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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To resent H telling his mother DC's sex?

212 replies

OrangeJuiceSandwich · 22/06/2013 12:33

We found out at the 20 week scan on the very clearly expressed understanding that we wouldn't tell anyone else as I wanted a suprise but he'd didn't. So this was the compromise.

But of course Mummy's boy of the century just told her when she asked :(

I really, really don't like her anyway. When question H says 'oh well she asked so I couldn't lie'. No?! But you lied to my face when you said you wouldn't tell anyone... That's ok obviously. heaven forbid Mummy should actually have to wait to find out.

AIBU to be fucking furious. I've not told anyone, obviously. I wanted this to just be between us, but it's not. Why does she have the right to know what the sex is? It's not her baby. I have realised so very clearly that he would much rather I be upset and annoyed than actually have to tell her that we are not telling people right now but she'll find out in due course.

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 23/06/2013 09:39

I would be having a long conversation to him about confidentiality. If he knew and it sounds like he did how much it meant to the OP then to disregard that in favour of what would keep his mother happy was out of order. What if, that people don't want to become general knowledge (like REDUNDANCY!!). Would he do the same again? It sounds like he would and that destroys the trust between a man and his wife.

pianodoodle · 23/06/2013 09:55

YUNBU

Have only read the OP and this last page but it sounds like there's every reason to feel your husband has let you down here.

I don't like all this "she's the grandmother" business because aside from the fact that it has no bearing on the question you asked, she's not - not yet anyway.

The baby's still inside you and already "she's the grandmother" is a justification for you being "unreasonable" it's just weird...

"My MIL wants to take the Foetus out for lunch but I feel uncomfortable" - seriously I bet someone would find a way to tell you you were being precious lol

"As grandmother to a lump of cells myself I'm just hoping my own DIL doesn't feel the need to be so protective over her own womb once the baby passes 20 weeks. You sound like a real PFB"

BridgetBidet · 23/06/2013 10:23

Sorry, I'm reading this and the amount of spite, hatred and bitterness against both your husband and MIL in these posts is astounding. I mean, wanting to grass him for playing spin the bottle when he was 14?

You have issues that are lot deeper than MIL knowing the sex of your baby. You don't sound like you love, like or care about your husband very much and you certainly don't seem to have much respect for him. None of it sounds like a very happy situation.

IneedAsockamnesty · 23/06/2013 10:34

I think the op has a perfect right to be angry at her dh at the moment,it does not mean she is always angry at him nor that she does not love him.

Goldmandra · 23/06/2013 10:42

You don't sound like you love, like or care about your husband very much

Massive and unreasonable assumptions. The OP is feeling hurt by his behaviour.

you certainly don't seem to have much respect for him

He certainly isn't doing anything to earn it.

sweetestcup · 23/06/2013 10:49

pianodoodle

I don't like all this "she's the grandmother" business because aside from the fact that it has no bearing on the question you asked, she's not - not yet anyway

That seems very petty to me, she is the babies GM just like OP is babies Mum and her DH is babies Dad! I dont think anyone is saying because shes the babies GM this is a reason for OP being unreasonable, more that the issues are to do with her husband - and not her MIL.

diddl · 23/06/2013 10:53

"you certainly don't seem to have much respect for him"

Enough to keep schtum when he asks!

But really, who could respect someone who is always telling Mummy everything & thinks that it's OK that she looks at private stuff!

Original poster
OrangeJuiceSandwich · 23/06/2013 11:15

Bridget so if your MIL enjoyed telling you, how as the fallen women, you should be ever so frigging grateful that your pure, innocent DH had waited for you and you knew that actually nearly a decade before you'd even met he was sleeping with girls for dares at parties you wouldn't secretly be thinking 'my God, if only you knew'?!

But no, I keep nice and quiet and let her insult me.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 23/06/2013 11:15

Fwiw, if my partner did this he would cease to be invited to any appointments where info that I wished to be private may be being discussed.

pianodoodle · 23/06/2013 12:01

Sweetestcup

I know but people have mentioned the fact that she is and my point was that it isn't a good enough reason why her husband should have told her something they both agreed they wouldn't tell anyone.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/06/2013 14:14

OP, I do not allow anyone to put me down. That way I manage to avoid the sort of resentment that yoy are feeling. When she does it again just say You know, I love that you believe that, smile and walk away.

Better still, LTB now. Your relationship is not great. He is forever letting you down and his family make you feel bad. You're moving anyway let this be the natural ending to a relationship that is not making you happy. And pick more wisely in future.

gotthemoononastick · 23/06/2013 15:06

How sharper than a serpent's tooth...the poor knitting and crocheting grandmother!

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