Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have politely informed this woman that I will not pay to attend her wedding

202 replies

AmadeusRocks · 18/06/2013 19:14

Received an invitation to a former colleagues wedding about 8 months ago (wedding im november this year) and was a bit shocked that they had listed out the menu inside with the price (£35 per head) underneath. Accepted the invitation thinking they were just being showy bastards and bragging about how expensive the food will be, DH thought the same, however this woman was once a good friend of mine so we accepted. I was a bit Hmm about the mark Jacobs perfume on the gift list as well.

I have just received a message on Facebook as follows:

Twatwoman: hi Amadeus, sorry to bother you so soon after the birth of your new baby but was just wondering if you could possibly transfer the £70 for yours and H's meal at the wedding to me soon, the caterers are getting on our backs! Account details: XXXXXXX

Me: hi twatwoman, me and ds are fine thanks for asking, I'm a bit confused, are we paying for our own meals at our wedding?

Twatwoman: haha yes, it's a bit modern isn't it, but I suppose it's only the same as going to a restaurant but with all your friends

Me: hmmm I'm not sure it is the same really, I mean at least when I go to a restaurant I don't have to make an 80 mile round trip, sit through hours of watching you pose like a duck beside a tree, listen to your drip of a husband moan about how wonderful you are and I get to select my own food. I think me and DH will have to decline on this occasion. All the best.

She has not responded.

Aibu?

OP posts:
patienceisvirtuous · 18/06/2013 19:27

*a drip

harryhausen · 18/06/2013 19:27

The last bit of your reply is pure fantasy.

You let her down gently then grumbled into your beard, didn't you.

FamiliesShareGerms · 18/06/2013 19:28

YANBU to "politely inform" her you won't be attending. YABU to send that really rude email.

phantomnamechanger · 18/06/2013 19:29

I believe the invitatiin happened.
i dont believe the OP actually wrote that response - thought it yes, is wondering how to respond/get out of going, but not that she wrote that.

waltermittymissus · 18/06/2013 19:30

There's no way you wrote that back.

rainbowfeet · 18/06/2013 19:30

Blimey if this is the start of a new trend I am defiantly getting married again & christened & baptized & confirmed!!!!!!Wink

Original poster
AmadeusRocks · 18/06/2013 19:31

I genuinely did write it the last two sentences anyway Grin

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 18/06/2013 19:31

I don't believe you would be so rude as to send that response.

Why would you accept the invitation of someone you clearly dislike so much? Just to get a free £35ph meal? Sounds a bit grasping/desperate.

ParadiseChick · 18/06/2013 19:31

Screenshots!

ZillionChocolate · 18/06/2013 19:31

That's a relief!

ParadiseChick · 18/06/2013 19:32

X post

So you just wrote your declining, all the best?

DarkWinter · 18/06/2013 19:32

My DP was invited to a wedding once, where he had to pay for his own meal. They wouldn't let him have a plus one in spite of this, so I refused to invite them to our wedding as a result.

ParadiseChick · 18/06/2013 19:32

*you're

DebsMorgan · 18/06/2013 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babycino81 · 18/06/2013 19:34

I think you're a legend. YANBU, especially when a gift list is involved as well!

ThatVikRinA22 · 18/06/2013 19:34

YANBU to decline but you would be unreasonable to have written that! glad to see you didnt....

just decline. make your excuses.

i wish i had when i was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend - i didnt want to and told her, but then got guilt tripped into it, only to find out she wanted me to pay for my own dress.....Hmm

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 18/06/2013 19:34

YABU-ish. The reply was a little OTT, but I am more shocked at the presumption that it's OK to ask guests to pay to attend a reception!

Weddings are becoming a massive slavering greed fest and some couples need to be told that certain behaviour is unacceptable and will make them very unpopular. If they are not told, Greedfests will snowball until nobody can afford to accept invites any more.

However, I would have replied something like "Sorry, we can't afford to come. The cost is too much coupled with accommodation, travel, childcare and a gift."

I also think the bride is very rude to effectively say, "yeah I know you've just given birth, but that'll be £70 please, hurry up"

bemybebe · 18/06/2013 19:35

YABU, sorry. And very rude.

NoelHeadbands · 18/06/2013 19:35

So you didn't send that response? Confused

waltermittymissus · 18/06/2013 19:36

So what you actually wrote was

"I think me and dh will have to decline on this occasion. All the best"?

That's not U. However, she's probably miffed that she had to chase you down for the money and you've just done a 180!

Tbf, she probably assumed you were ok with it since you got the 'price list' and still accepted!

DebsMorgan · 18/06/2013 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bemybebe · 18/06/2013 19:36

...and so was she incidentally. But you did not ask about her.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 18/06/2013 19:37

Ah, so you send a polite response. In that case YANBU totally and she is a greedy cow.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 18/06/2013 19:41

pictures or it didn't happen.

QueenStromba · 18/06/2013 19:41

I think you were a little rude with your reply but I can see why. I can totally understand why the whole idea of having you pay for your meal at a wedding was so outrageous that it didn't even occur to you that's what they were saying. And to have been given a gift list on top of that?

I can understand getting hitched in a registry office and then people paying their own way a local restaurant for ten quid a head but not a proper traditional wedding.