Sorry, another wedding one

[Ilovemyself]

My Sister In Law is getting married next year and my wife is going to be a bridesmaid. We have twins and a 3rd who will be 2 and 5 months and 1 and 5 months.

We are all invited to the wedding ( good start lol)

Whilst discussing the wedding Sister in law said " you will just have to look after the kids whilst bridesmaid duties are being carried out"

I will never have a problem looking after my children but think that she had not thought about the situation.

We live an hour and a half away, so I can't look after the children at home. There is no way children can be looked after at the brides house, as there will be too much going on and not enough room.

I am left to look after the children for 3-4 hours before the wedding and get them ready for the wedding with nowhere to go.

My wife says forget about it but I am all too aware that we will get to the date and I will be left to just get on with it and will have to struggle on the day.

I have said if a solution cannot be found I would rather stay at home with the children than go and have a struggle of a day.

Am I being unreasonable on 2 counts- one with my sister in law for her couldn't care less attitude, and one with my wife for saying just ignore it?

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Imagine having to entertain your own kids.

[Bowlersarm]

Wife gets there by train, you take children in car. Lots of lovely relatives to pay attention to the children. You have a lovely wedding. DW finishes bridesmaid duties and gets to help you. Scenario which happens all the time.

[CrapBag]

You are going to let her sister know what?

That you are incapable of looking after your children whilst her sister is bridesmaid? What do you expect her to say? "Oh ok, I'll hire a nanny for you in a separate room to the wedding?"

FGS, I now echo someone else, here's a grip, take it.

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

Ok sensible solution. You entertain the children by taking them to soft play for a couple of hours on the proviso that you can dress them at your SIL house 30 minutes before they need to leave for wedding. I don't believe for one minute there won't be a couple of square meters free for you to dress them. If your SIL won't agree to that then yes she is a bit selfish.

[Debsndan]

YANBU. I have 3, same gaps, and looking after all. 3, alone is INCREDIBLY hard, especially if you haven't got all your gear around you. OP I totally totally get where you're coming from. Personally I think you've got two options. Not go, and stay home with the kids, or (and this would be my preference) shell out to take a nanny/childminder for the entire proceedings. Don't try and do it all yourself. It's too hard and unless you've had 3 under two including the madness of twins then you have no idea what it's like.
Sending you a virtual .

[Ilovemyself]

All of the solutions ( go up the night before/hotel/train that morning) involve money and we simply don't have it.

Bowlers arm, looking after the children isn't the issue. The issue is I can hardly get them ready before we leave that morning and then take them out, and have nowhere to get them ready.

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

ILove - why is getting them ready in the car not fair on them? You're only giving them a wipe and changing their clothes. I'm potty training at the moment so have to do this with DS. Or we might find a toilet somewhere.

I can understand 3 is hard, but they are still quite young. It's not like you need a dressing room for them.

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

This really is a non issue though, be carefull you don't start to look like you are deliberately trying to spoil your wife's enjoyment of being a bridesmaid.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Drop wife off
Take kids to park
Take kids for something to eat
Take kids for mooch around
Take kids to shopping centre or similar place with clean and spacious public toilet
Get you all changed, faces washed, hair combed
Go to wedding

Fucking hell could you really not work that out for yourself?

[MildDrPepperAddiction]

Your username says it all. They are YOUR children for God's sake. If you were best man at a wedding would your wife complain about having to look after her own children for a few hours?

You sound incredibly childish. I'm glad I'm not your wife.

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

Ok what would be YOUR ideal solution?

[Debsndan]

God I'm laughing at changing 3 babies! The only way you can really do it in a car is in the boot with the others in their seats. Otherwise they run off/vomit on each other/eat muck etc.

[numbum]

ifcatshadthumbs makes sense!

[CrapBag]

Debsndan are you being ironic? You would hire a nanny or childminder to cover a few hours of nowhere to look after your children?

ilovemyself (yes apt name) look at places nearby where you can take them like soft play, go there early and get them changed before you leave. Its not rocket science, it really isn't. Getting them ready involves changing clothes.

[strawberrie]

Where's the wedding being held? If its a church, they are bound to have a side room/ hall you could make use of, definitely so if it's a hotel...

[cornyblend37]

get them ready when you arrive surely


can't you ask one of the other guests to help you?

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Debs - that's kind of the point - 2 are strapped in while you sort one out. I thought that would be obvious with 3!!

[DontcallmeSteven]

Your wife gets the train/a lift the evening before or first thing in the morning. Ask one of your friends to come over in the morning to help you get the children ready. Ask another family member/mutual friend invited to the wedding, who's not directly involved with the wedding party, to help you wrangle kids when you arrive.

[cornyblend37]

Will your PIL be there...will they help?

[Debsndan]

Ehric he's doing it with three babies! He's outnumbered straightaway - and presumably will be hulking a giant triple pram thing too. Go to park? They all fuck off in opposite directions. Go to eat? Commandeer 3 high hairs and get them all to sit nicely. Place of interest? WTF? The eldest will be two years old!
Honestly you don't have a clue.

[Ilovemyself]

Crapbag, you have missed the point. I am more than capable of looking after my children (and thanks debsndan for recognising how hard it can be with the age gap)

The point is if the children are in the house as the bridal party are getting ready they will be all over the family. It will be stressful enough for them as it is without the children in the way, and the excitement level in the house will only add to the children's excitement.

Ifcatshadthumbs. I will put that suggestion forward thanks.

[Debsndan]

Crapbag no, deadly serious.

[landofsoapandglory]

Does your MIL not live near to the wedding venue, or maybe your DW have an Aunt/cousin/relative etc whose house you could go to for an hour or so while your wife gets ready and you can get the kids ready? If everyone else is local there must be somewhere you can go!

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

ILoveMyself - I think it's less about putting these suggestions forward, and more about YOU taking responsibility and sorting out what YOU are going to do (possibly with the help of others) to sort out YOUR children while your wife is busy.

Don't make this your wife's problem, or your SIL's problem. You will end up looking U and a knob.

Decide what you think is best and rope in/ speak to whomever you need to. But it is YOU who shoudl make these arrangements

[scaevola]

Is it really that hard to look after your own DC for 4 hours?

Why do you need suggestions? You need to take the proper responsibility for this yourself, rather than expecting someone to save tou with a golden suggection. Thinking about what your DC like shouldn't be that difficult. Then look at the place you're going to and work out what is there that you fancy doing with them.