about the hobby that brought them together being her downfall. Grin

OK OK I'm sure nerve damage is horrible but...

TheMoonOnAStick · 07/07/2013 14:53

I would now take up kayaking and get really good at it. I would wave with my paddle as I kayaked past.

24 years? Give the op a break. Yadnbu.

everlong · 07/07/2013 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.