To resent H telling his mother DC's sex?

[OrangeJuiceSandwich]

We found out at the 20 week scan on the very clearly expressed understanding that we wouldn't tell anyone else as I wanted a suprise but he'd didn't. So this was the compromise.

But of course Mummy's boy of the century just told her when she asked :(

I really, really don't like her anyway. When question H says 'oh well she asked so I couldn't lie'. No?! But you lied to my face when you said you wouldn't tell anyone... That's ok obviously. heaven forbid Mummy should actually have to wait to find out.

AIBU to be fucking furious. I've not told anyone, obviously. I wanted this to just be between us, but it's not. Why does she have the right to know what the sex is? It's not her baby. I have realised so very clearly that he would much rather I be upset and annoyed than actually have to tell her that we are not telling people right now but she'll find out in due course.

I think you worded the tread title incorrectly, IPOD, which has muddled the issue. While us normal for PIL to know and ask things about your life, utter is NOT ok for your DH to go telling your MILLION about things which are none of her business (such as the issue going on within your family) and it is NOT ok to accept her then telling all and sundry.

To want sonera privacy over certain thingsm us not BU . To expect to be able to trust your DPI with information that us private to you is NOT BU.

Your MIL gave birth....that dint give her the right to know everything about you ire her son fir that matter...especially since she obviously has no sense of propriety when it comes to being discreet.

The baby issue...meh....but that's nite actually what this is about, is it?

I have no interest in the sex of other people's babies,outside my family and friends.

I have no real interest in babies at all, usual. I do the usual, 'Aw, that's lovely for you.'

he broke an agreement. for that YANBU

I might ask ,do you know what you are having out of politness ,or when is it due.

But I expect that's the wrong thing to do too.

Maybe I should just ignore all pregnant women so I don't say the wrong thing.

I do, usual. Just the, 'Oh, congratulations,' and looking forward to menopause.

It's not minor if he tells lies to his wife so that he can get his own way.

That sounds like quite a big problem in a marriage.

YABU. He broke an agreement, but it was a ridiculous request in the first place. You expected him to either
A) lie to his mother or
B) tell her "I know, but I'm not telling"
It was not a reasonable request IMO

I'm thinking that if this was a reverse situation would we feel the same? If a dad came on and said he hadn't wanted to know the sex of the baby but his wife did and then they promised to keep it between themselves and then his wife told her mother because they have a close relationship and she tells her mum everything, would we have said the dad was being unreasonable to be upset? It seems a lot of women have very close relationships with their mothers and have no secrets from them but it's deemed slightly out of the ordinary if a man has the same.

Apologies for the very bad ppredictive text, OP. Hope you can make sense of that post.

If he had told his mother that he didn't know the sex-would that really have been such a bad lie?

We didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant until I was 16wks.

We probably lied to a few people in that time.

If the husband knew or suspected that he couldn't keep his trap shut then he should have agreed not to find out imo.

Although it's not a thing I understand anyway-people finding out beforehand.

OP, I think you have had a really rough ride on here and am quite surprised how many people are saying they are not interested in knowing the sex of the baby due to their relative/friend/neighbour.

OP, your DH was out of order and I think you need to tell him how much he has hurt you by going back on the agreement you had. I also suggest you think about telling your mum if you think she would be hurt at finding out your MIL knew months before.

BTW if you have a daughter and she married you will also be a MIL, mumblechum1.

I dont get why people would find out but keep it a secret,whats the point?

Yadnbu! I'd be angry too and the fact that your mil has told other people straight away kind of backs up why you didn't want to tell anyone else in the first place.
I'd be having stern words with dh as you compromised and he's gone back on his word.
I do think you're getting a bit of a hard time here and I don't understand the whole 'nobody cares about the sex of the baby' etc?!? I think it's a lovely secret that a couple can have together, why is that so bad?!

Yanbu!! Luckily my dh was more scared of me than her so I all ways one in the battle of who is the momma bear! My Sil husband wasn't and they are now getting a divorce.

It's not really about the sex on baby it's about the fact dh went back on an agreement with his wife to keep mil happy.

It would have fucked me off too!

SJ not a reasonable request? People do it all the time!

we only chose to find out with DS5, for a very personal and emotional reason and there's no way I would have been happy if DH had let it slip to anyone.

but if OP's DH thinks his bond with his mother comes before the bond with his wife he is wrong.

what he blubbed about is almost irrelevant. it's the fact that he chose to brake his promise about their agreement.

plus it is so lovely to feel even closer because of a little secret only you two know about.
same with not revealing pg or names etc.
It's nice, it's intimate, it's part of what makes you a couple.

in this case MIL is a third wheel and so would have been anyone else.

whether it stings more for OP coz of MIL /DH issues that's another question

I'm 47, not 14.

I want to know why the OP already dislikes the MIL so I can judge further on who is being U.

fanny yup if it was reversed I would think the same. You agree a course of action with your DP, you stick to it unless there is a very compelling reason not too.

aim please, no vomitt on my carpet! thank you!

I am [shocked] at the madster who pinned newspaper at her windows.

Does she dangle her children from the balcony with blankets over their heads by any chance?

Birds

Im guessing the OP's post regarding her DHAKA telling MIL about something that was obviously a personal issue going on within the OP's own family and then MIL having the complete lack of tact to talk about the issue freely with whomever she felt should know about it is the tip of the iceberg as to why the OP is having an issue with her MIL.

I agree that to really understand the dynamic of what is going on here we would need more context.

She's not "anyone", she's his mother?

Also, I am absolutely not understanding the bizarre levels of secrecy people seem to have over the gender if their fetus. Why would you want to keep it a secret from other people?

I also don't understand why some people are so desperate for a "surprise" anyway, like there's some huge difference between baby boys and girls.

Why in hell, would you say 'we know. But we are not telling'. If you really didn't want to say, you should have don't everyone you don't know

What you did, sounds as if you wanted to create a drama. Maybe subconsciously?

gosh why not keep it a secret?