Sorry, another wedding one

[Ilovemyself]

My Sister In Law is getting married next year and my wife is going to be a bridesmaid. We have twins and a 3rd who will be 2 and 5 months and 1 and 5 months.

We are all invited to the wedding ( good start lol)

Whilst discussing the wedding Sister in law said " you will just have to look after the kids whilst bridesmaid duties are being carried out"

I will never have a problem looking after my children but think that she had not thought about the situation.

We live an hour and a half away, so I can't look after the children at home. There is no way children can be looked after at the brides house, as there will be too much going on and not enough room.

I am left to look after the children for 3-4 hours before the wedding and get them ready for the wedding with nowhere to go.

My wife says forget about it but I am all too aware that we will get to the date and I will be left to just get on with it and will have to struggle on the day.

I have said if a solution cannot be found I would rather stay at home with the children than go and have a struggle of a day.

Am I being unreasonable on 2 counts- one with my sister in law for her couldn't care less attitude, and one with my wife for saying just ignore it?

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Op, why are you ignoring those of us who've suggested saving for a hotel room?

[Longtallsally]

Agree with Backforgood - and if SIL doesn't have any friends/family who can offer you a room/base for 4 hours, then could you ask if the reception venue would let you hire a room an hour or two in the morning for a small fee (£10?) You wouldn't be sleeping in the beds, so no work created for the hotel, but you could hang out there with a box of toys/get the kids changed/bathed/fed whatever . . . .

[Debsndan]

Yes but look at how old the kids are NOW? He won't have slept properly since about 2010!

[Ilovemyself]

As I have said to the doubters, I would rather there be no issues and that I can go and enjoy the wedding with everyone else.

Debsndan - they are currently 16 months (twins) and a 4 month old. And I love every second of it.

And Backforgood. Thanks. Good to see a friendly face out there :-)

[Debsndan]

Gosh that's young! And I think for us it got worse before it got better!

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Good. You want to enjoy it. So are you going to take any of the advice you've been given?

[Ilovemyself]

A truth. If saving was so easy we would. I am struggling to pay the bills as is having been out of work since April, and having found a job I will be worse off so god knows how I will make ends meet! We don't all have disposable income!

I love the idea of asking the reception venue if the use of a room would be possible. That is a certain avenue I will follow.

[Eilidhbelle]

Ilovemyself - you are being ridiculous. You clearly don't want a solution to this, you just want to...hmm, I don't know...guilt trip your wife or fall out with your SIL.

Grow up.

[landofsoapandglory]

You've got 13 months to save up for a cheap hotel. Surely you can find £5 a month to save.

[Ilovemyself]

A truth. You can stay. :-) will answer your points if the comments didn't keep flying in lol.

[Ilovemyself]

Landofsoap. When your outgoings are more than your income even £5 per month is kind of hard. And I don't drink (apart from the odd present) or smoke so no money to be saved there

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Google is your friend here op

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

It's over a year away. I'm suggesting saving less than a pound a week so that your wife and the sahm to your three under three can relax for a morning. Is it really impossible?

[Ilovemyself]

Eilidh. Far from it. I would love this to be a simple happy family occasion. My wife won't be guilt tripped into anything. You are welcome to your opinion I don't want a solution but I can assure you that you are wrong on that point.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Ah. Ok. You're being nice now. In that case I will point out that all of my suggestions have been meant kindly. Time is on your side. I hope you find a solution.

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

I can't see the issue. Just find something to do nearby - even if it is a cinema for a few hours. Drop off wife, take kids to do/ see [whatever] and then dress them in the car and show up. Where is the issue here?

[BlackeyedSusan]

what time of year is the wedding?
what sort of car is it?

it is possible to get children ready in the car. change nappies in the car/potty in the car. (but do not be in the middle of potty training at the time.) I can't vouch for 3 under 3, not having done that, but do have a car sick child to change. nappies aare done in the car, clothes kept in the boot, changing mat on the front seat, cream wipes and sacks in the glove box. one was strapped in while the other was sorted.

[Ilovemyself]

Atruth. As I said, our outgoings are more than our income, and I will be even worse off when I get back into work. If it were a simple book a hotel room I wouldn't have needed to even start this thread as we would have done it already :-(

[Eilidhbelle]

Ok, well then, why not get your wife to make her way there the night before?

By the way, this is the third time I've had to ask. I really would love to hear your reasons why that's not possible.

[Ilovemyself]

A truth. I never meant not to be nice. I just come across as an arsehole most of the time when I am really not that bad. Type before thinking what it looks like. That's me lol

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Where's the wedding? If it's near me you can get them ready here.

[Softy smiley]

[Ilovemyself]

Eilidh. Sorry, so many comments coming in I have not meant to ignore the question. For me to drop her off the night before means an extra £40-50 in petrol. Rail fares are not cheap. A second car is a no no And a hotel is financially not an option. As I said, our finances are a real struggle at the moment so I don't see any of those options working.

I would prefer to get the children ready at home or in a hotel room and go straight to the ceremony but I can't see financially how we can do that.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

3 kids that age, that is like battling the Andrex puppies and a 12 pack of lose toilet roll!

I feel for you and see your dilemma. How about taking them to the swimming pool, and change them there? You dont need to swim for long, but you all get a proper clean up, and a chance to change all your clothes.

Hang on, how do you shower three babies in an open plan communal shower area.....

Scrap that idea....

[Ilovemyself]

Are you in the midlands as that is where it is lol. Have probably given too much away already if anyone that knows me is on here

[Changeasgoodas]

OP, you really do seem to be causing yourself unnecessary stress by worrying about this now when it is a long way ahead and all sorts of things could have changed by then. Perhaps your current stressful situation with having been unemployed and then taking a salary cut while having 3 babies that need supporting is raising your stress levels so that small things that can be problem solved become blown up into big problems for you? Are you looking to try and control life with certainty because things have been so uncertain for you?

From my reading, no one has said that you have to take the DC away from the house, just that you will have to be in charge of them - and you have decided that they will get over excited at PIL house? How big is PIL hse, is there a garden? Surely Bride will mostly be in between bedroom and bathroom getting ready. Are you really sure that you haven't interpreted "you need to look after them at our house" to mean "you have to take them away and magic up a room for them to get ready in".

You also need to drop your worry about how they are going to look, it is really not important, no one is going to notice, eyes are not on you and your DC on this day.