To have politely informed this woman that I will not pay to attend her wedding

[AmadeusRocks]

Received an invitation to a former colleagues wedding about 8 months ago (wedding im november this year) and was a bit shocked that they had listed out the menu inside with the price (£35 per head) underneath. Accepted the invitation thinking they were just being showy bastards and bragging about how expensive the food will be, DH thought the same, however this woman was once a good friend of mine so we accepted. I was a bit about the mark Jacobs perfume on the gift list as well.

I have just received a message on Facebook as follows:

Twatwoman: hi Amadeus, sorry to bother you so soon after the birth of your new baby but was just wondering if you could possibly transfer the £70 for yours and H's meal at the wedding to me soon, the caterers are getting on our backs! Account details: XXXXXXX

Me: hi twatwoman, me and ds are fine thanks for asking, I'm a bit confused, are we paying for our own meals at our wedding?

Twatwoman: haha yes, it's a bit modern isn't it, but I suppose it's only the same as going to a restaurant but with all your friends

Me: hmmm I'm not sure it is the same really, I mean at least when I go to a restaurant I don't have to make an 80 mile round trip, sit through hours of watching you pose like a duck beside a tree, listen to your drip of a husband moan about how wonderful you are and I get to select my own food. I think me and DH will have to decline on this occasion. All the best.

She has not responded.

Aibu?

I think you'e dodged a bullet here - I imagine drinks aren't paid for either, which would definitely be needed in large supply!

Haha, I have Euphemia! I mean, hypothetically, av carse

yadnbu

Op I really wish you had written all

of it.

Yanbu at all, she had to be told.

Brilliant!

I wish you had written the entire thing & sent it. I dont think it was rude just blunt and needed to be said.

I'm in the 'wishing you had sent it' camp.
It's what we were all thinking, so why not?

I actually would not be offended if a good friend asked us to pay for our meal at a wedding, especially if I knew her financial circumstances were such that she wouldn't ask us otherwise. If it was someone I barely knew, I'd probably decline if I thought it too expensive. If you really wrote what you did, I think that is very rude but it's not rude to decline the invitation.

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!

back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

shitsinger and euphemia

I have to mention that I adore your off-topic Grammar Wars!

back to thread - how wude!
under normal circumstances wedding meal is not to be paid by guests. ever.

However the pub one with no gifts is truly inspired!
good on you, well done!

To settle the pedantics, it's DH and I. It's only "DH and me" when "me" would be the word you would use when writing in the first person.

I actually wouldn't give a fig if someone asked me to pay for my own meal at their wedding. If that was the only possible way for them to have the wedding they wanted, then no worries here. I'd even buy them a small present as well. But then, unlike what seems like 90% of MN, I like my friends.

It's about time people took a stand against these ridiculous posturing, pretentious people who want to indulge themselves at others expense.

I completely agree.

You would not have been unreasonable to have politely informed this woman that you will not pay to attend her wedding.

However, you were not polite, you were rude and nasty.

It's simple - if you were talking about just yourself, would you use 'me' or 'I' ? In which case even if you are talking about yourself and someone else you still use either me or I, depending on the context.

I would be delighted to come to your wedding.
DH and I would be delighted to come to your wedding.

You have offended me by expecting me to pay for myself.
You have offended me and DH by expecting us to pay for ourselves.

You would not say 'I think me will have to decline on this occasion' therefore you would not say 'I think me and DH will have to decline on this occasion.'

Anyway, I am still on the OP's side. I think the bride has more cheek than a very fat-arsed person.

Isn't it "dh and myself"?

No. do we have to have that conversation as well?

Oh you do it Euphemia, I don't have the energy.