PILs only praising DS for being "clever"

[ShadowStorm]

Been staying with the PILs for a few days, and have noticed that whenever they praise DS (22 months) for anything, they always throw in "clever". Regardless of what DS has done.

So far, things that he's been told that he's a clever boy for, or has done a clever thing, include:

Saying a word PILs haven't heard him say before
Sleeping through the night
Eating all his food at mealtime
Standing still for a nappy change
Kicking a ball to someone
Running without falling over
Scribbling with his crayons
Cuddling PILs

It's nice that they're being positive and praising him - but - the constant use of "clever" is really starting to get on my nerves.

Partly because I'd prefer DS to be praised for making an effort than for being clever, and partly because I can't see how some of these things he's getting told he's a "clever boy" about have anything at all to do with intelligence.

I haven't said anything so far, but WIBU to ask PIL's to stop using the word "clever" whenever they praise DS? Or should I just do my best to ignore it and keep my mouth shut for the next few days until we go home?

I think the impact of it will be minimal if you're only there a few days. So yes, bite your tongue and be glad they're so delighted by him.

I tell my dog he is clever all the time.

Jesus wept.

Yes, you should definitely kick off. Have it out with them. They're clearly monsters.

Yes you would be unreasonable to ask them to stop telling him he's clever.
God almighty - there really is no pleasing some people is there?

The things some of you find to complain about beggars belief!

It's not really a big deal at 22 months is it?

YABU and PFB and silly!

You are being ridiculous.

It's just grandparent talk. It will not damage your child in any way. I promise.

Clever is a compliment.

YABU. Are you for real?

Sounds like they are being lovely to him.

Why don't you write down a list of acceptable compliments, and how often they may be issued within a certain time frame, and give it to them?

My i-Ls did this too. Except it was 'What a good boy' for everything. I think they just don't have a very exciting vocabulary.

This is insane. YABVVVU. Are you even serious? Would you rather they ignored him?

& just remembered how F-i-L would shout 'Push your botty!' every time newly-toilet-trained son was on the loo. Yuck.

They may be a bit stuck on how else to compliment him! Calling him clever works, I bet they get a reaction out of him when they say it so they're sticking with it.
Saying " how clever" is a bit clearer to a young child than saying "what a good effort" or whatever else you would prefer. It's complimentary and to the point. They enjoy it, I bet he does too. I would get over it. YABU

I tell my DS he is clever at least 10 times a day for the smallest things. (PFB😊)

I've never really thought much about it. TBH, I don't think he would care what I said so long as I smiled as I said it.

Just be grateful his GP are proud of him and happy to tell him that they are.

Friend's in-laws used to call her son Clever & her daughter Pretty for doing things, which was not what she wanted as she felt it gave the wrong messages.

Actually there is research that indicates praising effort rather than intelligence is far more beneficial. Anecdotally as someone who grew up being praised for being clever rather than for making effort I tend to think the research is on to something, I struggle even now putting effort into things and it has held me back, I seem to have a kind of fear of failure and not living up to my billing of being 'clever'.

Bugger, pictish beat me to it. Was going to suggest a laminated list.

I totally get where you are coming from. PIL are the same, and yes, I have asked them to stop using the word clever.

Partly because I was very damaged by being labelled as 'clever'. My effort was never recognised, if I did anything well it was because I was 'clever', if I did anything wrong I must really not have been trying, because after all, as I was so 'clever' if I had tried I would have managed.

The worst is my parents did try and avoid it, it was the gps and other people who did the damage.

It is a seriously toxic habit which will likely only get worse over time. Unless you have very little contact with them indeed, I would suggest you tackle it sooner rather than later.

Do not expect them to take it well, however, or in fact change it immediately. They are probably hardly aware that they are doing it.

yabu he is a little genuis to them leave them be they love him

my mum and another gran had a clever war going on for years it was mortifying she would say oh I was telling Xs granny today about how well Miss jay is doing at school and THAt test they did it went on till they both left school and went on to Uni although the girl did drop out the gran has still to tell my mum

Aww poor PILS! They sound nice!

xpost with curry.

I truly don't know how you cope with this horrific cruelty. Your child will be scarred for life by this experience.