Sorry, another wedding one

[Ilovemyself]

My Sister In Law is getting married next year and my wife is going to be a bridesmaid. We have twins and a 3rd who will be 2 and 5 months and 1 and 5 months.

We are all invited to the wedding ( good start lol)

Whilst discussing the wedding Sister in law said " you will just have to look after the kids whilst bridesmaid duties are being carried out"

I will never have a problem looking after my children but think that she had not thought about the situation.

We live an hour and a half away, so I can't look after the children at home. There is no way children can be looked after at the brides house, as there will be too much going on and not enough room.

I am left to look after the children for 3-4 hours before the wedding and get them ready for the wedding with nowhere to go.

My wife says forget about it but I am all too aware that we will get to the date and I will be left to just get on with it and will have to struggle on the day.

I have said if a solution cannot be found I would rather stay at home with the children than go and have a struggle of a day.

Am I being unreasonable on 2 counts- one with my sister in law for her couldn't care less attitude, and one with my wife for saying just ignore it?

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Atruth makes a good point. Travelling up the night before and staying in a cheap hotel would surely be possible this far in advance?

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

ILove - you've had plenty of suggestions.

I suggest you talk to some of the other guests and see what you can sort out. I'm sure you can come up with something that works for you.

Even now, there are plenty of alternative suggestions coming from people on here.

Leave your wife and SIL to enjoy this time, and don't expect them to sort this out for you.

[Longtallsally]

I cannot believe you have had such a hard time here, Ilove. Three babies under 3, in a strange town, to get ready for a wedding, with just the car as base!!!

So, have I got this - you get dressed at home, then drive 1.5 hrs with wife in car and babies in the back. You drop off wife 4 hours before wedding (what time is the service) and then . . . .

Agree with those who have suggested soft play centre to wear them out, and feed them/change nappies/get dressed there. (20 minutes to get there, 2 hours max at soft play centre on a Saturday without going mad!) Sleep time probably then, so into car/pushchair and drive/walk to car for them all to fall asleep (another hour asleep/walking in fresh air/feeding ducks etc) 20 mins back to the wedding and you are nearly there - as long as no one vomits on you/themselves/their twin!!!

Could you ask your sil to locate a friendly family/relative/friend, who might help you at the wedding, so that if one of the babies needs you - (thinking exploding nappy in the church or screeching loudly and needs to be taken out) someone else can hang onto the other two, whilst you take out the messy one.

Best of luck. Having survived this thread, and stayed calm, you will be fine on the day!!

However, a few practical questions - church or registry office? Reception venue a distance from there or nearby?

[mellicauli]

I think people are being a bit mean here and underestimated the logistics of 3 really little ones.

Your wife should make her own way to her sister's. She is a grown up after all and should be able to get herself from A to B. Combo of lifts (from you & the family)/ public transport and taxis should do it.

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

ATruth - I'm with you. Backing away now.

It seems no suggestion is going to be good enough, and will also incur the wrath of Debsndan.

OP - take my advice, talk to some of the other guests, they must be your family too. Find a way and suck it up. Hard as it will be, it's never going to be a walk in the park with all 3. Not going will make you look like a prize knobber.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Thank you Ehric. I'm glad someone appreciates me

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

And Giant. I'm suddenly popular

[Eilidhbelle]

OP, you've had plenty of suggestions here. Over to you now. Your wife could make her way up there the night before, leaving you to get the kids there at your own pace. Problem solved.

[Ilovemyself]

Landofsoap. I regularly look after all 3 on my own. That isn't the issue. The issue is that I am in an area without the facilities I would usually enjoy and I want my children to look their best on this important family day.

Glaikitt. If she wasn't a bridesmaid we would plan to get ready, drive there, and arrive just before the ceremony.

[Debsndan]

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged your suggestions are from the perspective of one child. And with the greatest respect it's another, much quieter and logistically simpler planet, which is why your suggestion was so, er, daft.

[Debsndan]

(The shirt one, not the Night Before one.)

[landofsoapandglory]

I don't think you will be happy until it is organised to suit you and someone gives you the moon on a stick as well, tbh!

[TheDoctrineOfAllan]

You want your kids to look their best... And yet your alternative to them having the odd hair out of place is not to go at all?

[Cherriesarelovely]

Sounds very stressful. I really would focus on your wife getting there by earlier by train for example and you following later. I wouldn't fancy juggling all those little ones with no base and in an unfamiliar place. The picnic/park idea is a good one but only if it isn't raining.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

My suggestions were about planning in advance and thinking about what the children will be like, not what they're like now. Not panicking basically! I also suggested that they dont need to be particularly 'ready'. Seriously, what do you think should happen? Should the wife not be allowed to hang out with her sister for a morning? Does the op not have time to plan something himself?

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

Put forward the suggestion of dressing the children at SIL place 30 mins before the wedding, if your told no (which I do think would be unfair) then come back. Until you've put forward at least one solution given here then this thread could go round and round in circles.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

[kinkyfuckery]

You can't save up £30 in a year? Maybe it's time to rethink no 4 then?

[BackforGood]

I'm stunned how mean and rude people are being to the OP, presumably simply because he is a man.
There is no way I'd want to entertain 3 x under 2.5 yr olds, in a strange town, with no room / base, whilst keeping them clean, and not getting to the stage (before the wedding has even begun) where everyone is fraught, irritable and grumpy. It's one thing in your own home with all the equipment you need, space you need, and distraction things you need, but to travel with them all for 1.5 hours (this suggests lots of sick to me before you even get to the town) then 'hang around' without anywhere to go for 4 hours, then turn up at a wedding looking all beautiful is not something any of us would want to do, surely ?
It makes a lot of sense if I were him to have some kind of plan in place ahead of the day and not just turn up to see how it goes.

OP - If it were me, I honestly think I would see if there is anyone who would look after them on the day of the wedding, and simply go and enjoy the day. They are not going to get anything out of it.
I realise that that might not be possible for you, so the next thing I'd do is ask your SiL / PiL if they can think of anybody - friends, neighbours, colleague, relations - who would let you go round to their house for the time inbetween you dropping off your wife and going to the wedding. That way you will have the space to play with them (without getting rained on or muddy), you will have room to change them (and you) if need be, and everything would be a lot more relaxed. I could think of loads of people I know that would do this for me if I had nieces / nephews in your situation - it's not like you are asking them to babysit, you will be there, you just need a house to stay in for 3 or 4 hours.

I hope it works out for you

[Debsndan]

Just doing the dates then, at the moment OP, the oldest your kids could be right now is 23 months and 11 months. They may well be younger. You poor bastard you must be utterly knackered! Hang in there, it does get easier but the first couple of years are utterly overwhelming. Cut yourself slack and don't go or take (lots of) help.

[MerylStrop]

Google some play barns/nice parks in the area

Ask if you can go to any of the following to get them changed: bride's house, bride's mother's house, bride's brother/sister's house/bride's friend's house, mil's house, mil's neighbour's house. Someone will find you a house with a loo and a sink and a room you can change them in and let you give them lunch there. It's what people do.

Give over and stop being such a wimp

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

Actually good point kinky if the wedding is a year away then that is plenty of time to save up train fare for your wife to go down the night before (or give someone petrol money to collect her) or book a cheap travelodge.

It's a year away loads of time to sort this out (if indeed you do want a solution)

[Ilovemyself]

Giant purple. I don't want my wife or SIL to have a bad day and am not trying to make it otherwise. It is just a place I don't know so some suggestions from them would be a nice help.

Longtailsally. Thank you for understanding the issue I have, and providing a bit of support.

Landof. I don't want someone to sort it all for me. I just need some assistance as I don't know anything about the place, and it is my wife's side of the family so she would know who could assist if anyone.

Thedoctrine. It's not about a simple hair being out of place. I would like to make sure they are clean presentable and after soft play and lunch they will not be at their cleanest. I would give them a bath at home but in the back of the car it would have to be a festival wash!

[Eilidhbelle]

OP, why why can't your wife get the train there the night before, and leave you to make your own way from your own house on the day of the wedding?

[MerylStrop]

Sorry...this is Next Year???

I'm with your missus on this one.