To have politely informed this woman that I will not pay to attend her wedding

[AmadeusRocks]

Received an invitation to a former colleagues wedding about 8 months ago (wedding im november this year) and was a bit shocked that they had listed out the menu inside with the price (£35 per head) underneath. Accepted the invitation thinking they were just being showy bastards and bragging about how expensive the food will be, DH thought the same, however this woman was once a good friend of mine so we accepted. I was a bit about the mark Jacobs perfume on the gift list as well.

I have just received a message on Facebook as follows:

Twatwoman: hi Amadeus, sorry to bother you so soon after the birth of your new baby but was just wondering if you could possibly transfer the £70 for yours and H's meal at the wedding to me soon, the caterers are getting on our backs! Account details: XXXXXXX

Me: hi twatwoman, me and ds are fine thanks for asking, I'm a bit confused, are we paying for our own meals at our wedding?

Twatwoman: haha yes, it's a bit modern isn't it, but I suppose it's only the same as going to a restaurant but with all your friends

Me: hmmm I'm not sure it is the same really, I mean at least when I go to a restaurant I don't have to make an 80 mile round trip, sit through hours of watching you pose like a duck beside a tree, listen to your drip of a husband moan about how wonderful you are and I get to select my own food. I think me and DH will have to decline on this occasion. All the best.


She has not responded.

Aibu?

[lougle]

The odd thing about MN it's that if the OP had said " goes shall I reply?" someone would have posted the OP's reply and lots of posters would have said ' great reply!'

Strange place, this.

[MumnGran]

i think she is now an ex-friend, so it is all water permanently under the bridge.

Me ,on the other hand, ( when I checked with her ) thought that you should have asked whether being too broke to pay an unexpected £70 bill on top of travel/hotel/gift etc, would mean the bride would be withdrawing the wedding invitation.

[AntoinetteCosway]

I'm glad you didn't really send that. It would have been incredibly rude. She is BU for charging people though.

[diddl]

If the menu was enclosed, would people really not realise that they were expected to pay?

I agree that it's very rude to expect people to pay.

If that's what you want, then it shouldn't be on the invitation, should it?

[Thumbwitch]

Can I remind you that your AIBU was "To have politely informed this woman that I will not pay to attend her wedding" ?

If you had ACTUALLY said all that, then your notion of politeness is far removed from the general understanding of that concept.

However, I noticed you say you only really sent the last 2 sentences, I'm assuming the "I think DH and I will have to decline on this occasion. All the best" is all you actually sent, in which case it just about qualifies as polite, albeit rather terse.

AYBU to decline? well I don't know. I think the price of the meal in the invitation would have made it pretty clear that you were expected to pay your own way, tbh (and it's a lot cheaper than many wedding reception places charge per head!) Depends on how much you like her, or not. If it were a friend of mine and I knew she was hard up, I would accept anyway. But if she's only an ex-colleague and a bit tight, I'd say no.

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[Thumbwitch]

Twatphone, Amazingmumof6?

[lljkk]

pmsl @ duck posing under a tree...

[LadyRabbit]

Jesus some of you lot have had a sense of humour bypass.

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[MakeGlutenFreeHay]

ahem. may I draw your attention to the first pedant in this thread being me, myself and/or I?!

[ParadiseChick]

[Grin]

No wonder you were on the top ten post list with rapid posts like that!

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[amazingmumof6]

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!


back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

[SoupDragon]

The odd thing about MN it's that if the OP had said " goes shall I reply?" someone would have posted the OP's reply and lots of posters would have said ' great reply!'

And 99.9% of those would not actually have meant it should be sent. Which in this case it wasn't ,but this was not clear from the OP. Hence people saying how rude it was.

[Pimpf]

I've been to a wedding where we were at a restaurant and we all chipped in for our meals, however it was discussed before invites went out, so that we all knew the score and could make our decision. To send a menu with the invite with cost, I don't know whether I'd have known that meant I was due to pay or whether I'd thought it was an error, but the wedding couple should have spoke to people and let them know before hand.

Op I don't think you were being rude to decline the invite and I think your reply is what you would have liked to send but as you stated, you didn't, it was a joke!

[spottybanana]

What was that, amazingmumof6?

[Lazyjaney]

"So consensus is that I am bloody rude"

Bollocks to that, it was a brilliant idea. Ignore all the Carpers on here, that's just the sound of latent bridezillas in panic that their guests may revolt :)

Now poor grammar, however.....

I do wish you'd sent it you still could

[flowery]

I don't understand. You started a thread to ask if you were being unreasonable to say something you did not in fact say?

[amazingmumof6]

oh bloody hell,spottybanana

I tried to post from my phone, but it kept saying connection failed!

so I tried again, and again...

well I hope I made me point