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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to this wedding?

181 replies

ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:04

So, we are a family of four.

Myself, DP, (my) DD and (our) baby DS. DP and I have been together approx 3 years.

DP's close friends are to be wed next month and the invite arrived at the beginning of last month. I pointed out to DP that neither DD or DS were mentioned on the invite and asked him on a few occasions to speak with his friends to find out if the DC were invited too, as we don't have anyone who could/ would mind them whilst we attended the wedding.

DP came home from work today and informed me that our DS had been remembered but my DD had been totally forgotten!

I've already contacted the bride to be and said that unfortunately, only DP would be in attendance.

I said my best wishes go with him on the day and I wish them all the best in their future.

DP and I aren't a new couple. All of his friends know our family dynamics, so....

....AIBU to think this is shite on my DD? And is it U of me to stay at home with my DC, both of them?

OP posts:
BOF · 10/06/2013 20:06

YANBU

FutTheShuckUp · 10/06/2013 20:08

If it was neither child, fine. One child definitely not fine.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:08

Didn't think so BOF. I am incredibly Sad

DD is almost 15 and would be very upset to learn that she'd been left out Sad

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 10/06/2013 20:09

It's a bit strange to only include one. Do you know anyone else going who has children? You could try and find out if their children are invited, or whether it's just your DD. Maybe they are having child free but making exceptions for babies (bf etc)

If your DD can't come, yanbu to stay at home with her or both your children.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:09

Agreed Fut.

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 10/06/2013 20:09

Yanbu, but your DH is if he goes without the rest of you after you have been insulted like that.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 10/06/2013 20:10

Totally not fine on their part. YANBU at all. Hope you have a wonderful day with your children instead.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:11

Owlina - I'm really unsure of other invitees but this was exactly why I've been asking DP to check.

OP posts:
cosydressinggown · 10/06/2013 20:11

I don't really understand. They were both missed off the invite so how can your DH come home and say that they've remembered one but forgotten the other?! I don't understand. And are they saying, then, that your son is invited but not your daughter?

2cats2many · 10/06/2013 20:12

What does your DP think of this arrangement? Isn't he upset too? God! What arses! YANBU.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:12

Clouds - DP can go, I'm not upset about that

Smite - thank you, we'll have a lovely time just us three Smile

OP posts:
Whocansay · 10/06/2013 20:12

I wouldn't be upset, I'd be furious!

They are incredibly rude and thoughtless. I would avoid them in future.

CaptainSweatPants · 10/06/2013 20:15

How old is ds?

If he's very young I can sort if understand as a 15 yr old is basically another adult space

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:16

cosy - they are saying the table arrangements have been set and DS is included but DD is not Confused

Neither were mentioned on the invite but DP says despite him being 'upset' DS doesn't sit at a seat or eat food.

He said his friend apologised profusely but I told him its not fucking good enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:17

2cats and Who - I am really sad. And actually very disappointed that they can be so thoughtless.

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop · 10/06/2013 20:18

Sorry but I don't think your dh should go either! Your dd has been excluded from the wedding, totally not on!

How strange!

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:20

Captain - I hear what you're saying but we are a small family of four.

I'd rather they said that neither children could attend.

DS is 6 months but we have no childcare for either child.

The wedding is 250 miles away from home, and the friends know our situation.

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 10/06/2013 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:22

DP will not see it like that and he will go.

I know this and so won't let that bother me.

OP posts:
cosydressinggown · 10/06/2013 20:22

Oh ok, that is really very odd then, and hugely insensitive. I don't think any of you should go.

I can't believe they actually expected the three of you to come and not your DD. That makes me very :(

ITCouldBeWorse · 10/06/2013 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainSweatPants · 10/06/2013 20:23

That must be it
A 6 month old can go on your lap or in highchair & won't eat a 3 course meal
A 15 yr old is totally different
It still sucks though

cozietoesie · 10/06/2013 20:23

Be prepared for a change of tack as soon as they get your DP's confirmation.

BridgetBidet · 10/06/2013 20:24

I think they just forgot. Your family dynamics might seem obvious to you but to outsiders it's not so obvious.

We even made up a few phantom cousins when my husband got married because we couldn't remember who was which and how many kids everybody had and we were racking our brains to remember their names which of course we couldn't because they didn't exist.

I don't think you should necessarily assume they have just excluded her without knowing for certain that they have.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:25

It makes me very Sad too cosy.

My DD is such a lovely girl and she's still trying her utmost to accept that the baby takes up a lot of my time. It's hard to think DS is welcome because he's DP's child but DD isn't welcome.

OP posts: