To resent H telling his mother DC's sex?

[OrangeJuiceSandwich]

We found out at the 20 week scan on the very clearly expressed understanding that we wouldn't tell anyone else as I wanted a suprise but he'd didn't. So this was the compromise.

But of course Mummy's boy of the century just told her when she asked :(

I really, really don't like her anyway. When question H says 'oh well she asked so I couldn't lie'. No?! But you lied to my face when you said you wouldn't tell anyone... That's ok obviously. heaven forbid Mummy should actually have to wait to find out.

AIBU to be fucking furious. I've not told anyone, obviously. I wanted this to just be between us, but it's not. Why does she have the right to know what the sex is? It's not her baby. I have realised so very clearly that he would much rather I be upset and annoyed than actually have to tell her that we are not telling people right now but she'll find out in due course.

Oh dear. I had the same deal with dh (as he wanted to know) but he stuck to it.

With dd we didn't find out.
With ds we both knew but told nobody that we did.
For this baby, we know, our children know and we haven't told anybody else.

I do think if my kids (who are both infant school age and have been quizzed by people who don't know we know but are just trying to get them to guess) can keep it secret then your dh should have done if that was the agreement.

After all, MIL and everyone else who has asked has already had children. They have decided for themselves to find out or not, to tell, or not to tell.

This will definetly be the last. I thought it would be something nice, just to keep something to ourselves. The inlaws are so in your face, they think nothing of opening mail, reading bank statements and going through drawers. I would just like something for myself.

Yanbu op if your dp actually agreed to keep it a secret and was happy to do so then he should of kept quiet, also once your mil knew she should of kept quiet knowing that you both wanted it to be a secret, seems like not being able to keep a secret must run in your dp's family, my exh and his mother were exactly the same, they would tell everyone they saw everyone else's secrets it was awful.

heysoul

I really don't understand why you don't want anyone to know. What difference does the baby's sex make to anyone anyway?

I also think that as your DH is the child's father he has as much right to tell people the sex as you have to keep it a secret.

It's all a piece of attention seeking nonsense.

I don't want attention. It is the last thing I want. What I want is to be left alone and not interrogated.

I have not let on I know to anyone. It has not been a big 'look at me' deal.

They don't need to know, noone needs to kow, do they?

gosh please read my previous post about my exampl of one good reason.

there are many other reaons.

just because you don't know any doesn't mean there aren't any

But as your H has told people against your wishes twice before, you shouldn't be surprised he's done it again. He sounds like he can't keep a secret, so why ask him to?

I don't think the op is attention seeking at all, many many young couples having their first child want to keep the sex/name of the baby a secret it's all part of the excitement similar to keeping the wedding dress/location of the wedding night a secret, when you look back 20 years later you realise it was a trivial matter but at the time it seems terribly important.

I have kept all his secrets. I do not tell people anything that he asks me not to. Is it wrong to at least expect the same respect?

We know that this is AIBU, but there's really no need for any PA's. We'd be grateful if you remembered our talk guidelines before you hit the 'post message' button.

Many thanks.

MNHQ.

YANBU

I think what he did with your first two was worse though.

Just saw its your third dc and he did exactly the same each time, I'd be fecking fuming with him!

you already know he tells her everything, so why on earth would you think this would be any different? Especially this, he's obviously going to tell her. I think you knew that, really, it was very silly of you to agree to such a daft compromise in the first place.

Ok I'll accept I should have predicted he would have told her.

I should point out I'm now 37 1/2 weeks, this only came out today as I overheard him on the phone to FIL. MIL had said she knew before but he'd brushed it off saying he had just told her that is what he thought it would be. When I overheard FIL this morning I realised that he had told he for definite and that she had told their entire extended family.

OP, to be honest, if your IL's think it is acceptable to open your bank statements and go through your drawers then this really pales into insignificance. I'd just kill them all and have done with it! (maybe not really, but there would be VERY strong words said)

But actually, I truly did think he would keep his word as I am not telling his family he has been made redundant as that is what he wants...which I think is a slightly more important piece of information.

Oh yes, of course-it's all Ops fault that he's such a blabbermouth!

He's an adult, he should be able to keep schtum!

If his mum asked the details of the conception, would he tell her that as well??!!

diddl I almost said the same thing

It's really sad as OP affords him more respect than he deserves than she gets.

Thank goodness neither of us wanted to know!

Sounds as if ILs have no boundaries though-opening mail-(illegal?), looking through stuff.

Sounds as if you need to start locking stuff away.

My MIL never tells anyone anything, but always wants to know everything

I know it's not your main issue, but get lockable file boxes to keep private correspondence in - though you shouldn't have to. It sends a non-verbal message that you are entitled to keep some things private.

I do think you need some strong words with him then, because he took the decision it's ok to lie to you. So now you can't believe what he says. you need to make this clear to him, it's not about telling people what gender you are having, it's about him lying to your face. He can't lie to his mother but he can lie to you. I'd ask him what else he is lying about? As you can't trust him, you need access to his e-mails, phone, etc (obviously not to suggest he is having an affair, but you can make your point to him that he's decided to make himself look untrustworthy to you, Id' be going to town on this).