Sorry, another wedding one

[Ilovemyself]

My Sister In Law is getting married next year and my wife is going to be a bridesmaid. We have twins and a 3rd who will be 2 and 5 months and 1 and 5 months.

We are all invited to the wedding ( good start lol)

Whilst discussing the wedding Sister in law said " you will just have to look after the kids whilst bridesmaid duties are being carried out"

I will never have a problem looking after my children but think that she had not thought about the situation.

We live an hour and a half away, so I can't look after the children at home. There is no way children can be looked after at the brides house, as there will be too much going on and not enough room.

I am left to look after the children for 3-4 hours before the wedding and get them ready for the wedding with nowhere to go.

My wife says forget about it but I am all too aware that we will get to the date and I will be left to just get on with it and will have to struggle on the day.

I have said if a solution cannot be found I would rather stay at home with the children than go and have a struggle of a day.

Am I being unreasonable on 2 counts- one with my sister in law for her couldn't care less attitude, and one with my wife for saying just ignore it?

[Ilovemyself]

Ehric. I think debsndan has hit the nail on the head. With 3 under 2.5 year olds you try it. If it was 1 or even just the twins I would be fine but with 3 it just adds to the stress of what should be an enjoyable day

[TheDoctrineOfAllan]

Drop DW off
Go for lunch/snack in local pub/hotel
Use toilets at said hotel to get kids ready.
Or - check as there may be a side room, or other family members staying at the venue so you can use their room.

[Debsndan]

I've spent the last couple of years on the edge of rage at the well meaning smugness of those who have never done what we do.

[landofsoapandglory]

Do you never look after all 3 on your own then, Ilove? Does your DW?

[DontcallmeSteven]

I can see that getting three young DC ready would be stressful, lord knows I struggle getting one toddler dressed sometimes, she's whipped her clothes off before I've even turned my back.

So do you have any friends that could help you?

[TheDoctrineOfAllan]

Oh, RIGHT.

It's NOT going to be an enjoyable day for you. If you start from that premise and understand that you are doing it so your DW can support her DSis and so the DSis can have her nieces and nephews at her wedding, then you'll get on better. You are "at work" that day, effectively.

Does that feel better?

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Debs - I don't think anyone is doubting how very hard it is, but people are balking at how the OP doesn't seem able to take responsibility for this and sort something out. Instead he sees it as SIL/Wife responsibility to sort it out, or he just won't go.

[Sokmonsta]

Your wife can stay at her sisters the night before (you drop her off). You can get the children ready in the morning and meet them at the church. All you need to do is have confidence in your ability to parent your children. You've got plenty of time to learn their routine if you genuinely don't know it by now.

If in doubt ask your wife to help you lay out the dc's clothes before she goes so you can be sure what they are wearing. Shoes, hair bobbles (for girls), socks, underwear. Everything. Make sure you have a fully stocked change bag if necessary. Get the children changed last thing before setting off to avoid calamitous spilling of drinks/food.

I know I am guilty myself of thinking dh can't do x, y or z with our 4 dc. But the truth is he manages just fine in his own way. It just happens to be different to mine. I spent 2 weeks in hospital after our twins were born and if dd's hair wasn't as neat, ds's nails were not trimmed, the dc's clothes were mismatched, I simply had to suck it up myself. He was doing the best he could.

[Nanny0gg]

Are there no family members, not in the immediate wedding party, who can help?

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

Yes there will some excitement but that's ok excitement on a happy day is a good thing! Unless it's a studio flat you will be able to keep the children out of the brides hair for 30 minutes while you get changed and probably better that they get to see mummy again right before the wedding rather than as she's walking down the aisle behind the bride!

[GlaikitFizzog]

Is there more family close to sil that would lend you use of their house to entertai, feed and change your children? I'm guessing sil is your dws sister, where is grandma in all this?

If your wife wasn't a bridesmaid, what would you do?

[Debsndan]

How do you change three babies in a toilet? Seriously? Cos unless you've got a triple pram, in which case it won't fit. If you have a double and the 1 year old in a sling, you'd have to put them in a back carry to change the other two. Or do you just ask them nicely to sit still???

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Is the problem that you are imagining your dc now? Rather than next year? The older two will be able to change shirts themselves by then and the younger one will be able to stand still while you change theirs.

Really, how much more 'ready' does a toddler need to be than having a clean top on? and, preferably, exhausted from running round park or soft play so they sleep through service & speeches

Please don't make this your wife or sil's problem. Don't rock up at sil's house on her wedding morning with three toddlers. Just make a plan -yourself -and let them enjoy their morning.

[Ilovemyself]

Giant. It's not my problem or my wife's problem individually. It's our problem to sort out. But the assumption that I can just disappear for several hours and get the children ready out of the back of the car has been made and it isn't as simple as just taking 1 child off for the morning.

And leaving 2 strapped in the buggy whilst you are getting the other ready is hardly fair on them.

The SIL will be getting ready at the PIL house so they will be busy with their duties.

[TheDoctrineOfAllan]

Take pushchair in, change one year old, put one year old back in pushchair, change two year olds.

That's why I suggested a hotel - more spacious facilities. But checking out baby friendly websites for places with a baby change room might be better.

[TheDoctrineOfAllan]

Ilove, they'd be strapped in the buggy for a few minutes apiece.

Given my recollections of your previous threads, I'm out.

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

You have 3 toddlers it will of course be a full on stressful day at some points but that is life with 3 toddlers. No magical solution is going to present itself that makes attending a wedding with 3 under 3 a relaxed and enjoyable affair.

Don't worry the time your children are teenagers friends will be on their second marriages and you can attend relaxed and enjoyable weddings.

[Debsndan]

"Is the problem that you are imagining your dc now? Rather than next year? The older two will be able to change shirts themselves by then and the younger one will be able to stand still while you change theirs."

Haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaa! PMSL! They'll be 29 months old! And even if they could change their shirts themselves, two year olds aren't known for their reliability or compliance, especially in the company of other toddlers! God I'm crying laughing at how piss easy you think it is!

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Just another thought. It's a year away right? Can you seriously not save enough for a local b&b or a travelodge in a year? You're probably talking £40 tops. It would make your morning so much easier.

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Your wife has asked you to look after the kids while she goes to be bridesmaid .... to your SIL. A very important day.

What you do while your looking after them, is up to you. What do you think your wife does when looking after them?

I guess it is both of your problem, but it doesn't even sound like you have tried to come up with a solution. Have you spoken to any of the other guests and asked if they can help? I assume they are your family as this is a family wedding.

Also, as a complete aside, as it really doesn't matter to this post - but I don't understand why leaving 2 strapped in a buggy for 5 - 10 minutes while you change the other is unfair on them? I assume they spend longer than that in a buggy on occassion and entertain themselves with books and toys (or get a bit grotty about it and try to get free). I admit it's not ideal. but I don't understand how it's not fair, and think that's a bot of projecting.

[KrazyKurls]

For goodness sake

"And leaving 2 strapped in a buggy while getting them ready is hardly fair on them"

It's hardly neglect, don't put fancy clothes on them my DD wore a romper suit to a wedding in April. A packet of baby wipes and 3 changes of clean, comfy clothes should do the job.

And yes I've had 3 under 3

[Ilovemyself]

Giant. Sorry. I didn't mean that I will shirk my responsibility and just leave it up to them. I just know what weddings are like and how if you say the slightest thing wrong you are a party pooper or trying to cause an issue for the sake of it.

I don't know the area that well so they would be better at suggesting places to go. And I still think that getting 3 hot and sweaty children ready for a wedding from the back of a car or toilet is far from ideal.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Huh?
These are the op's children. Do people with three young children not look after them alone, ever? Surely, when you opt to have lots of children you get used to the idea that at some times you will be juggling all of them on your own?

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Riiiiiiight.



There was actually a missing t from my post. I meant t shirt. Which my 20mo can do if he knows he'll get a chocolate button in return but hey, I only have one child (damn my faulty ovary) so I can't possibly be allowed to comment here. Especially not with, like, actual suggestions.

[KrazyKurls]

Pack a picnic, go to park.

Put them back in car.

Take one out of car seat, wipe, change, strap in buggy.
Repeat.
Repeat.

The ceremony is were the fun begins.