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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sorry, another wedding one

239 replies

Ilovemyself · 02/07/2013 22:09

My Sister In Law is getting married next year and my wife is going to be a bridesmaid. We have twins and a 3rd who will be 2 and 5 months and 1 and 5 months.

We are all invited to the wedding ( good start lol)

Whilst discussing the wedding Sister in law said " you will just have to look after the kids whilst bridesmaid duties are being carried out"

I will never have a problem looking after my children but think that she had not thought about the situation.

We live an hour and a half away, so I can't look after the children at home. There is no way children can be looked after at the brides house, as there will be too much going on and not enough room.

I am left to look after the children for 3-4 hours before the wedding and get them ready for the wedding with nowhere to go.

My wife says forget about it but I am all too aware that we will get to the date and I will be left to just get on with it and will have to struggle on the day.

I have said if a solution cannot be found I would rather stay at home with the children than go and have a struggle of a day.

Am I being unreasonable on 2 counts- one with my sister in law for her couldn't care less attitude, and one with my wife for saying just ignore it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovemyself · 02/07/2013 23:33

Quintessential. If you can find me a pool that allows one adult with 3 under 3's I will do it lol.

OP posts:
decaffwithcream · 02/07/2013 23:36

"We are the only people from this part of the country."

That just sounds fantastically spacious Grin

Good luck with your wedding arrangements.

Eilidhbelle · 02/07/2013 23:37

Nope, that's a load of rubbish. I work an hour and a half away from my house, so drive three hours a day. It does not cost even NEARLY £40 for a single train ticket.

I'm out! Good luck everyone else.

Debsndan · 02/07/2013 23:37

So for a short while you had three kids under one year? Holy shit. I think it's probably harder than triplets. And at least with triplets no one tries to tell you how piss easy it is and where you're going wrong!

KrazyKurls · 02/07/2013 23:38

I'll give you that I can't find a swimming pool that allows both DH and I to take our 3 swimming!

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 02/07/2013 23:38

Changeasgood. If the weather is fine then we could possibly play in the garden. But the children will want their mum, or grandma, or want to go indoors and I don't think it is the ideal place to be looking after them - I don't think it's fair on the bridal party at all as they will have enough to worry about.

And perhaps I am just too picky, but I wouldn't feel happy taking them to the wedding if they didn't look their best.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovemyself · 02/07/2013 23:41

Debsndan. No 3 days before the twins 1st birthday :-). I love it. My wife wants more but I want her to rest her body first!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/07/2013 23:41

What about all the other wedding guests. IE family of the bride.. can you not go to them with the kids?

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 02/07/2013 23:44

Hi squeakytoy. This is why I would like my wife to ask. I wouldn't know who to start with

OP posts:
Jan49 · 02/07/2013 23:44

So how much would a family room in a B & B cost for one night? You seem so sure you can't afford it but you've got a year. If your car needs repairing it's likely to cost more than 1 night B&B and you won't get a year to save up for it.

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 02/07/2013 23:48

Jan49. If the car needs repairing I have friends that help with the labour and I rob Peter to pay Paul for the parts.

As I have said, I have more going out than coming in. I hope it will change, but hope is no guarantee. .

OP posts:
Jan49 · 02/07/2013 23:53

I just think you are going to have to go on spending money for food, clothes and bills, so if you put £1 or £2 a week aside for a year it wouldn't make much difference.

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 02/07/2013 23:57

Jan49. I know where you are coming from, but I really need to spend every last penny on those that I owe money too.

Thanks for all of the helpful suggestions, the understanding and those that realised I wasn't actually being an arse ( atruthuniversally - that's you that is lol)

I think bed is in order as I am sure I will be up soon to feed our youngest.

OP posts:
Asheth · 02/07/2013 23:57

Train fares can be cheap if booked well in advance. You might be surprised what sort of a good deal you can get.

Otherwise I think you've just got to grit your teeth and do the best you can with a park or soft play. It will be hard. But it is just one day. And if it helps to make a special day for your SIL and your DW then surely the effort is worth it.

YellowDinosaur · 03/07/2013 00:27

Didn't you say your sil will be getting ready at her parents? Any chance you can go to sil's house (presuming she doesn't live at her parents that is)

longjane · 03/07/2013 08:43

I am loving all this children need to look there best

do you know how much the nice clothes will cost !!! how much you suit will be
and how much the bridesmaid dress will be
and then when you are told about hotel room you go on about the cost

you will not have fun dad y at the wedding
your job at the wedding is to look after your kids before and after wards
you have a year to scout out the area find the parks and soft play areas

not sure why you want to bath 3 kids and your self in middle of the day with out help

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 03/07/2013 08:56

I don't understand why you can't dress them at home and then go? What am I missing. I'm a bridesmaid soon and my DH will be looking after our 3 including the baby whilst I get ready at a different location, Nothing special about that

soverylucky · 03/07/2013 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 03/07/2013 09:06

dunno if I am missing something but why can't dw go to sisters to get ready maybe even stay there night before. you carry on at home get kids ready and leave in time for wedding? seems simple to me but maybe as I said I am not understanding why you have to be out of the house.

soverylucky · 03/07/2013 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raisah · 03/07/2013 09:14

Its next year so plenty of time to start saving for a hotel. Start browsing early & you will be able to find a good deal at a premier inn or travel inn or similar.
I booked a £29 room at travel inn for my brothers wedding so it can be done. I also went off for a few hours in the morning to the salon & my dh managed ok. Got them fed, ran around the park for a bit, bathed, changed & light lunch before collecting me at 12pm to go to the venue.

So now that you know to do put the plan in action & impress your wife with it. She will be busy with het sister so please dont stress her with expecting her to think for you. You are a grown man, tell her the plan I've just given you and see how she reacts.

From your post it sounds like you want it to be an issue and you want it to be about ypur wife abandoning you for a few hours with the kids.

Babieseverywhere · 03/07/2013 09:19

As an alternative to a train ticket, coach travel is a lot cheaper. My friend's 18 yo travelled from London to the North West for less than a tenner !

Your wife can travel up the day before the wedding and stay over with her parents or sister. You get up get everyone ready at home and travel down to get there in time to attend wedding.

Maybe practise getting all three children bathed and dressed and in car, a couple of times nearer the time, if you are worried about timmings.

Babieseverywhere · 03/07/2013 09:30

Ps. I would travel with children in vests only or bibs over the dressy clothes.....young children are prone to throwing up when it causes maximum chaos, lol.

You'll be fine it won't be easy or terrible, it will be somewhere in the middle.

I take out my four on my own daily. Whilst I only had three under four years OR four under six years, so not the same as twins.

But I always found the under three's much easier to get dressed, I.e. carry and dress them myself than the nagging to get an older child to 'come back here and get dressed' but ymmv.

TenToWine · 03/07/2013 09:34

i think a single train ticket booked well in advance for a 1.5 hour journey will not be much more expensive than softplay for 3 kids.

cleoowen · 03/07/2013 09:41

Arrange for wife to get to sisters somehow herself and then you get kids,ready at home and drive there in time for the wedding. Could you ask another family member around to get,ready at yours, help with the kids and then give them a lift to the wedding?

Perhaps your wife could take one of the children, the one which is best behaved and can get on unsupervised with her so you only have two.

It's only for a few hours, I think you ll manage.