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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little bit pleased about what has happened to the OW?

224 replies

drfayray · 06/07/2013 14:58

My ex left me after 24 years for this woman who got him interested in kayaking. He spent a fortune on gear and cheated on me for nearly a year on this Kayaking Kunt (KK) as she was known to me. Grin

I am now divorced and trying to live as good a life as I can with my 2 DC.

I have just found out that the KK has extensive nerve damage to both her arms and hands... Caused by kayaking...

Karma is REAL!

OP posts:
ithaka · 06/07/2013 15:12

Oh stop being so sanctimonious everyone. KK shagged the OP's ex when they were still married - even the holy spawn of Gandhi & Mother Teresa would enjoy a smirk at her misfortune.

The OP didn't actually jump up & down on KK's hands and injure them herself - lighten up!

ScrambledSmegs · 06/07/2013 15:12

I read your original threads, OP. TBH I think you should wait until your XH gets his just desserts before thinking the universe has got your back, as the way he treated you was vile. And yes, the OW was an unpleasant piece of work too, so I don't think I could bring myself to feel sorry for her either. But try not to take pleasure in her diagnosis, you'll feel better for being the better person, if that makes sense. At least, I hope you will!

However, there are loads of people here who don't know your backstory and won't understand. A lot of stuff on MN requires context, we forget when we post that most people will only see a snapshot of a life lived from what we write.

HugAMoo · 06/07/2013 15:15

Really, everyone who has commented that OP is being unreasonable. How many of you have had your husband leave you for someone else? I bet if they have, you just love the OW..heck you probably go to Selfridges together for afternoon tea and a little shopping.

Honestly, give OP a break. YANBU.

Thumbwitch · 06/07/2013 15:18

I can't entirely blame you for feeling the way you do but agree that you should really be reserving your feelings for whenever something happens to your exH; he's the one who cheated on you, not her. She was just the opportunity.

veryconfusedatthemoment · 06/07/2013 15:26

YANBU at all. I looong for something horrible to happen to my STBExH OW. Sooner the better IMO. And indeed for him to drop dead too. Do I feel bad about it? Na. (And I have never thought this way about anyone else).

Eyesunderarock · 06/07/2013 15:27

I don't know the backstory, she probably posted in relationships which I have hidden.
Being unfaithful was an active choice by an adult, all this 'the woman tempted me and I fell' nonsense is precisely that. I have no idea if he slept around or if this opportunity was just too tempting to pass up, but either way.
Crotch rot for the ex, yes, I'd see that as payback.

Mrchip · 06/07/2013 15:28

YANBU

It was his fault but she also played a part.
It isn't nice but does seem quite fitting.

50shadesofmeh · 06/07/2013 15:29

Oh please this woman and OPs ex caused her intense suffering and ruined her life at the time so of course OP is going to have a little snort at her expense and maybe on here is the only place she can say it.
It's not very Christian but hey!

Morloth · 06/07/2013 15:30

I am a bit of a bitch.

This would give me a pleasant glow for a bit.

Certainly wouldn't be feeling any sympathy.

Sucked in frankly.

TidyDancer · 06/07/2013 15:31

Oh dear. I don't blame you for feeling this way in theory. But to actually celebrate what has happened is obviously quite disgraceful.

I honestly understand the whole shit things happening to bad people thing though, so I certainly won't condemn you for feeling this way.

morethanpotatoprints · 06/07/2013 15:32

A bit unreasonable yes, but totally understandable.
It takes a long time to come to terms with what your xdh and ow did to you, so I sympathise.
Don't let them turn you into somebody who relishes other peoples downfall, or bitterness. They aren't worth it.

AnyFucker · 06/07/2013 15:34

There is nothing wrong with musing about this

OP is not responsible for the nerve damage, and probably cannot help her (rather natural) feelings of the Universe being restored just a tiny bit at this news

Not it's not really reasonable. I would have have been a fuck of a lot less reasonable than this OP has been throughout this whole sorry business though

50shadesofmeh · 06/07/2013 15:35

I can imagine at the time this super fit woman and your husband kayaking away like smart arses OP and you feeling crap about yourself so I can understand why it makes you laugh.

LookingForwardToMarch · 06/07/2013 15:37

I can understand why you would feel that way, a saint would have had a bit of a smirk at that.

On the other hand feelings of hatred are bad for you, and in the end only lessen you as a person. It is self-destructive.

You will feel so much better when you can feel indifference to those that have hurt you.

So no yanbu, you are being human.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/07/2013 15:37

Perfectly natural to feel that way OP, I would too.

trackies · 06/07/2013 15:39

OP YANBU, I feel the same when Karma hits those who are horrible to me. Your ex-DH is more to blame, but she also knew you were married and that her involvement might cause you and your DC's pain, but i am sure she was pleased when you and DH left, so now you can be pleased about their news. He can live with it too !

trackies · 06/07/2013 15:40

sorry i meant "pleased when you and DH split"

LastTangoInDevonshire · 06/07/2013 15:40

Smirk away, OP Grin

Weegiemum · 06/07/2013 15:42

I see what you're saying but I have (totally non-kayaking) nerve damage and I wouldn't wish it on my narcissistic mother anyone.

thebody · 06/07/2013 15:42

Of course you feel like this as your human and not a bloody saint.

Moonstorm · 06/07/2013 15:45

I understand why you feel like this

JerseySpud · 06/07/2013 15:46

Smirk away but i would pity more. she would hate your pity more.

ComposHat · 06/07/2013 15:51

You sound lovely. With an attitude like that. .. no wonder he ran paddled off with someone else.

P

HildaOgden · 06/07/2013 15:51

I hate to tell you this....but he didn't fall in love with her because she was good at kayaking.

Although you are fitting into the role of bitter,spiteful ex-wife quite easily.Don't let your children pick up on your glee about this.

Jan49 · 06/07/2013 15:53

YANBU

My ex left me for OW. If I heard that something bad had happened to her, I'm sure I'd feel the same as you. I also smirked when our ds told me his dad had to have an op on his testicles. Also like trackies says, the OW was probably happy when your h left you. I'm sure she wasn't feeling sad about your suffering or concerned for your dc.

If two people have an affair and only one of them is married, they are BOTH to blame. I don't understand the idea that the one who is single is blameless. If single people always refused to have a relationship with married people, then at least the married person would have to choose to leave the relationship before embarking on a new one, instead of deceiving their spouse.

I can't post here what I wanted to do to the OW in my case but it was a lot worse than nerve damage.Wink