To have politely informed this woman that I will not pay to attend her wedding

[AmadeusRocks]

Received an invitation to a former colleagues wedding about 8 months ago (wedding im november this year) and was a bit shocked that they had listed out the menu inside with the price (£35 per head) underneath. Accepted the invitation thinking they were just being showy bastards and bragging about how expensive the food will be, DH thought the same, however this woman was once a good friend of mine so we accepted. I was a bit about the mark Jacobs perfume on the gift list as well.

I have just received a message on Facebook as follows:

Twatwoman: hi Amadeus, sorry to bother you so soon after the birth of your new baby but was just wondering if you could possibly transfer the £70 for yours and H's meal at the wedding to me soon, the caterers are getting on our backs! Account details: XXXXXXX

Me: hi twatwoman, me and ds are fine thanks for asking, I'm a bit confused, are we paying for our own meals at our wedding?

Twatwoman: haha yes, it's a bit modern isn't it, but I suppose it's only the same as going to a restaurant but with all your friends

Me: hmmm I'm not sure it is the same really, I mean at least when I go to a restaurant I don't have to make an 80 mile round trip, sit through hours of watching you pose like a duck beside a tree, listen to your drip of a husband moan about how wonderful you are and I get to select my own food. I think me and DH will have to decline on this occasion. All the best.


She has not responded.

Aibu?

[waltermittymissus]

Well it's not really brilliant is it?

Actually, it's not true. But if it were; how is it funny to slag off her dh just because you don't want to pay for the meal?

Fwiw I wouldn't go either! And I can't believe anyone would actually charge guests for their meals but the imaginary reply wasn't funny. It was just nasty.

[MrsDimples]

YANBU

Guests paid for their meal at my wedding, tenner in a pub for 3 courses, but the invite stated in lieu of a wedding present please pay for yourself, & we don't mind if you don't come.

Everyone seemed to love the idea. There was no gift list either.

[WuzzleMonkey]

So you were happy to watch her marry some bloke you couldn't give a shit about when you thought you'd get a free meal out of it?

Of course she WBU but why on earth would you want to be at their wedding when that's how you feel about them? THat makes you seem grabby and entitled.

[snuffaluffagus]

Why can't people read the full thread?

It's a bit odd yes and you were within your rights to decline!

[SanityClause]

That sounds like a lovely wedding, MrsDimples!

[SingingSilver]

They should have been clear that guests would be asked to fund the wedding breakfast. £70 for a meal you didn't even choose is a bit steep.

People seem to lose their senses when planning weddings. If I paid everything I was asked to pay for hen do's, engagement do's and weddings, I wouldn't be able to afford anything else (very large family!)

[Oblongata]

Wuzzlemonkey, people get invited to weddings and go out of politeness all the time, you don't have to be in love with the bride and groom or their vision of future happiness, you go because they asked you and it's a social obligation! (Of course when it's your lovely friends you go because you want to see them happy, totally different thing.)

The understanding is that weddings are parties the bride and groom pay for, not personal gifts to the guests many of whom would probably rather be elsewhere because weddings are usually very very boring

Asking people to pay for the meal at a normal, run-of-the-mill wedding, is so crass.

[Pancakeflipper]

You didn't politely refuse as you say in your title. You were personal and rude.

I wouldn't go either but I would not send a response like that and I don't reckon you did either.

[Mintyy]

How strange. There has been another thread about guests paying for their own meals at weddings today.

What is going on? Is someone trying to be clever?

[WuzzleMonkey]

It's not a social obligation to go to the wedding of someone the OP describes as an 'ex-colleague'! She hasn't even described her as a friend! Where's the big deal in saying thanks but no thanks when it someone you clearly don't have a good opinion on?

[MakeGlutenFreeHay]

YABU for using "me and DH". DH and I, please....

I'm not sure I'd go to a wedding where I had to pay for food as well as drinks/gift/transport/accommodation etc - it all gets very expensive. I'd probably choose a slightly more tactful way of telling them, though....!

[Viviennemary]

I expect it will quite soon be acceptable for people to pay for meals at weddings. After all these grabby ghastly little poems seem to be the norm these days from what I've read here. Though I have yet to receive one. I don't blame you for responding as you did. These people need to be told what a greedy, cheeky grabbers they are.

[usualsuspect]

I did think this was a piss takey thread about the other thread.

[Shitsinger]

God I wish you had written that OP- the duck bit was genius
How cringey that there are people who expect others to pay for their own meal at a wedding! Have they no shame ?

[Shitsinger]

Its DH and me

[Tortington]

goood on ya

somethng happens to couples brains when they plan a wedding.

i still have a thing about gift lists if i'm honest

[Northernlurker]

Usual I also have some thoughts. Have pm'd you.

[PenelopePortrait]

I really hope you did write it OP.

It's about time people took a stand against these ridiculous posturing, pretentious people who want to indulge themselves at others expense.

It really is about time some people got over themselves.

[zippey]

I agree with the comments that you were very rude. I cant believe you want to stealth boast about being an appaling human being. She sounded kind enough a person, she should be glad that you are out of her life.

[TheCraicDealer]

I don't think it's childish, not really. People carry on like this and take advantage of others because no one pulls them up on it. If a bride gets a reply like that and posts on some bridal forum or bitches to their mates it may make some of the others realise that their wedding ain't all that to the people attending and to have a bit of consideration.

Having said that, I wouldn't baulk at having to pay at a wedding where it's clear the b & g are on a budget. But scrimping on hospitality so you have doves rearrange your hair for the photos or some such is a tad off.