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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have politely informed this woman that I will not pay to attend her wedding

202 replies

AmadeusRocks · 18/06/2013 19:14

Received an invitation to a former colleagues wedding about 8 months ago (wedding im november this year) and was a bit shocked that they had listed out the menu inside with the price (£35 per head) underneath. Accepted the invitation thinking they were just being showy bastards and bragging about how expensive the food will be, DH thought the same, however this woman was once a good friend of mine so we accepted. I was a bit Hmm about the mark Jacobs perfume on the gift list as well.

I have just received a message on Facebook as follows:

Twatwoman: hi Amadeus, sorry to bother you so soon after the birth of your new baby but was just wondering if you could possibly transfer the £70 for yours and H's meal at the wedding to me soon, the caterers are getting on our backs! Account details: XXXXXXX

Me: hi twatwoman, me and ds are fine thanks for asking, I'm a bit confused, are we paying for our own meals at our wedding?

Twatwoman: haha yes, it's a bit modern isn't it, but I suppose it's only the same as going to a restaurant but with all your friends

Me: hmmm I'm not sure it is the same really, I mean at least when I go to a restaurant I don't have to make an 80 mile round trip, sit through hours of watching you pose like a duck beside a tree, listen to your drip of a husband moan about how wonderful you are and I get to select my own food. I think me and DH will have to decline on this occasion. All the best.

She has not responded.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Spidermama · 18/06/2013 19:42

AmadeusRocks you didn't write that and you're just trying to show off.

Even if this were true, which it clearly isn't, it would simply be nasty. Not funny or clever, just nasty.

Those of you tittering and giving the OP virtual high fives are weak and impressionable followers.

MN is getting a little too young for me I fear.

phantomnamechanger · 18/06/2013 19:43

what is it with people and weddings?? I really don't get it!!

Just have what you can afford - don't be badgered by parents or other rellies into inviting 100's of long lost family and their friends you have only met twice in your life, don't have dozens of bridesmaids in designer dresses, don't go OTT on the venue, table decorations, wedding favours, food - if all that means that some of the closest friends who you really would like to share the day are being asked to fork out the equivalent of a weeks holiday just for one day!

It will all be much nicer and less stressful. And wheres the sense in starting marired life paying off massive debts already, just for the sake of a massive "do".

Doha · 18/06/2013 19:43

OMG just love your email.

I hope you did send it and l would have loved to see her face as she read the email Grin

Guess you won't be getting an invitation to the baby shower then Wink
YADNBU

LEMisdisappointed · 18/06/2013 19:43

Ooooh, how funny, this is the second such thread about this today

RalphGnu · 18/06/2013 19:44

Spidermama, did you miss the OP's last post?

AuntieStella · 18/06/2013 19:45

It's not a "fancy wedding".

It's an unaffordable wedding, and utterly vulgar of her to attempt to entertain beyond her means.

But that does not excuse return rudeness.

valiumredhead · 18/06/2013 19:45

I'm sure all that happened in your head

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 18/06/2013 19:47

I've been to a couple of restaurant receptions where guests have paid for the food. Theyve been smallish (ie no more than twenty or thirty) guests and the couple's explained very nicely in the invites that they wanted to celebrate but couldnt afford differently, and that they absolutely weren't expecting presents. Didn't bother Me in the slightest. If It had, I would have just done what I always do when I turn down a meal in a restaurant eg for a birthday, and say thanks for thinking of us but it just wouldn't be possible. I don't see how this level of rudeness benefits anyone - it isn't going to change the bridge and grooms mind, you burn bridges over something quite trivial and only gain a moments satisfaction and some internet applause.

Spidermama · 18/06/2013 19:50

No Ralph I did not.

CloudsAndTrees · 18/06/2013 19:50

I can't believe people think your fictitious reply was rude! It would have been almost perfect if it had been true, and 100% deserved.

AuntieStella · 18/06/2013 19:54

A wedding reception is the equivalent of entertaining at home, farmed out when/if you need extra space. It should never be equated to a restaurant meal for other occasions, nor should it be at guests' expense.

If you look at all the threads which say how much people have loved "pie and pint" or "Pimms and hog roast" receptions done on a shoestring, it's easy to see at it's not the lavishness that matters; it's the hospitality.

mamij · 18/06/2013 19:54

OP - I'm a bit disappointed you didn't send the response after all Grin

But your real response is probably a better idea.

Keztrel · 18/06/2013 20:02

Haaaa this is hilarious! It was patently obvious the op didn't write that, surely. No one is that rude! Bit odd to make guests pay for their meal but if I wanted to go to that wedding I'd just skip getting them a gift.

MerryOnMerlot · 18/06/2013 20:03

Think you were a tad blunt tbh, but have never heard the likes of asking wedding guests paying for their own meals!

So, I'm going to get splinters on my arse in terms of whether YWBU.

AnnaRack · 18/06/2013 20:05

Hmmm. If that is how you "politely" refuse an invijtation, I wonder how you'd rudely refuse one?

AnnaRack · 18/06/2013 20:06

Oh and yanbu by the way.

SarahAndFuck · 18/06/2013 20:10

I wish you had written it.

It would have been rude, but since it's nothing to do with me it would have been delightfully rude rather than shockingly rude.

I especially loved the posed like a duck beside a tree part? Will there be a tree?

usualsuspect · 18/06/2013 20:11

100 % deserved to call her husband a drip?

Yeah ok then.

It's not even funny.

margaery · 18/06/2013 20:12

YANBU cannot believe she expects guest to pay for her wedding breakfast no, no, no. I would have declined aswell.

Sallyingforth · 18/06/2013 20:12

seeing as some of my friends actually cannot afford to get married

Rubbish! You can get married for 50 quid.

LindyHemming · 18/06/2013 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HauntedArmchairOfDoom · 18/06/2013 20:13

I'm with spidermama.

If you had written that response you're childish and rude

If you are pretending to have written that response you're childish and rude

People who think this is Acceptabubble and Funny are childish and rude.

Northernlurker · 18/06/2013 20:13

Oh come on Op this simply doesn't add up.

Firstly - who sends out wedding invites a year in advance? Save the date cards sure but not invites.

Secondly - of this all happened as you say and she only gave you the bank details today how did she expect you to pay beforehand? Bank account osmosis?

Thirdly it's Marc Jacobs not Mark. I would have thought a person of your age and earning & spending power (as described in your other threads) would have known that.

LindyHemming · 18/06/2013 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 18/06/2013 20:15

Yes I would say childish and rude is VERY accurate description of the OP. 'Specially the first bit.