PILs only praising DS for being "clever"

[ShadowStorm]

Been staying with the PILs for a few days, and have noticed that whenever they praise DS (22 months) for anything, they always throw in "clever". Regardless of what DS has done.

So far, things that he's been told that he's a clever boy for, or has done a clever thing, include:

Saying a word PILs haven't heard him say before
Sleeping through the night
Eating all his food at mealtime
Standing still for a nappy change
Kicking a ball to someone
Running without falling over
Scribbling with his crayons
Cuddling PILs

It's nice that they're being positive and praising him - but - the constant use of "clever" is really starting to get on my nerves.

Partly because I'd prefer DS to be praised for making an effort than for being clever, and partly because I can't see how some of these things he's getting told he's a "clever boy" about have anything at all to do with intelligence.

I haven't said anything so far, but WIBU to ask PIL's to stop using the word "clever" whenever they praise DS? Or should I just do my best to ignore it and keep my mouth shut for the next few days until we go home?

This thread is ridiculous, I can't even believe there is a debate about this. Otherwise loving grandparents dotingly calling their toddler grandson 'clever' for doing adorable things is a world away from academically hothousing a school age because they insist that they must be the 'clever one'. Anyone who cannot see that distinction.. well I don't really know what to say!

I bet the ops PIL have not given a moment's thought to this and would be horrified to think that they might be 'damaging' him with their comments (which of course they are not).

maybe I should cut contact with my mum. She tells ds he is clever all the time and will go on about how great he is to anyone who will listen. She also coos 'where's my boy?' whenever we go round, something else that I read on here is a no no for some. What a toxic interfering old bag she is.

Spot, it sounds like you live in the same world as I do

YABVU. I thought this was a joke when I first read it. PILs praising your child who they clearly love - count your blessings!

This type of thread is the reason Mumsnet is ridiculed in the national press/other social media.

I think any child will be far more damaged by neurotic parents than by any use of the word clever.

Apocalypse, I am Irish too, as you might have guessed from my post saying my parents (as well as my ILs) are! I certainly got called 'bold' when I misbehaved as a child, it's just struck me anew what an odd term it is to be the catchall descriptor of a child's bad behaviour, when in most contexts, 'boldness' is seen as a positive attribute eg 'The brave knight fought boldly against the foe' etc. I think certainly for my parents' generation of Irish people, it must have stemmed from a dislike of children speaking up for themselves.

I do have an issue with people saying 'is he good?', meaning does a small baby sleep through etc.

I don't think the PILs will do any harm because they're not primary carers (although I do understand what you're getting at). Better to praise for something they've "done" rather than something they "are".

My mum started off by telling my DD how "beautiful" she was - a lot. I gently mentioned to her even before DD could understand it that I'd rather she didn't say that because a) it's not something she's "achieved", b) I didn't want DD's sense of self worth to be tied up in how "pretty" she is and c) there's lots of other things she could praise her for such as being kind or helpful or something that she's actually done herself.

Mum's not usually that reasonable but she got it straight away and said she hadn't realised she was doing it.

This wouldn't be even mildly irritating to me.

My grandchildren are, as yet, unthought of - and I might not get any but if I do - I know now that they will be the most beautiful and cleverest children ever- to me!!

i t would drive me mental tbh but that's because mil and pil are a nightmare. the mil always says to dd (aged 10) ... "you're so clever. you must be a doctor or a lawyer". that's been going on since she was 7

i can't bear gushiness either and it would get on my tits if my kids were praised for breaking wind. having said that, they fart like tigers, so i do praise that, but to say a child is clever? .... what if he wasn't clever? and couldnt even pass wind? tangents. off on one.